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Original poster

Pooling money in a relationship

59 replies

Isaidwhatisaid1 · 18/04/2021 21:07

Supposing you were unmarried and no children but had moved in together.
Both worked full-time but one earned 20k and one earned 30k for instance?

If it were me I'd want the rent and bills etc. To be paid pro rata according to salary, so the higher earner paid more.

But do you think that all money should be pooled together, and that both should have the same disposable income and savings, even though one earns more?

OP posts:
HTH1 · 18/04/2021 22:13

We pool all money (and I’m by far the higher earner) but we wouldn’t if we weren’t married.

Viviennemary · 18/04/2021 22:15

I think each person should pay half. Otherwise its being a free loader. Different if you're married of havd children.

Bananalanacake · 18/04/2021 22:19

No, forget it, way easier to live alone and spend all your money on yourself, you can still have a relationship without living together.

LongIslandIcedT · 18/04/2021 22:19

We share all income and outgoings but only since marriage. It's worked really well for us but neither of us are big spenders. There's no mine or yours or I'll pay for this, you pay next time malarkey. It has served us well during my mat leave and his redundancy when the main earner has switched.

GreenWillow · 18/04/2021 22:22

Living together - Joint account for bills, with each of you paying in as a % of salary. Sole accounts for the remainder.

Pooled financed once married.

CharlotteRose90 · 18/04/2021 22:25

Nope no chance . My ex was the highest earner but we split things 50/50 as we weren’t married. Unless I was married I don’t believe in pooling money.

Rowl · 18/04/2021 22:38

DH and I pool and did so before marriage too. Our salaries have fluctuated, sometimes I've earned more and sometimes less than him. Sharing enabled us to achieve things before marriage that we otherwise couldn't have otherwise such as both changing careers and having a nicer home. I couldn't imagine being with anyone who keeps a wall around their money. I know of couples like this and do wonder if they would have better homes / lifestyles if they combined resources.

TeeBee · 18/04/2021 22:39

Definitely not.

Wwwomble · 18/04/2021 22:44

I wouldnt want to have more or less disposable income than my partner, no matter how much we earned. We lived together at an early stage and pooled enough of our money to pay bills and joint stuff, with a similarish amount left each. But then, we were in our twenties and envisaged spending our future together. Which so far we have. After kids he earns much more than me, but doesn’t have more money.

HarleyQuinn21 · 18/04/2021 22:45

We're married and just pool all our money together - just dating I think bills should be split 50/50 and disposable income kept separately (if partners earn the same or nearly the same, different if like one earnt 20k and the other 120k but I guess it's personal to everyone)

Notmyusual80 · 18/04/2021 22:48

If you're in a longterm relationship and plan to share your lives, why would you not share your money? I would find it so off-putting if my partner wanted to work out the exact split of all finances in so much detail. I really don't like it when people are so mindful of who owes what etc - it would make me feel like money is the most important thing in life. I feel the same about people who expect to inherit money from their parents. I don't want a dime from my parents, I'd rather they enjoyed their money and had a great retirement. Yes money is necessary but there are far more important things in life.
And no, I'm not wealthy!

greensnail · 18/04/2021 22:53

We always pooled everything from when we moved in together. Neither of us had much at that point so it just made sense to chuck everything in together to ensure the bills got paid.

Youseethethingis · 18/04/2021 22:56

50/50 is fine but only on the understanding that your joint lifestyle will have to be based on what the lower earning partner is able to afford.
If the higher earning partner wants the bigger flat on the nicer street because they can afford it then they should pay the extra.

FireflyRainbow · 18/04/2021 22:57

Nope if my partner moved in it would be 50/50. It's not my fault I save and he spends all his money on his hobby.

Wanderlust20 · 18/04/2021 23:30

@Longingforatikihut

Split costs 50/50. Keep your share of what's left of your salary.
Yup, was about to say this.
Wanderlust20 · 18/04/2021 23:34

Just to add we have a joint account for bills but everything else is our own disposable income - we'll take turns to buy takeaways treats etc or just half for things eg nice things for the house. I'm married and I'd hate not to have some financial independence. I think it's quite old fashioned to pool money, my mum and dad do it but none of my friends do as far as I know? Each to their own though, it only matters if both parties are comfortable with the arrangement.

Nesski · 18/04/2021 23:39

50/50 until you're married unless you're salary is extremely skewed, in this case it's not.

Siepie · 18/04/2021 23:44

Lots of factors to consider.

When DP and I moved in together, I was a PhD student and she had a well paying job. If I’d had to pay half the rent, we could only have afforded a 1 bed flat. DP wanted a house with garden, so she paid more of the rent.

After marriage we pooled our money completely. She still earns more than me but the gap isn’t as big as it was.

MadMadMadamMim · 18/04/2021 23:59

50:50 if you're not married and just moving in together.

If Dp earns £30,000 and I earned £20,000 why the hell should he be giving me £5,000 a year because he earns more?

Share the rent and bills - but I can't see any reason why the higher earner should then hand over half their extra salary. Possibly they have either worked hard for higher qualifications, have been doing the job longer, or work longer hours.I
It's different if you're married.

Melodieunchained · 19/04/2021 00:09

My eyes skimmed over the title and I misread it as POOING money in a Relationship..Grin

Sorry, OP, not remotely helpful, I know.

allaboutthecrisps · 19/04/2021 00:21

I agree with the people saying 50/50. At this early stage in your relationship splitting costs proportionately does not seem right. Just rent a place which the lower earner can afford 50% of.

notangelinajolie · 19/04/2021 00:23

We've always pooled from day 1. In the beginning I was the one with savings, big salary and 2 pretty big inheritances. It was me who paid for the deposit on our first house. After 3 kids and over 30 years married, it's all come full circle. I don't earn anything now, DH is the sole earner and about to inherit himself. We share, and have always shared. It's never been about 'his and her' money. Always 'ours'. That's what marriage is,

VettiyaIruken · 19/04/2021 00:28

I've always been a one pot person. Works for us. Everyone should do what's right for them.

safclass · 19/04/2021 00:36

This is a very personal choice an d there is no general right/wrong. It's what is best for you as a couple. Personally I wouldn't have been marrying someone I didn't trust with money etc. As soon as me and my fiance decided we were gettinghouse/married we got a joint bank account. We pooled our money but were both earning exactly the same. I had a DS 9 at the time but that didn't come into it. Now husband adopted him.
24yra later we still have joint account and savings but we each have own savings ISA with same amount in. I changed jobs and earn less but I still access the disposable income for what I/we want/need in the same way.

leiaskye · 19/04/2021 22:13

We’ve been together for 25years & had a joint account since before we moved in together. Married for 18 years, 2 children.

At first we just used the joint account to repay a loan we had taken out, but once we moved on together, we pooled all our money together, paid the bills & spent what we needed between ourselves. I’ve never had a set amount. We earned a similar amount for a long time.

However, DH’s salary has increased substantially over the years. He now earns 3.5 times my salary, but the plan is the same.

We now save the equivalent of my salary each month, living off his. At no point have we ever even discussed splitting the bills in a % formula.

I appreciate this may work for some, but not us.