Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour lifted up my fence?!

112 replies

Fizzystrawberrybelt · 18/04/2021 10:38

Hi everyone.

So last night my neighbours had some people round in their back garden, playing music, drinking and just genuinely being loud.
I was in my kitchen finishing up dinner, and saw something in my back garden. A man (who I didn’t know) had darted across my garden, grabbed a ball (not mine) and then gone back into next doors garden. They’d lifted up the fence between both gardens to let themselves in... WTF?!
I didn’t say anything at the time as they’d all been drinking, and the neighbours are quite rough as it is, so any conversation I would have had at that point would have escalated and I was home alone with DD9.
I’ve woken up today and I’m still really pissed off about it. I can understand wanting a ball back, but why not knock my door/send me a message instead? I feel like it’s a total invasion of privacy, if my DD had been in the garden at the time she would have been terrified.
Should I say something to the mum? Or am I being precious and overreacting?
Now I’m worried that if I go out anywhere they could let themselves into my garden whenever they feel like it!
I wrote out a message last night of what I wanted to say and slept on it until today just to make sure that I didn’t say anything in anger etc but unsure if I should send it, or let it drop.

OP posts:
Somanysocks · 18/04/2021 11:29

If they're as skanky as you say and they do that knowing you're at home who knows what they would do if they know you're out.

Sparklingbrook · 18/04/2021 11:32

@Somanysocks

If they're as skanky as you say and they do that knowing you're at home who knows what they would do if they know you're out.
I would agree with that if it wasn't literally just a ball retrieval exercise. He 'darted', no hanging about, no nicking the garden ornaments, he retrieved a ball. Why would he need to go in that garden otherwise?
lorca · 18/04/2021 11:36

I'd be furious if someone 'darted' into my garden. They might trample plants, damage shrubs, scare my kids who might be out there.

Get the fence secure - and they can fucking ask if they want something thrown back!

Sparklingbrook · 18/04/2021 11:37

Were any plants/shrubs trampled @Fizzystrawberrybelt?

GreenSlide · 18/04/2021 11:38

It's a bit annoying but given that it was a guest who did it, and by the sounds of it the scary dad is off his head on crack half the time, I'd just go with the wedges and say nothing.

Puffinhead · 18/04/2021 11:39

I definitely wouldn’t like this either. I’d be securing the panels pronto and start planting.

rainbowthoughts · 18/04/2021 11:41

I feel like it’s a total invasion of privacy, if my DD had been in the garden at the time she would have been terrified.

Surely she would have popped the ball back over? Either with or without prompting. It's unlikely they would lift a fence to come into your garden if your DD was there.

Nothingyet · 18/04/2021 11:44

@Fizzystrawberrybelt

They’re the type that slot into concrete posts at either side of the fence panel, if that makes sense? So they shouldn’t be lifted up, but they can be. It was only around 6:30/7pm too.

I’m debating trying to knock some nails into the bottom of the fence posts and the concrete base board to try and secure it so they can’t do it again Blush

That's a bit spiteful. You want to keep any balls that come into your garden?
Bargebill19 · 18/04/2021 11:45

You can put chocks into the panel groove of the concrete post. It wedges them in so they can’t be lifted. You can use any thin piece of wood. We bought some lengths of square beading and hammered it into palace.
Job done.

Bargebill19 · 18/04/2021 11:46

Added bonus it stops them rattling in the wind.

custardbear · 18/04/2021 11:55

Get those wedges to stop it happening again and add a trellis and a climbing plant so you don't need to see them - they sound horrible but is not like to be on their bad side, especially as a neighbour as they can make your life difficult if they chose to

coogee · 18/04/2021 11:55

That's a bit spiteful. You want to keep any balls that come into your garden?

Wasn't there somebody on a similar thread a while back who deliberately punctured balls that came into her garden?

We used to get regular knocks on the door from neighbours' children until we told them that they didn't need to ask.

ClareBlue · 18/04/2021 11:58

There is a huge difference between a neighbour you generally get on with nipping into your garden to get a ball and a neighbour that has parties involving drugs and is chased for drug money that you don't get on with coming into your garden.

You are not BU to want to have your own space that they don't enter and you feel is safe. The concept of defensible space for wellbeing is well known and researched, especially if you have different lifestyles.

But, and it is a big one,

If you escalate this and it turns into a reason for a neighbour dispute then you will probably wish that was all they did.

As someone who has been involved professionally in neighbourhood disputes I can count on one hand ones resolved properly without someone eventually moving house.
They can literally ruin your life and make the one place you should feel safe, your home, a living nightmare.
Don't think the authorities can resolve these situations as they very rarely can: noise, parking, rubbish in you garden, late night calls, intimidation, slander on social media, blocking access. It can be never ending.
This really isn't something that is worth risking any of this for.
Secure the fence and forget it ever happened.
You are in the right but sometimes that's not the point.

