To ban my parents from using mobile phones

[AndromedaGal]

I am fed up instructing my parents (in late 60's) how to use their mobiles. They don't even know how to turn the volume up properly, so all you hear when you call them is "Hello? Hello?...." Followed by an inevitable pause then, "Oh. Er, it doesn't appear to be working Pam. How do I........." and then lots of intermittent sounds as they randomly press buttons, followed by me being inevitably cut off. This has been going on for years. It's just painful.

They ring people inadvertently when they've stashed their phones in their back pockets because they don't know how to lock the keypads.
They send text messages to landlines.

They delete contacts, forget to turn them on when they're out and about (so what's the effing point having one) and lose them ALL.THE.TIME. And accessing the internet on their phones just causes a whole new level of trauma.

Why can't they learn the basic principles of mobile phone usage? They're intelligent and manage very well independently. But it's so exasperating as they don't always take their phones with them, and when they do, they have them turned off.

I think they should just stick to their landline TBH. Anyone else experience similar??

@FinallyFluid

My mother can't text, the grandchildren have tried, I have tried, my sister has tried,.

My brother said he valued his relationship with my mother so refused to try.

She asked my nephew the other day to show her again, he refused, she challenged him as to why not, he replied you have six grandchildren we have all given up hours on end and you get the idea and then refuse to practice, Mum has tried, FF has tried, everyone has tried, you need to pay someone to show you how, you might value their time more.

She rang me and my sister and brother and was in high dudgeon and then we all said we agreed with him, we were all public enemy no 1 for about a week.

This has been going on for a good twenty years, enough is enough.

Oh God this is like my Dad. The number of times I have taught him how to text and how to delete texts and yet the other night on the phone he said 'I really must get you to teach me how to text'.

There is no point because if you don't fucking practice it often enough you will forget again!

And don't mention learning how to change the programme on your fucking DAB radio AGAIN either!

And calm......

It may seem very annoying to most people, that older folks can be phased out about mobile phones, and I am one of them, I do have one, but only one of those dated little black Nokia ones. Its a bit rubbish, but I am not really a phone person. I basically have it for any emergency situations. of which I have never had any emergency situations. I am not a thicko regarding techno stuff, I am fairly accomplished on my laptop, and have used computers for many years.

But recently I was considering getting real,and up to date, by purchasing an I phone thing, as the whole world has them now,as everyone is glued to them now, and can't function without them.

I have seen one, that says easy to use by older people, but it still seems to have many specifications on it. I don't need to have many Apps, or other mumbo jumbo things, But would like a decent camera in it, and one with good voice receiving.

Some older people don't like the bother about phones, but can do lots of other complicated things. I am79. and can do lots of diy stuff, and in particular, woodwork things, as in making bird tables, and wooden garden furniture, with not a phone in sight !!

They sound quite teccie naive for their ages!

My parents are late 80s/ early 90s and sound like yours.

@RampantIvy

Do remember that computers, mobiles etc, were not around for this generation.

I agree that younger people who have had mobiles and computers around their whole life can't envisage how us oldies managed

When I was at school we didn't even have calculators let alone phones or computers. We used log tables and slide rules.

We got our first home PC in the early 90s when I was in my early 30s, and I got my first mobile in 1995 when I was 36. When I moved to an office based job in 1994 I had a steep learning curve and did evening classes to learn all the Microsoft applications. Now I can do Vlookups with my eyes closed

Not entirely true.

Some people worked with computers in their careers and all of us older people had access to them within the last 30 years.

My aunt never switches hers on. She's in a small town in Australia. We discovered that the said mobile was still operating, or trying to, on 2G...

This morning she’s managed to create a group chat on FB messenger with me and about 6 others and send a photo of, what looks like, her knee

This made me howl. My MIL discovered emojis with her new iPhone, but she can't quite figure out what they are, so I get celebratory salad emojis 🥗 every birthday - Im assuming she thinks it's a bouquet!?

@Blueblueblur

Firstly someone in their 60's isn't elderly. The tone of this thread is patronising as fuck. These are people who probably spent many hours teaching you skills such as reading,.using cutley, writing, going to the toilet. Listening to you playing an instrument badly, sitting beside you when you were learning to drive. Have a word with yourselves.

Absolutely. Patronising as fuck.

I am gobsmacked that parents in their 60s can't operate a laptop/desktop/smartphone. To be honest, I find it really pathetic.

If someone struggles with eyesight, fine, but get a Doro phone designed for you. I am in my mid 60s and I cannot imagine being so helpless. I use my phone for everything that my adult DCs do. I log my food on MyFitnessPal, I whatsapp, book flights, tickets, scan QR codes, use parking apps, Tripadvisor, cityMapper and operate my Nest thermostat.

Why are people so helpless? I do not want to be useless and reliant on my kids if I was left on my own, and I think more married couples in their 60s and 70s should think like that.
If I have a problem with my laptop or smartphone I google it, and spend ages sorting it, I rarely contact the kids. I like the sense of achievement to sort it myself.

