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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Bought a dog - person wants it back..aibu?

459 replies

mrsdaz · 17/04/2021 15:19

I bought a dog 2 days ago from a lovely lady who was finding it hard to manage him due to working full time etc.

Agreed sale on Tuesday, collected him Thursday evening. All well. She has been in touch since by text to see how he is.

Yesterday got a text saying she's missing the dog and would have him back in a heartbeat.

Today I've had a text message from her daughter asking for the dog back. Plus subsequent phone call that I didn't answer.

Aibu to keep the dog? He's so happy and isn't pining for previous home etc. He will be with someone all the time rather than alone all day and has a companion dog here.

Who would give the dog back?

OP posts:
YouokHun · 18/04/2021 21:40

@LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood

My guess is she has found someone who will pay the full £500 for him.
Yep, my first thought too. Or the daughter’s intervened to say “you could get a much better price for him”. Block mother and daughter on all the channels you can and get the chip address changed ASAP. It sounds like the poor dog is so much better off with you.
Twoforthree · 18/04/2021 22:06

Definitely keep him. He's just tasted a good home, do you really want to send him back to where he was before?

diamondsarentagirlsbestfriend · 18/04/2021 22:16

@dottiedasie

I think you hit the nail on the head - she’s had a better offer....

NotTerfNorCis · 18/04/2021 22:42

I was sympathising with her at first because it's easy to make a decision at the spur of the moment and then regret it. But the dog is only 9 months old, it's not like she had him for years. She'll have to move on.

GiftedFish · 18/04/2021 22:51

1000% keep the dog. They stated it wasn't getting attention it needed. I had a dog but a relationship break up and I had to move in with Family temporarily.. sadly my dog used to be abit of a bully to my relatives dog, my dog was only 1. But I let him go to family friends who were looking for a 2nd dog (family friend of 30 years plus)... I transitioned him before I moved so he would spend days with them but still lived with me. But my god when I handed him over permanently I absolutely broke my heart for few days. Everything was shit.
I was with relative for a year but didn't feel it was fair on my dog to move him again. So I didn't even think of taking him back. He cost me alot of money and I didn't ask for a penny from them because I just wanted what was best for him. He's been with them 5 years now and thankfully I obviously still get to see him.

What about your kids feelings?
It's not fair to keep moving that dog around. Keep him. X

Harmonypuss · 19/04/2021 02:09

I'm sorry in advance but this is going to be a long one....
Many years ago I was in the position where my gorgeous German Shepherd was about to be at the mercy of the courts, simply because my nightmare neighbour had called environmental services reporting him for being a noisy barker.
At the time, I was working and refused to shut him indoors all day so I left my conservatory door open to give him free access to the back garden as well as the whole house.
We have a row of garages behind our houses and there are gaps in the row every 2 houses along to gain access to the rear of the properties. Apparently, the problem arose when someone walked down the entry leading to my neighbour's and my back gardens. My dog, not specifically a guard dog but still guarding my home, barked at this person, presumably telling them that he was there. The problem was that my neighbour is a nurse and worked night shifts, so was at home, possibly trying to sleep, when this happened.
Now, if she had spoken to me, we might have been able to arrange something that would prevent this happening again, but no, she went straight to the council.
This only came to light a couple of weeks later when I received a letter from the council saying that they had sent someone round to measure the volume of the 'nuisance dog' and that I had to 'reduce his volume'. I telephoned to ask where I might find the volume control on a dog because I couldn't find it. I also explained that my dog would only ever bark if someone comes down the entry, if they were simply standing by or walking past, the garage doors, he wouldn't make a sound.
So, evidently, someone had actually come down our entry, for what purpose? No-one knows, because there's no way to get into the gardens without having a key or first having had contact with either my neighbour or myself.
I also asked what would happen if I didn't reduce my dog's volume and was told that they would come out again and repeat their test and then take me to court, the expected outcome of which would be that environmental services would be given permission to seize and destroy my dog.
I couldn't let that happen and there was no way to comply with their demands.
I asked everyone I knew what they would do and came to the conclusion that it would be best to rehome him.
I found a website where you could buy and sell pets and wrote my ad for him. I explained all the details of why I needed to rehome him, the fact that I didn't want to do this but was being forced and also that I'd put it all in the ad because I didn't feel that I could keep my emotions out of any telephone calls enquiring about him. I also said in the ad that I was giving him up for free but that I would be doing a house check to be sure that he would be going to a suitable/respectable new home.
A lovely lady contacted me within 3hrs of me posting the ad. We talked for almost 2.5hrs and she explained that she had had a dog exactly like mine but female and she'd suddenly lost her to cancer 2wks previously. She explained that she also had other cats and dogs, lived with her parents who were retired and at home pretty much all day. She sent me pictures of the dog she'd lost and all the others, I spoke to her mum and realised that between talking to them and other little details that came to light, I felt that this could be the right family for him to go to.
We arranged for me to go visit their home, without my boy, to be sure that these were the right people for him. They were wonderful, their pets were friendly, they had a lovely home and the thing that almost broke my heart was the photo, in the perfect spot so it could be seen the second you entered the room, of their beloved girl lying at the top of the stairs, chin between her paws. That picture could easily have been my boy, they really did look identical.
We arranged for them to come and meet him to see whether he would like them and them him. I did say that if all was good, I would take him to their house because I knew that he would know there was something strange if he was bundle into a strange car and taken away from home without me. They came, everything was wonderful, my boy behaved as though he'd known them forever. We agreed that I would take him to them the following weekend.
I took a friend with me in case I was too upset to drive on the way home (they lived in Manchester and I'm in Birmingham). We walked into the house and my boy looked really comfortable. We went into the lounge and one by one the other pets were allowed in to introduce themselves. By the time we'd got everyone in the room, my boy was playing and chasing the staffie around the lounge and garden. We stayed a little while watching him and I knew that this would be his forever home.
When we left, i gave my boy a huge hug, he gave me a single kiss (big lick on the cheek), which I believe was his way of telling me that everything was going to be fine, he loved me and that it was OK for me to go, and he let me walk away. I was too emotional to drive so was glad I'd taken my friend).
My boy's new mum called me the next day to tell me how he was settling in.
I visited him twice over the first couple of months and it was clear that he knew who I was, he spent a fair amount of time giving me cuddles but he was also really well settled and happy. We stayed in touch with emails and pictures for about 6 months, then we stopped because as much as I wanted to know how he was, I felt too emotional every time an email landed and I decided it was time to cut the strings.
The whole situation about my neighbour, the council and having to rehome my boy was heartbreaking. Even now, 13yrs on, thinking about it reduces me to tears. I know that he's more than likely gone over Rainbow Bridge by now but for years I felt that I wanted him back, that I should have fought the neighbour and council, I would have had him back in a heartbeat. But I knew that I'd given him up and couldn't have him back, I told myself that he had been destined to go to his forever home and that for the 7yrs that I'd had him, I'd been preparing him to go there. He'd given me all those years of love and now he'd moved on to give his love to another family.
I know only too well that, regardless of the circumstances, once you've handed a pet over to someone else on the basis of 'rehoming' them (paid for or not), you really can't ask for them to return them. You should be absolutely certain of what you're doing BEFORE you advertise them and take on board the fact that once they're gone, they're gone, and there's no going back on it.

