To ban my parents from using mobile phones

[AndromedaGal]

I am fed up instructing my parents (in late 60's) how to use their mobiles. They don't even know how to turn the volume up properly, so all you hear when you call them is "Hello? Hello?...." Followed by an inevitable pause then, "Oh. Er, it doesn't appear to be working Pam. How do I........." and then lots of intermittent sounds as they randomly press buttons, followed by me being inevitably cut off. This has been going on for years. It's just painful.

They ring people inadvertently when they've stashed their phones in their back pockets because they don't know how to lock the keypads.
They send text messages to landlines.

They delete contacts, forget to turn them on when they're out and about (so what's the effing point having one) and lose them ALL.THE.TIME. And accessing the internet on their phones just causes a whole new level of trauma.

Why can't they learn the basic principles of mobile phone usage? They're intelligent and manage very well independently. But it's so exasperating as they don't always take their phones with them, and when they do, they have them turned off.

I think they should just stick to their landline TBH. Anyone else experience similar??

Yanbu

My parents are a similar age and don't need help with smartphones but in the 80s, I was the one who had to manage the VCR and we got the Internet because I asked.

@gnushoes

They're in their late 60s and "manage very well independently"? Fuck me. I'm 10 years shy of that and it ISN'T OLD. They are just crap with mobile phones probably because they aren't that interested. That IS allowed, you know.

I agree with the sentiment of your post!

I think it comes down to attitude. My father (late 70s) is interested in technology and sees the value in it. My mother (slightly younger) just says "I can't get my head around it". It's almost a sort of learned helplessness (or habit of helplessness).

Ageist nonsense.

If my children tried to ban me from using anything, I'd tell them to fuck off with their patronising bollocks. HTH.

My dad is a nightmare too. He's late 70's and he can use it for phone calls, but that's it. If I text him, he can see the text but have no clue how to respond. He has an email address set up too, which he has never looked at. I check it for him when I go and see him.

Once I had to order a new SIM card for him, as his had stopped working. This was a Saturday evening and I did it all for him online and once I was done I showed him where the order confirmation was in his email inbox. He was amazed that somebody was working so late on a Saturday night typing up his order confirmation and sending it to him.

My parents are older and work theirs fine, it's your parents not their age

I should add though that he can take a car apart and put it back together, no problem. He's just rubbish with technology.

This has made me think of the time my husbands Grandad was irritated because the TV remote wasn't working....turns out he had the remote control for the garage door, which was going up/down/up/down for ages! Neighbours were so perplexed they called nearby family out of concern.

60’s isn’t even that old. My DF is 71 and has used a mobile for over 20 years. He’s fine. He can phone, text, listen to music and read the news and football results on it. He could probably do more but that’s the stuff he’s interested in. Likewise I’ve Aunties and Uncles who are 70 plus and manage perfectly well.

It’s a bit of a sweeping generalisation and dare I say a big agist, to say that all older people are crap with technology. It’s not my experience at all..

I'm 65, live alone, and if someone even thought to mention that I "manage very well independently" I'd be absolutely gobsmacked. And furious. They can save that for thirty years time, if I'm still around.

Words fail me.

Why do they need instructing? If they have problems using their phones, they should be quite capable of learning how to use them to avoid said problems, or of buying more basic phones.

My mum is 80 and manages fine. My dad did too.

Is it both of them? Surely that's odd.

Have they got assessed for dementia?

@Bluedeblue

This has made me think of the time my husbands Grandad was irritated because the TV remote wasn't working....turns out he had the remote control for the garage door, which was going up/down/up/down for ages! Neighbours were so perplexed they called nearby family out of concern.

That's like something I could do, very, very easily.

Right, but this is not humor about parenting. This is just another example of how increasingly dismissive & patronising (thinly veiled as humor) mumsnet is towards anyone over 50 really. It's been very visible particularly in the last year.

No this is OP talking about her parents’ lack of ability to use a phone and other MNers sharing their stories of their parents. Just like plenty of MNers share humours stories of their DC getting this game wrong. Cockporn anyone?

