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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think age 5-11 is the best age to enjoy parenting

125 replies

Flowers24 · 18/04/2021 18:19

In my experience, yes. Someone once said to me when mine were babies, 5-11 is the most perfect stage, they were right, we had the best times when our kids were in this range, family days out, weekends away, holidays, 2 smiling kids who wanted to be with mum & dad, past the early baby/ toddler bit and before the teen bit, is it just me or is that the best?
Im now in teen and young adult stage , I really miss those days of them being that age, the smiley photos round the house. Now it feels parenting is mainly difficult, with the odd nice bits thrown in :(

OP posts:
Treaclepie19 · 18/04/2021 21:55

Looking back I think about 15months to 2.5 was lovely.
Ds1 is and always has been hard work. I thought dd would be easier but she seems just as wild and more alert. Help 😂

(They are both cute as a button though)

CoRhona · 18/04/2021 22:01

I prefer the teenage years, I feel like I was 'mum taxi' during the younger ones!

Ihaveaskedyouthrice · 18/04/2021 22:01

I can see how that is true. I have a 4, 5 and 8 year old and the last year things have started to feel alot easier. The 4 year old is still hard work but the 5 year old is a dream.

Chemtrailsoverthebeach · 18/04/2021 22:02

One long grotty phase after the next!
Dd is 5 and actually if I just had her then I probably be enjoying it more but throw her 11 year old brother who has ASD and it’s miserable. He’s been hard work from birth.
I cannot wait for them both to leave home. I’m hoping for 18 and then I will downsize so there aren’t any bedrooms 😂

Bearclaw · 18/04/2021 22:06

I’m looking forward to the teenage years when I can help my kids with homework, teach them and relate to them on an intellectual level. Pre-Covid I used to teach teenagers and I find it’s a great age because they’re so intellectually inquisitive and starting to share adult interests so you can relate to them as people. You can talk to them as equals about stuff like books and movies and current affairs, whereas I don’t share any interests at all with my kids because they’re too young and I’m not interested in Peppa Pig.

UthredofBattenberg · 18/04/2021 22:15

I dont know. I honestly think each stage has its plus and minus points.

Babies are 24/7 full on, but nothing beats those cuddly snuggly baby cuddles.

Toddlers can try your patience to no end whatsoever and well, tantrums! But the utter joy they find in the most mundane of things is a joy.

Primary school is good for different reasons, they are more independent, they can be left slightly more to their own devices. But, they still have tantrums, they fall out with their mates, they tall incessantly about whatever random shite they are into right now. But, they still love and cuddle and still think you are the greatest.

Teenagers, well, I imagine I'll see less of them, get more drama and more attitude. But I'll see less of them, so maybe it will be tolerable! Grin

TangoWhiskyAlphaTango · 18/04/2021 22:15

I disagree, my 2 DC are 17 & 16 and I absolute love their ages. There is only the 3 of us at home and we just gel so well together. I love that we can have interesting conversations, that they have their own opinions on things, that they are polite, considerate and hardworking. They both have a lovely boyfriend / girlfriend and I can see the adults they are becoming. Far from the awful stroppy teenagers I expected they are delightful, I also have far more freedom now which I also love. I would not swap it for the younger years for all the tea in China!

RampantIvy · 18/04/2021 22:16

I found the teenage years the hardest. Teenage girls can be utter bitches, and DD suffered some horrific bullying. It badly affected her self esteem, and 7 years later she still has low self esteem.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 18/04/2021 22:20

No, age 1-7 is the best. Lovely and cute when they are tiny babies, but too much stuff to take everywhere, and the crying is a pita.

Wriggleout · 18/04/2021 22:24

Love my teens. I love their independence and it's given me back a bit of freedom. When they were really young, I felt held back, terrible to admit really

Nogoodusername · 18/04/2021 22:25

I agree - although have to say up to age 10 if you have DDs, as the hard years definitely kicked in at 10!!

LeggingWoah · 18/04/2021 22:25

Thanks for this. Mine are 5 and 8 and we'd recently commented on how much easier everything is - will be sure to make the most of it.

Prior to this though I'd say the year between age 1 and 2 is 'the golden year'.

VictoriaLudorum · 18/04/2021 22:29

3 to 7 were the golden years

blueshoes · 18/04/2021 22:31

I agree 5-11 is the golden age in general. Old enough to be independent and not need constant physical care and before the teenage years and exam stress (unless sitting for 11+). Also good fun, generally still love their mummies and daddies. Hugs, cuddles.

