Pooling money in a relationship

[Isaidwhatisaid1]

Supposing you were unmarried and no children but had moved in together.
Both worked full-time but one earned 20k and one earned 30k for instance?

If it were me I'd want the rent and bills etc. To be paid pro rata according to salary, so the higher earner paid more.

But do you think that all money should be pooled together, and that both should have the same disposable income and savings, even though one earns more?

No. Obviously not

I think there should be a joint account for bills and then either 50/50 or pro rata, depending on circumstances. For example, if the higher earner is pushing for a more expensive rental then pro rata makes sense as the higher earner is pushing the higher outgoings. If it's not that sort of situation then as independent adults, I'd think 50/50 like you would in a houseshare, and review as the relationship develops.

The rest of each person's money should be theirs to do as they please.

No, I'd never do that. Never did it when I was married either.

My DH and I pool money, but we've been together 21 years, married for 11 and have 3 children.

When we first moved in together, it was a pro rata split of bills and then we each had our own money. We only pooled money after 2nd child I think, when I didn't return to work for a couple of years.

If I were unmarried, I'd want all the bills to be split based on income. I'd only pool everything if we were married.

Split costs 50/50. Keep your share of what's left of your salary.

No.
It's only when children are involved that it needs to be 'fair', as one party tends to take more of the childcare/housework on at the expense of their own salary.
Not until then.

50/50 of the bills whilst just dating, different if married. The lower earner can always look for more hours, second job etc if they want more disposable income.

We did 50:50 (although while I was a student he paid council tax as I was exempt and an additional £100 for the rent as he wanted a bigger place) until our salary difference was over 5k.

Now we are married with a baby so I have calculated all our bills, including a saving buffer, and then we pro rata this amount based on net income.

We are married and don’t do that. We totalled all of our outgoings plus a 10% slush fund then calculated the proportion based on income (in our house I pay 75%, DH pays 25% because I earn more than him) then that goes into a joint account for all bills to come out of.

Personally no, I’ve never subscribed to this belief that both parties should have the same disposable income (before anyone jumps on me about SAHP, yes, of course they should have access to money). But you’ve got no kids, so there’s even less reason to combine finances. You could perhaps open a joint account that all the mortgage and bills come out of, and both put your share in there every month. If the salaries are significantly different then yes they should be proportional

Agree with 50 50 unless married, with the stated incomes. If one earned £70k and the other 15k i would split differently

Before marriage all bills should be split 50/50 regardless of earnings. After marriage it should be pooled IMO.

We have been together 12 years and married 8. My husband earns double what I earn so he pays most of the bills. We split the mortgage 50/50 but he covers most of the other stuff. He is planning on changing his job to an easier one in 3 years and will earn roughly the same as me - we will then split the bills equally.

I think if not married then go halves on all bills and keep the rest for yourselves.

Dh and I have our incomes go directly into a joint account- bills are all direct debit and come out of it. We just take what we need for the kids and ourselves. He earns 80% of our household income but we're married and parents so we aren't petty enough for me to live off my income and him off his. Even before marriage and kids it was about 30/70 and we pooled.

Nope

This is basically my marriage.

I pay all bills Inc mortgage which is 450. He pays water 70 and council tax and gives me 330. I earn more. However I am also saving money

DP and I have a joint account for bills. He earns slightly more than I do, but I get child maintenance and CB, so we are roughly equal in monthly income. We put in 50% each. If I haven't gained a promotion by the time I stop getting CM and CB, he will put in a bit more proportionally.

50/50 is the only fair way to do it. Unless one of the couple is looking for a free ride?

We had a really uneven income when we first moved in together I was a student working part time and my partner worked full time. He paid all big bills such as mortgage and council tax, utilities and I paid food, sky ect. This has continued but in the last 11 year things have changed hugely in relation to income. I pay anything new that comes in such as childcare which is huge but if I ask he always gives. I think things move in waves in relationships before kids and after uni I had far more expendable income and paid most of the holidays ect. Now with childcare he has far more expendable income and buys guitars and junk....... once DD is at school I’ll be pretty flush again. It’s about making sure the other is never without, I’d never say no to giving him £100 for a night out if he had less disposable than me and he wouldn’t say no to anything I ask for when he is flush

When I was mid 20s my ex and I split expenses 50:50 despite him earning more than me. It felt fair (he wasn't earning so much more he wanted a bigger flat or more expensive lifestyle).

When I moved in with my now husband, I moved into his home. I paid him an agreed amount (what I was paying for my existing flat/bills) and he paid the rest. He was still paying less overall as I was contributing but it was his house and I would have had no claim if we'd split up. When we got engaged, we shared all our money and still do.

My ex earned a 1/3 more than me so we both put 60% of our salaries into a joint account. He had more disposable income than me but was very good about paying for the bulk of holidays, paying a bit extra to get a nicer car - that sort of thing.

@Blankspace101

50/50 is the only fair way to do it. Unless one of the couple is looking for a free ride?

How is it looking for a free ride when one of you happens to earn less than the other? My DP earns about 10 times as much as I do. If we moved in together he would fully expect to take on the majority of the costs of both living and socialising because he loves me and wouldn’t want to be able to go on nice holidays and wear designer clothes while I’m wearing Primark and stuck at home because I can’t afford to go with him.

If you’re actually partners instead of just seeing each other, why wouldn’t you want to make sure each other is ok? If I was a higher earner there’s no way I'd expect DP to pay 50/50 on bills leaving me with thousands spare and him scrimping on yellow stickers at the supermarket. My DP credits my emotional and practical support for his success, we're
a team. We don't have DC together but he understands that having put my time and energy into parenting 3 DCs with my ex that I'm on the back foot careerwise. But I bring plenty more to the table than money.

I earn considerably more than dp but we have always split all bills 50/50, I obviously have more disposable income but pay for more things like home improvements etc