BlueDahlia69 · 19/04/2021 03:09

@Harmonypuss

you weren't kidding 😂

Motherofone163 · 19/04/2021 03:16

Keep the dog. The fact that she sold the dog says it all.

Harmonypuss · 19/04/2021 05:23

@BlueDahlia69

About the length of my post? Yes, I'm sorry but I did put s warning at the beginning 😳

BlueDahlia69 · 19/04/2021 05:54

[quote Harmonypuss]@BlueDahlia69

About the length of my post? Yes, I'm sorry but I did put s warning at the beginning 😳[/quote]

not at all ☺️

Jazz50 · 19/04/2021 06:37

Please dont give him back. Enjoy 😊

Ddot · 19/04/2021 06:49

Harmonypuss
Poor you but what a hero, bless you dear.

hamandcgeese · 19/04/2021 06:57

My parents had this and the old owners got very aggressive, they had to give the dog back.

Intothelabyrinth · 19/04/2021 06:57

The dog's welfare is all that matters here. Keep him. Block her.

Strangeways19 · 19/04/2021 08:47

Definitely not. If you feel bad though just send a text saying that you want to reassure her that dog is settled & happy with you & your family

Idontcareboutthestateofmyhair · 19/04/2021 08:49

Keep the dog. They are not being responsible or fair to the dog. She'll get over missing him. The dog comes first.

Strangeways19 · 19/04/2021 08:57

@Harmonypuss
What a sad but amazing story. I feel like however hard that was you definitely did the right thing by your dog, & what an amazing person you are to honour your decision, even though I can imagine that you did at times want to go back & change it - that's only natural. Lucky too that you gave him such a great life even if some of it was without you

Pugdogmom · 19/04/2021 09:15

I had this, but it was a few months after I had rehomed the dog, after I had trained him ( they couldn't be bothered), and spent a fortune on vets fees to sort his allergies. I laughed politely and said, nope sorry, this is home now.
They'll get over it.
I'd probably send a text whatever saying,

Thank you for selling your DDog to us.I understand that this has been a hard decision to make,and that you will miss him/her, but you completely did the right thing as you couldn't devote the attention that he needs. You did absolutely the right thing and Ddog is settling well within our family. We absolutely love him already and will always look after him. Yours...OP

And then block all communications.

Skyla2005 · 19/04/2021 09:18

Keep him with you. He will have a better life not being left all day. Change the chip details ASAP His better of with you so your only doing what's best for the dog

bemusedmoose · 19/04/2021 09:19

Hell no - she gave the dog up, now wants it back, how long til she gives it up again? Poor pooch.

From the point of view of the dog - he needs stability, not being passed around. If he isnt missing the owners and happy with his new dog buddy and all day humans then he is showing that he wasnt happy where he was.

No way would i give him back.

You didnt say how old the dog was (did she do the lockdown puppy thing and didnt think of how it would work when she got back to work or just bought without thinking, is he an older dog and her circumstances have changed...)

No way would i sell my doggos, absolutely zero chance of me even considering it - it would be like selling my kids! I wouldnt be giving him back - you could hand him over, not get your money back and see him for sale again in a few days. Do what is best for dog - keep him where he is happy. She is thinking of herself not the dog.

Sparklfairy · 19/04/2021 13:38

@Harmonypuss that made me tear up a bit Flowers

ProfessorInkling · 19/04/2021 13:56

@Harmonypuss Flowers

BlueDahlia69 · 19/04/2021 16:22

@mrsdaz

How's the new pup getting on OP 🌸

Anniegetyourgun · 19/04/2021 19:19

You didnt say how old the dog was

She did - 9 months.

motherofadog · 19/04/2021 20:38

I changed my name when I was caring for my 18 year old dog before he died last year. It was almost as much work as another baby and just as much of a commitment. Thanks to lockdown I could give him the time he needed and deserved.

If he's 9 months old he's a lockdown puppy, and she hasn't even had time to housetrain him. I'm sure she loves him and is missing him, but he'll have a better life with you. Don't give him back.

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