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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that sil should pay me to look after her child?

106 replies

tegan · 12/11/2007 18:36

I have been hvaing him 1 day a week since he was 4 months old, the other days he is passed between various family members. The child is nearly 2 and i have offered not to accept a full time job but to look after him full time (8 til 6)for £50 a week. She is mortified. AIBU

OP posts:

MaureenMLove · 12/11/2007 19:15

Tis OK, if you are a family member its ok, but she won't be able to claim any tax credits. (Like she needs to for £50 a week!) Cheeky b*tch!

louii · 12/11/2007 19:16

sorry meant to say, very noble of you and kind etc but she is totally taking advantage.

StrawberryMartini · 12/11/2007 19:17

Thanks Maureen - knew I could rely on you!

YANBU in that case it's shocking!

tigermoth · 12/11/2007 19:23

I think you need to see how much childminders in your area are paid for looking after a child for similar hours. Tell your SIL the going rate, and give her the contact details of some childmindres, if only to stop her feeling so horrified.

I don't know the legal ins and outs of this if you are not registered and not insured then could be big risks - what happens if this boy has an accident while in your care and the parents decide to sue you?

You could also do some research and visit childminders on the pretext of wanting them to care for your child, just to see what they offer and see how it compares with what you are offering your SIL.

I bet your SIL is very aware that £50.00 a week for full time care is a very low figure, btw.

smartiejake · 12/11/2007 19:23

Their joint income is £78k and she's complaining about £50 a week! Let her find a nursery then she'll realise the real cost of childcare.

lennygirl · 12/11/2007 19:29

Message withdrawn

lennygirl · 12/11/2007 19:30

Message withdrawn

MaureenMLove · 12/11/2007 19:34

Please don't visit childminders on the pretence of needing them!! You have no idea how much paper work is involved in organising a visit, not to mention how hard it is not to get excited at the prospect of a child filling your vacancy! Not a good idea! Canvass votes on here and in the Staff Room!

LIZS · 12/11/2007 19:36

Family income of £78k omg If she were on minimum wage it might be more understandable. Work out just how much has she saved over the past 2 years with her free childcare, possibly as much as £25k. She has been taking the p!ss out of you all , whether you wanted to work or not. Let her be mortified and face reality.

HairyIrene · 12/11/2007 19:40

if you dont come to some arrangement that covers your costs wtf.. and
is also payment you are happy with she will always continue to take advantage big time like this

pooka · 12/11/2007 19:43

I pay £32 a week for 2 four hour stints for ds at his lovely childminder.
She is taking the p**s.

mollymawk · 12/11/2007 19:49

I don't know anything about the legalities but where I live (London, admittedly) it costs £50 a day for a CM. And that was when I last asked which was about 4 years ago. So £50 for the entire week would be a total bargain for her.

Original poster

tegan · 12/11/2007 19:50

I know she is taking advantage but everyone seems to just jump when she says so.

When she drops her child off he is still in his pj's, hasn't had any breakfast or a nappy change so whoever has him has to do it all, and i do that as well as getting my dd's to school and playgroup.

OP posts:

Dropdeadfred · 12/11/2007 19:51

Ask her outright if she knows of anyone else that has free child care and why she is so against you being paid?

macdoodle · 12/11/2007 19:51

Why is she mortified...I would be mortified at not paying anything for those past 2 years.....my BF/neighbours mum walks my DD to school in the mornings (about 5 mins after I need to leave for work)...and used to pick her up and look after her for a few hours when she was in nursery until MIL finished her job at midday - for the 2 days a week I needed it - I was mortifed she REFUSED any payment as does my wonderful MIL - I will regularly offer (always refused) and regularly but flowers/chocs/little gifts (on various pretexts as neither like it) to show my apppreciation
She is taking the mick and YANBU!

Original poster

tegan · 12/11/2007 19:52

the going rate for a cm is £25 a day in my area but my friend owns a nursery and said she would do it for sil for £20 a day and not charge when she takes him out for holidays but she didn't take my friend up on the offer.

OP posts:

oranges · 12/11/2007 19:55

I think you just have to bow out - say you can't look after her ds any more, and leave her to sort out her own childcare.

MaureenMLove · 12/11/2007 20:15

She sounds like a complete and utter p^ss taking b*tch! Sorry, but she does! Why does everyone think she needs this much help either free or cheap? Even the nursery has offered her cheap childcare and she refused.

TBH, I wouldn't even suggest you do it for money as a relative. You need to be registered to protect yourself. Even if she is willing to pay you, she sounds like she would still take the p*ss.

ScottishMummy · 12/11/2007 20:17

Ahem £78K she can afford fulltime daycare

LittleBella · 12/11/2007 20:27

I'd second what everyone else says. FGS don't look after this child for money unless you are registered, you'll be breaking the law. I'm not sure if your SIL would be too.

Pannacotta · 12/11/2007 20:36

YANBU. She is taking the absolute piss.
My DSis helps me out 2 or 3 days a week (not much sole care of either DS1 or DS2) and I give her £60-80 a week.
I would tell her you can't help her anymore and let her sort out her own childcare arrangements.
Dont much like the sound of her, leaving her DS with you in his PJs needing breakfast and nappy change, she couldnt do that if he was at nursery... Sorry but I think she must see you as soft touch.

Kiddi · 13/11/2007 09:55

think It is border line wether it legal or not, pretty sure family is ok, and yes good family contact can be best for the child. Why not look into the possibility of becoming a childminder if you wanna be at home for your kids too. that way she will have to pay you and treat you with more respect, also you will see all the hard work that childminding involves as well as all the fun and benefits. If you decide it is the career for your then you can still charge her family rates and increase your income with other local families. as you seem to have the childs best interests at heart and dont think childcare is done by the TV, then it could be the career for you. It also seems you are used to parents who take the mick so no shocks there then if you get a lazy parent!

qjbtc · 13/11/2007 10:09

I used to pay £12 a day for a child minder . DS is now 19 and at uni. Minder was a friend and doing a favour. I supplied food and nappies etc.

tigermoth · 13/11/2007 19:40

MaureenMlove, I'm a bit intrigued as to why you think it's a really bad idea to visit childminders on the pretext of wanting them to look after a child.

Surely when anyone is looking for a childminder, they'd visit a few before deciding, just as a matter or routine? I have done this in the past whenever my sons needed a childminder. I made it clear to each childminder that I was looking around before deciding, but assumed they'd expect me to do this anyway. IMO It would be odd for parents just to visit the one childminder and decide there and then.

So I'd think most childminders must be pretty used to parents visiting, sounding things out, but then not going any further? I didn't realise there was a lot of paperwork involved in a quick visit.

I think the OP could find it useful to visit one or two local childminders, just to see what they do and how this compares to what she does with her nephew - it needn't take up a huge amount of time. And it might help her decide if she wants to be registered as a childminder herself.

Tegan, having read what your SIL earns I think she is really taking advantage of you, especially as she has been offered a cheap nursery place and turned it down.

CarGirl · 13/11/2007 19:48

what you've said gives the impression that she doesn't really care/want her son almost that he gets in the way of her old lifestyle and therefore begrudges spending money on him? Your poor nephew pushed from pillar to post when they do have the money for it to be different

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