To message someone an ask if she slept with bf?

[shuz1980]

I have my suspicions my bf of 13 years slept with someone else while we were separated. We were separated so he was a single man but found out he went to see said girl which he first denied but with evidence he couldn't deny so turned in into 'she's an old friend, we didn't do anything' it really plays on my mind. And even though' sleeping' with her 'wasnt wrong' the lying about it is. If someone messaged you asking if you slept with their bf would you tell the truth? They've apparently known each others years. Although i never met her in all our years together so obviously not that good a friend but she might feel loyal to him and lie. Would ibu to message anyway?

i’d personally tell you the truth. im 20 if that gives any context for your situation though.

@Magnificentmug12

You were on a break!

Lmao

Read this OP.

Several times.

I’d assume you were a nightmare nutnut and not get involved. Even if I was someone who usually told the truth 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’d ignore, or tell you that it wasn’t your business and I wasn’t going to be drawn into your dramas, so not to reply.

You’re going to assume she’s lying is she says no anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️

Oh please don’t

If i you ok don’t believe him then move on

I would tell you I am not discussing my personal life with a stranger

Honestly if it was me I’d probably lie to you. If I said we did I know that there is a chance you could break up over it and I wouldn’t want to be involved with that.
As you’ve been together 13 years there’s a chance you have DCs too so I wouldn’t want to be responsible for splitting up a family.

If he’s lying to you that’s between you and him no one else.
I do get what you’re saying about him lying but I can’t see how you would prove it anyway so I would just forget it.

You'll probably get lied to. And even if she says no and isn't lying, you'll probably still wonder if she is.

I'd lie and say no. I don't like drama.

I would probably saying it's none of your business and I don't tell strangers who I have sex with!

I would message him if his gf messaged me asking if I slept with him when they weren’t even together
Don’t bring her into your drama. You don’t trust him. That’s the issue

My sister slept with an old friend whilst she thought he was single but he actually had a girlfriend. She only found out when the woman messaged her asking if she had slept with him. She said no, and covered for him, I told her she should have said the truth but she said she didn’t want the drama so yeh people do lie 🤷‍♀️

I wouldn’t reply to a text like that, I’d assume it was sent by someone absolutely deranged and I wouldn’t seek to have any involvement with them at all.

If you can’t trust what your boyfriend tells you, there’s a bigger problem than this girl.

Why would you care who he slept with when you were separated? You weren't together. You were both single. If he did sleep with someone else there was nothing wrong with that. He was single!

She certainly doesn't need to answer to you and asking her is an invasion of her privacy. If I were her I'd think you were a nutter.

Either break up with him & move on or forget about it but obsessing about what he got up to when you weren't together is really unhealthy.

If you'd slept with someone would you want to tell him all about it?

She will not respond. It will just unite her & bf as she will immediately contact him.

Leave it be.

If I were her, I'd ignore you. You're not entitled to know who I've had sex with.

Your comment about having "undeniable evidence" is a little crazy. If you broke up and get back together, it has to be a clean slate.

This happened to me many years ago. I messaged the woman, she was honest and told me that my ex tried really hard but she wasn't interested. I felt like a fool that she probably pitied me for messaging random women asking about my bf's shenanigans.

That hurt more than my ex's potential cheating.
You were on a break so even if they slept together, you'll feel like 'he's done nothing wrong'. Knowing it will only add to your anguish.

I had this many years ago.

I had an old friend that asked to meet up too which I said no thank you. He kept going on and on until I eventually blocked him. His girlfriend she was an ex at the time messaged me and called me a slut, ugly bitch, 'wait until I see her'. I didn't know her at all and just blocked her. All I said to her boyfriend was no and please stop asking me.

You will sound deranged. You don't need to know. If you can't trust him leave. What's the point? You weren't together.

Id not say anything but would secretly want to know. You will never get a true story and he will find out that you asked her.

If your boyfriend found out you messaged the girl he will be your ex boyfriend. If you have trust issues either work on it or find a different man.

Judging by the OPs silence I guess she has decided to ignore us and send the text message anyway.

@sammylady37

If someone i’d never met texted me asking about my sex life, they’d get very short shrift.

You have no right to quiz him and try do detective work to find out who he may have fucked when you and he were not together. He was a single man and free to have sex with other people. It’s very very controlling, possessive and jealous to be contemplating what you are contemplating.

This!! And I'd tell you so in my reply too. Just let him go if you don't trust him. Don't be that person.

If I got a message like this I’d block you instantly and message your boyfriend telling him to keep his batshit girlfriend well away from me.

Absolutely no good will come of this. There’s no possible good outcome. You either need to trust your boyfriend or accept that you don’t, and that maybe it’s too early to get back together - or that you just shouldn’t.

It's between you and you hopefully shortly ex boyfriend, not the woman concerned. Leave her alone.