to think that sil should pay me to look after her child?

[tegan]

I have been hvaing him 1 day a week since he was 4 months old, the other days he is passed between various family members. The child is nearly 2 and i have offered not to accept a full time job but to look after him full time (8 til 6)for £50 a week. She is mortified. AIBU

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Let me get this right..... this sil has beaten you up? Twice? And you invited her to be your birthing partner? And you mind her son regularly for nothing? And are not re-imbursed for expenses either? With a view to doing this full-time for peanuts? (although she's clearly not intending to pay even for that, judging by her reaction). She's effectively called you an idiot.Your nephew's been hospitalised with certain injuries. And you even have to ASK if YABU?! Abused, certainly! There is clearly so much more to this than the OP. She sounds a dangerous woman to me, to you AND to her son. You cannot let this go on any longer. But beware..... if SS start investigating her, it may not take her long to suspect that you might be behind it. Watch your back. In that case, its unlikely she'd allow you anywhere near her son, free care or not. And then what happens to him? At the moment he's probably off the radar of the authorities, but once he starts nursery/school, they'll be likely to pick up a child-protection issue. I sympathise with your dilemma. It's be so much easier to walk away, but how can you, if it's dh's sister and the boy is at risk? Keep us posted. Good luck.

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how on earth does she earn 60'000 a year??

Your SIL seems to have lost touch with reality. She must know childcare costs money - and much more money than she is paying. Everything you say about her - the insults, the violence, the way she treats her son, sounds like she is not stable. This may be the result of the drugs she is taking. If she has a serious drugs problem, she may be spending most of her money on drugs, and this may be why she is refusing to pay you.

Putting social services in touch with her might help her get off drugs. It might give her the support she needs to sort out her life so she can be a better parent to her son. I know it must feel like you are breaking a trust if you speak to social services, but in the long run it could be the best thing you can do for your SIL.

And her ds needs to be protected. He is so lucky he has you, but you cannot do it alone. And what would happen if your SIL took it into her head to leave, taking her ds with her. How would you feel if you lost touch with them? At least if social services know, you are not the only one watching out for your nephew.

Tegan, as Oblomov just said, you really need to talk things through with DH.
You don't want to create a whole new can of worms for yourself by going behind his back.

However he also seems subjugated by his sister as he did not seem capable of preventig her from harming you.
If you can't get through to him, do talk to SS anonymously and do not omit to tell them that she put you in hospital thus you know what she's capable of.

Do enlist support from a good friend or family because she really sounds like a nasty piece and she won't spare you. You'll need a lot of emotional support too because this might not go down well with DH and in laws.
Come here often. You are doing the right thing and we'll support you.

XXX