I have full access to my Dad's bank account, as he can't do anything on-line. Sometimes it sends a one time pass code to his mobile. He can NEVER find the text. I can hear the text ping at his end, but he insists he's not got it.

He can only call me by saying "Hey Google, call blue"....if it goes to voicemail he thinks the phone isn't working, cue lots of "fucking phone, piece of shit etc" which I then get delivered by my voicemail. Aargh!!!!

What my dm does is have a basic brick phone that she can happily call or text from. If I want to send photos or anything I just Whatsapp them to my dad, or I know he shows her things on Facebook. They're both 70 and use the laptop fine, but she just doesn't want the functionality of a smart phone, I think it's her eyesight as much as anything. This seems to work well for them.

This game= Some things

My mother (slightly younger) just says "I can't get my head around it". It's almost a sort of learned helplessness (or habit of helplessness).

My SIL is like this. I find it incredibly frustrating. Even her children have told her that she needs to get out of her comfort zone. She wouldn't even try to renew her driving licence online and got one of her sons to do it for her.

Had she asked me I would have sat down with her and talked her through completing the online questions.

Ha Ha, is that you dd?
She was surprised how I managed to order from Just Eat the other night, cheeky cow
Mine are always complaining I'm useless, but not quite as bad as those mentioned.
I suppose it must be annoying but my dh mum is 78 and she's really tech savvy, so it doesn't always go.
Do remember that computers, mobiles etc, were not around for this generation.
I'm nearly 55 iirc we were the last school leaders not to be using computers. We were allowed to opt for metal work and woodwork, rather than typing or home economics.

My inlaws are like this and they have had phones and iPads for years now, often getting the latest ones without having the first idea about them. My DM is five plus years older than them and so much better with technology. It's just having the desire to learn I think.

My mil cried when we bought her an iPad for Xmas, not out of joy but because she was so terrified of using the thing. She loves it now and has mastered video calls, WhatsApp and Facebook!!

60 something is not old - believe me! I am it. My DH and all my mates are 60 somethings and all of us are totally IT/computer/phone/social media literate. The FIL is 90 something and better with computers than any of us. Don't be ageist. It is an awful thing.

60s really isn't old. My parents are 70 and are pretty much phone and computer savvy, using zoom and apps etc with ease. My mum does get irritated with her phone when I'm pretty sure it isn't doing anything wrong, often saying, "stupid thing" but she is pressing the wrong buttons or being heavy handed.

Both my parents have their text notifications set to repetitively bleep until they respond which baffles me. The whole point of text messages as far as I'm concerned is people can respond in their own time rather than having to interrupt what they are doing to answer a phone. It does mean that if I don't reply instantly they tend to ring me on mobile and or landline and leave long rambling voicemail messages which I haven't listened to by the time I manage to ring them back (all of 5 mins later).

My parents are in their 80’s and my dad loves all Apple products and spends £££ on the latest. He has an Apple desktop, a laptop and a phone and most of the speaker systems etc. He has also really got back into his vinyl again upgrading his set up cos “everyone’s doing it”. But he is a highly educated research scientist and loves tech, cameras, photography etc. My mum also has a science degree and can text, send pics, WhatsApp etc and loves using emojis! I think it just depends on whether you’re into it, see the value, not age at all.

I understand not taking phone out, it really annoys my dc
I grew up when you didn't have to contact every Tom Dick and Sally, everyday, or be accountable for your whereabouts.
Any emergency can wait until I get home, like it used to do.
They moan they can never contact me.
We have so many ways of contacting people now. Sometimes your parents have better things to do.
I do still have one dependant, it's lovely to go shopping and not have to do everyone elses too.
"Can you just pick up" I can't if my phones at home.
I'm not stupid.

Do remember that computers, mobiles etc, were not around for this generation.

I agree that younger people who have had mobiles and computers around their whole life can't envisage how us oldies managed

When I was at school we didn't even have calculators let alone phones or computers. We used log tables and slide rules.

We got our first home PC in the early 90s when I was in my early 30s, and I got my first mobile in 1995 when I was 36. When I moved to an office based job in 1994 I had a steep learning curve and did evening classes to learn all the Microsoft applications. Now I can do Vlookups with my eyes closed