Original poster
Fizzystrawberrybelt · 18/04/2021 11:59

No, no shrubs were trampled on, i have a flower bed on the opposite side of the garden so I think the flowers got away unscathed!

@Nothingyet no not at all! I’d never keep a kids ball from them at all and if I noticed one in the garden of course I’d throw it straight back over. What I would expect though is for them to let me know by knocking the door/messaging me if I hadn’t seen it and I’d throw it straight back over, not come into my garden themselves.

If their ball somehow managed to fly through one of my open windows would that give them the right to come into my house to get it back? That’s the way I’m seeing it. I know I’m probably making a mountain out of a molehill here but I just find it so cheeky that they’ve done it. I’ve never once been unreasonable at all or un-neighbourly so they know that they could let me know and I’d throw it over, as I have done many times.

When they were putting the fence up they let their dog run rampant in my garden (which scared the shit out of my cat and my DD who is terrified of dogs, so we had to stay inside that day) for the whole afternoon while they were putting it up, so I really don’t think they care!

Does anyone have any recommendations of some fast growing shrubs? I’ve been looking into leylandii but unsure if that’s a nuisance plant!
I genuinely don’t want to cause any trouble, I just want to be able to enjoy my garden in peace and not worry about being stared at/mocked by their kids or people letting themselves onto my property whenever a stray ball comes over.

OP posts:
Jumpers268 · 18/04/2021 12:04

I think it's really odd that people are fine with neighbours coming into their gardens.... But maybe that's me. Both neighbours on either side have children (as do I) and they would message if their ball was in my garden and I'd throw it back over. If it was too late to message they'd wait until morning. I can't imagine them just coming into my garden but I have 2 dogs who wouldn't be impressed if they tried 😂😂.

PegasusReturns · 18/04/2021 12:09

@Sparklingbrook

Intention=quickly get the ball back. Not unknown

How on earth would OP have known that when she first saw him “dart across the garden” prior to seeing him actually collect the ball?

Of course she knows now what his intention was but she ls telling the story retrospectively.

Bluntness100 · 18/04/2021 12:12

Really?! You think being unnerved that someone whose intention is unknown being unexpectedly in your back garden is on a par with being afraid to answer your front door

Um the intention was fully known, it was to get the ball, it’s right there in the op

Confused
Bluntness100 · 18/04/2021 12:14

If their ball somehow managed to fly through one of my open windows would that give them the right to come into my house to get it back? That’s the way I’m seeing it.

Ok that’s quite an unusual view, going into someone’s home is generally perceived very differently. Clearly you’re very upset, ans that’s ok, just wedge them down and get plants, you need to do you.

Sparklingbrook · 18/04/2021 12:16

[quote PegasusReturns]@Sparklingbrook

Intention=quickly get the ball back. Not unknown

How on earth would OP have known that when she first saw him “dart across the garden” prior to seeing him actually collect the ball?

Of course she knows now what his intention was but she ls telling the story retrospectively.[/quote]
I think it happened so quickly, no 'ooh I wonder what he's doing darting across the garden?' involved. Grin He had the ball and he was off.

cashoncollection · 18/04/2021 12:19

You are NBU at all. It’s not their property and you don’t have the kind of neighbourly relationship where someone might feel this is normal.

Sadly it sounds like they’re absolute dickheads and this wouldn’t be the hill I would die on with them. It will only escalate. Just plant some screening plants and ignore them for your own well-being. Yeah you shouldn’t have to put up with it and you should be able to have a word but with these types of people it will never get you far because they’re turds through and through.

cashoncollection · 18/04/2021 12:20

And if you fix the panel I’d expect they’d just climb over it or send a kid over next time. So personally I wouldn’t bother.

Singlenotsingle · 18/04/2021 12:21

If you and the ndn don't get on, no point making things worse by complaining. Do whatever you need to do to secure the fence so that they can't get into your garden again. Maybe put some trellis on top as well?

MyAnacondaMight · 18/04/2021 12:22

Those fence panel security brackets are just what you need. You can put them at the base of the fence, above the gravel board, so they’re less noticeable than at the top.

Solves the problem at the source, without needing to confront your feral neighbours.

billy1966 · 18/04/2021 12:24

OP,
Not surprised you were taken aback but they do sound very rough.

I have had balls over my walls and trees but not a single child would be so rude to attempt to trespass, not to mind and adult.
They knock on the door, like a normal person.

Have you contacted 101 about all the drug taking that is going on?
Sounds awful.
Definitely secure the fencing so it can't happen again.
A garden centre will advise you.
Stay away from leylandi, they become a nuisance.
Add trellis and you could cover it with a roll of faux ivy/hedge leaves, will give you instant privacy.
Flowers