I think what you require from a phone depends on your life circumstances as well @1forAll74.

For example, DD is a student and she uses Messenger as her default for keeping in contact with me. I found my phone really usefeul when she got stranded in another town when trains were cancelled due to cows on the line. DD found out what was happening by checking the Trainline app on her phone. I ended up having to fetch her, and used my phone as a sat nav (better than purpose built sat navs these days IMO).

My in laws get on like this and they're in their 50s 😂

@Curlygirl06

My dad was given a printer and was trying to connect it to his computer. Cue swearing and cursing, peering at the instructions, more swearing. Eventually (after hours and hours) my mum rang me. The land line was in the hall, so she's sat on the stairs shouting questions from him and responses from me, you get the picture. Anyway, I'm asking questions and not getting far, and then I asked if dad had the printer on his desktop. Mum toddled off to look, came back and said " no, he's got it on the windowsill". I had to put the phone down.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

My mum was totally technology illiterate.

We got her a laptop. We all tried to teach her how to use it. I wrote down instructions, with little pictures, right from 'Press THIS button' (with an arrow) through to full instructions (with screenshots printed out) on how to access emails and her supermarket sites.

It didn't go in. At all. But she decided a smartphone would be ideal, having seen me and my sister use 'The Google' on ours.

I bought her one- the exact same model as mine. I gave it the same passcode as mine. Set it up exactly like mine. It was foolproof...Except that every time I went over there she'd managed to press some buttons/swipe something and moved icons or deleted things. We gave up at that point.

My Dad, on the other hand, was a whizz on the computer. His favourite thing to do was over-order peculiar things (packets of cinnamon, for example) and send me 'funny' emails.

I was told on a training course that (on average of course) your ability to learn technology deteriorates as you get older, whilst the pace of change in technology accelerates. Basically there's a point where it will overtake you. I'm only 50 and trying to avoid that happening, every time I hear myself say "I can't work this TV remote" or "I can't figure this new system out" I give myself a kick.

This is such an unpleasant thread.

My DParents (both in their 80s) know that they can call on any of their children and grandchildren to talk them through phone and computer problems without anyone getting irritated with them. As a PP pointed out, they have spent hours of their lives teaching us various skills and supporting us.

I hope PPs who are mocking older relatives lack of tech skills are treated with a bit more compassion by their own DC in years to come.

used my phone as a sat nav (better than purpose built sat navs these days IMO).

Does anyone still use traditional sat nav?

My parents are nightmares. Both in their early seventies both worked full time until fairly recently but anything new to them or anything with technology and they just close their minds shut. They don't send or receive texts they can't use their phones properly at all. My sister has gotten them several different types to see if it will help them but no it never does. They have issues using the telly. It's very frustrating and hard to believe as they are otherwise very vibrant people. Oh and they also never drove.

So many people have said that it isn’t age it’s attitude. That doesn’t strike me as particularly ageist.

And how can anyone complain about their parents - who are by definition a generation older - without sounding ageist? The OP has only specifically talked about her own parents as far as I can see.

I'm sorry, but this thread is neither ageist or condescending.
The only people to mention age as a factor are those complaining

I am loving some messages on this thread

However, as many have mentioned, so 'technophobe' in their late 60s? I was by no means an early adopter and I got my first mobile phone in 1997... they must have been really reluctant to get one for decades!

I'm shocked at people in their 60s being like that. My 75 year old DM is far more proficient with technology than I am and my 80 year old DMil is currently running weekly zoom meetings with her community of crafters.

@saraclara

I'm 65, live alone, and if someone even thought to mention that I "manage very well independently" I'd be absolutely gobsmacked. And furious. They can save that for thirty years time, if I'm still around.

Words fail me.

Same here. I'm still working and lead a full life. My mother was independent into her 90s living alone. Anyone suggesting that it would be unusual for me to live competently independently or not use a mobile phone confidently can get to fuck.

But what gets me about this is...

I would miss out on so much if I couldn't do all that I do technology wise. Just today one DC has sent me a recipe of something with a code to log it into myFitnessPal. Another DC has done a video call. We've had a group discussion about a family dilemma. Also links of sofabeds one of them wants to buy asking my advice... and so on.

What on earth do people do without this?

Late 60s is very young to be struggling with a mobile phone.

It's hard to understand if you grew up with such technology, especially as so much of it seems simple and intuitive. Like others say though they were -hopefully- patient with you as they taught you things so maybe keep trying with them. It might be good to print out some instructions they can follow. I've done that with my parents, who are much better than they used to be.

Also on this point: they don't always take their phones with them, and when they do, they have them turned off
Having a mobile phone doesn't mean you've consented to always be reachable or to always have it on you. I don't always take it with me as I have this crazy idea that I'm allowed to go a walk undisturbed. I really dislike if people get annoyed at me for that as I never promised to always be reachable.

What a depressingly patronising thread this is.