MaryShelley1818 · 18/04/2021 22:53

I hated the baby stage with DS, he had colic and reflux, seemingly non stop virus/colds which sent my anxiety through the roof with constant temperatures and monthly visits to A&E, constant stress and worry, and loathed the crying. From age 14mths he has just got better and better. Now at age 3 I can't imagine ever finding him more wonderful than I do right now, he's so funny, imaginative and loving. I love every moment I spend with him.

DD is 11wks old and I love her but honestly I'm wishing the next year away as I just find that first year so difficult. She sleeps like a dream so I feel guilty complaining but the crying, constant feeding and clinginess I find so difficult and I'm struggling again.

IdblowJonSnow · 18/04/2021 23:07

I think 3 to 9 is lovely. My oldest is 11 and as soon as we got to age 10 lots of issues started springing up. I did not enjoy high school at all so feel very on edge about how she will find it.
I get the ache for when they were very little but I couldn't do it again.

SheilaWilcox · 18/04/2021 23:18

God, don't say that. My DD is 10 nearly 11 and I was hoping things would get better one day.

Remaker · 18/04/2021 23:28

I think every age has its ups and downs. We went on holiday (are not in UK) recently and were up til midnight with our 13yo and 14yo doing quizzes and laughing hysterically. Then we all slept in until 9am. We went out to eat every night and they like to try new things, no more kids meals hooray. I like talking about politics with them, I like watching them pursue their interests and feel so proud when they do well and it’s all from hard work and commitment.

Mine were pretty easy in primary school but a lot of kids have a tough time at that age if they don’t fit in or struggle with schoolwork. I still get quite a few cuddles from my 13yo, will miss those when they disappear.

Howmanysleepsnow · 18/04/2021 23:32

I voted YABU. 2 of mine are still in this age group, so no rose tinted glasses! I’m sure in 5 years I’ll think differently.

TweeterandtheMonkeyman · 18/04/2021 23:39

The fact that I’ve suddenly got a full on teenager at age 11 has been a bit of a shock to the system! Feel like puberty kicked in overnight here !! Shock Nice to hear from those of you who are enjoying the teenage years.
I struggled with babies and toddlers, my mental health suffered- have found the primary school years much much easier.

BackforGood · 18/04/2021 23:40

but, life was much easier and simpler in the primary years!!

I'd disagree with that.
Trouble being in the Primary years, they need an adult to be with them still - be that at home or to take them out. That is bloomin' hard work when you have more than one dc and you also WOTH.
When ds was going to cubs at 8, I had to take both younger ones with me to take him and fetch him (as dh wasn't at home at the time). Ditto swimming lessons. Wrangling a hot baby and a tired toddler whilst trying to get the oldest one to dry themselves and get dressed isn't what I'd call easy nor simple.
During the teen years
a) you can take one and leave the others at home
b) sometimes they can walk or go on the bus or train
c) they can readily hop in with a friend who is going somewhere without any car seat forethought.

.... now that's just about transporting them places.
Loads of other advantages to them being older.
Definitely easier as they get older, in my book.

WingingItSince1973 · 18/04/2021 23:53

Yep totally agree

RaiseTheBeastie · 19/04/2021 00:04

I think 3-9 is the nicest.

They're independent (not completely obviously but more than babies!), good fun and ime easily satisfied with a trip to the park or beach and an ice cream. Plus they're cheap! I can kit my 3 year old out for the summer season for a tenth of the cost I need to spend on my rapidly stretching 13 year old who now needs mens clothing and shoes.

My eldest are 13 and 11. They're lovely, intelligent, polite and well behaved mostly so no horror stories here. But Jesus, it's difficult to occupy them, clothes, activities, technology cost a bomb.

Personally I find that the worry over them at secondary increases tenfold because as a parent you're so much further removed and have nowhere near the same level of knowledge of their school lives or friends, no single teacher to chat to on the door if you have a concern etc.

pastaparadise · 19/04/2021 00:07

Dc are 4 and 6, so not sure yet! But i LOVED the baby and toddler stage, despite finding it a bit relentless. I'm struggling with them getting older and more independent and miss those early days. I find dc1 more argumentative now at 6 than he ever was when a toddler, when he was really laid back.

I worry about teenage years when they will pull away and all their problems can't be fixed with a cuddle and a lolly.

DenisetheMenace · 19/04/2021 00:07

Ours are 18 and 26 ands it’s just lovely. Throw the first grandchild into the mix, perfect!

Didn’t enjoy babyhood, too fraught, toddlerhood, delightful, school years, ups and downs. Now really is very nice indeed 😃

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