AIBU?
To message someone an ask if she slept with bf?
shuz1980 · 16/04/2021 17:41
I have my suspicions my bf of 13 years slept with someone else while we were separated. We were separated so he was a single man but found out he went to see said girl which he first denied but with evidence he couldn't deny so turned in into 'she's an old friend, we didn't do anything' it really plays on my mind. And even though' sleeping' with her 'wasnt wrong' the lying about it is. If someone messaged you asking if you slept with their bf would you tell the truth? They've apparently known each others years. Although i never met her in all our years together so obviously not that good a friend but she might feel loyal to him and lie. Would ibu to message anyway?
Isaidnope · 16/04/2021 17:48
It’s none of your business really. You weren’t together at the time so he was free to do as he wished, as were you. It would be nice for people to remain loyal during a temporary separation but not everyone seems to want to do this. He didn’t technically do anything wrong even if he did sleep with her and she doesn’t owe you an answer. I think messaging her would be a bit weird tbh.
TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN · 16/04/2021 17:49
It wouldn't bother me if you asked me, but I'm afraid my loyalty would be to my friend. If you were separated at the time, I wouldn't have seen why sleeping with him was a 'no go', so being asked about it would indicate an issue within your relationship that I can't really help with.
Though if he had intended on getting back with you and I knew that, I wouldn't have had sex with him & I'd have told him not to be such a bloody idiot if he loves you!
It to be honest you'll only feel bad about yourself if you do ask her!
ImInStealthMode · 16/04/2021 17:55
This happened to a friend of mine. She'd had an after party at her flat with a few friends of friends there, and got a message from a random girl shortly after asking if anything had happened between her and one of the guys.
She replied something along the lines of 'No he was just at my place, but if he's the kind of guy who's causing you to have doubts and be reduced to asking these questions of people you don't know then consider your self-respect and if he's a good guy to be with. Take care of yourself'
Better words than that but the same sentiment.
OutrageousFlavourLikeFreesias · 16/04/2021 17:58
If someone I didn't know messaged me to ask me if I'd had sex with a particular man, I would block them without replying, whether I had or I hadn't. I wouldn't want any contact at all with someone who would ask me such a personal and intrusive question, by text, without ever meeting me. Honestly, I'd find it creepy and weird and frightening.
Also: even if she replied and said "no, we didn't have sex" would you believe her?
Moondust001 · 16/04/2021 18:08
You were separated. None of your business. Honestly, if you had the cheek to ask the question, I'd say yes even if it wasn't true. You either trust him now, or you don't. What he did when you separated is nothing to do with you, any more than what you did is his business.
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