To have a small or big wedding

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Hi

I’ve posted here to get some good advice! Me and dp would like to get married but we can’t decide if we should go small or go big.

Dp has been married once before but it’s my first. For anyone who had a big special wedding day (not necessarily stupidly expensive but a decent amount) would you do anything different? If you could go back would you save the money and have a small event instead? For people who had small registry office weddings, do you wish you’d spent more to have a fancy day? Part of me wants to wear the special dress and have the sit down meal with family and friends and sit in the room with all the decorations and flowers. But once the day is over, is it really worth it? I’m so torn, I’d happily have a small cheaper wedding but don’t know if I’ll regret not having my special day.

@Sleepisoverrated150 I think because we still had most of the things (not all of course) that a big wedding had tbh!
Overnight stay in exclusive use venue = £7000 and I have no idea how much the extra bar bill ended up being
Photographer = either £800 or £1000 I can’t remember
Dress = £1800
Entertainment = £2000
Flowers, make up, hair, suits, bridesmaids dresses, cake etc so it just adds up so much! But it couldn’t have been closer to perfection and just exactly the right wedding for us!

Hi OP

I was 21 when I got married, wedding and honeymoon cost around £20,000 in 2014.

I had my dream dress, dream venue, all the people I wanted and a honeymoon in Jamaica after, in an exclusive hotel.

I can honestly say, it was very stressful.

From the guest list, to family arguments (both parents divorced on both sides), the food... I threw my hands in the air about 6 months into planning and said "fuck it", literally. I was ready to cancel everything I was so stressed.

It turned out a beautiful day however I was very overwhelmed and by the time we went on honeymoon 3 days after getting married I was exhausted.

If we could go back, we've both said that we would have a smaller wedding, I'd still have my dream dress etc but we would have cut the guest list in half, told everyone that if they wanted to come great but if they wanted to argue and be selfish then don't, I would have had no bridesmaids (I had 6, I love them all and they were all amazing however trying to get an agreement on dress etc was a bit of a nightmare).

It's so important to remember who this day is about, I barely saw my husband after the vows and dinner x

I think if you want the big wedding, then go for it. Yes, its about the vows and the commitment but that doesnt mean you're a bad person for wanting to celebrate it with a party. My husband and I planned a medium-sized wedding but Covid hit and we managed to get married with 30 people last September. We didnt have a reception at the time but planned one for March 2021. This obviously didnt happen and we've given up on it, partly due to suppliers availability, but also because we're married now and feel like we'd be milking it. I'll always feel sad that we didn't get to have the party we planned though. Just bad timing.

@Yorkshireteaalwayswins sounds like a great excuse to have a party at your 10 year wedding anniversary

@sleepisoverrated150 Yes its been mentioned and I think it would be a great idea. Don't think I'll fit in my dress though

Haudyourwheesht I had exactly the same size wedding as you and snd like you it wasn’t too expensive. I had the wedding at a nice registry office because I am not religious, I didn’t have bridesmaids or a hen do because I didn’t want them. I did have a lovely dress, accessories and photos. I felt very special on the day.

I've been to big and small weddings over the years but the best wedding I have ever been to was at a camping site.

They had a company come and do two massive teepee's and provided all tables and chairs. A fish and chips van provided meals. You could pitch your own tent or pay for a luxury one to be pitched for you. Free help yourself bar.

It was so chilled and relaxed. Best day ever.

A small wedding means you can have just family and what I would term your real friends. Probably easier to draw up a wedding list for a small number in any case.

Unproven completely, but I sense those with small weddings end up more likely to be 'till death us do part'.

We have just gone through this for my daughter and she decided on a wedding with about 30 people (just close family). I think the whole day should cost about £7k max. That’s for the wedding in a hotel and sit down meal and drinks after in the same venue, but no evening reception. On balance, it felt like a lot of wasted money to have a big wedding that could go into a deposit for her first property.

Our local vicar would not marry us as DH was divorced so we had a registry office wedding for about 20 people . I really regret it . The room was horrible and it was a total none event. The meal after was at a local farmhouse restaurant and that was great then in the evening we had a big party with DJ and buffet which was fun. Find a nice venue which ever you choose .

We are having a very small affair, just us, our fosterling, my kids. his DD and his siblings, we are marrying at the local Town Hall then we are off to the pub for a meal. It is not the amount of money we are spending, it is the feelings behind the celebration and the people who are attending that will make it special.

I don't like the insinuation on MN that if you have a big wedding, you don't care about the vows and will be divorced in a year. MN heavily looks down on big weddings. I had 110 people at mine and it wasn't remotely stressful to plan, I don't see how the planning is any different, you have to book all the same things whether its 10 or 100 people? We didn't feel obliged to invite anyone we didn't want, cousins we don't speak to etc weren't invited, everyone there was someone we are very close to. No feeling in the world like standing up to do my speech and seeing a hundred wonderful faces beaming at me, I got quite emotional. And my dress was incredible and I won't apologise for what it cost, I looked bloody amazing and I'd have been so sad not to get the chance to look so spectacular. Big weddings are great, small ones are boring to me, sorry.

We got married in Venice. It was just the two of us. Very beautiful, very scenic, very trendy.
However, I felt empty afterwards because it was so businesslike and quick. Getting married, to me, is a wonderful thing and I felt I missed out on celebrating with a party and family and friends (mostly friends if I'm honest).
We're planning a vow renewal post covid and that's when I'll get the wedding I wanted but didn't realise at the time -nice dress, meaningful ceremony, flowers, cake, champagne and lots of friends to celebrate with.
It really does depend on your personality - I love a good wedding with all the bells and whistles and an excuse to get dressed up. I think that registry office and pub with a couple of people is miserable. But others, including three quarters of MN, prefer the latter.
You do you. And your fiancé of course like hell will I let my husband plan our renewal

My sister had a big do and one of the things they did was buy a load of cheap flip flops from Primark for the ladies in heels for the night do.

That went down soo well!

I had twenty people in Cyprus.
We stayed in the SENSATORI in Aphrodite Hills.

They took care of everything. It was not stressful at all. Literally had to turn up. The wedding planner was amazing.

We had the reception in an boat with a bbq for our wedding meal on the boat in the middle of the sea.

In hindsight I would not have had so long on the boat or the food on the boat as a lot of us felt a bit sea sick as it was a bit choppy.

It was expensive though. It was about £2500 each for the two weeks. And we paid for some family. I didn't mind this though as we had a lovely luxury two week break with all immediate family and some friends.

DW & I married at Gretna Green 8 years ago whilst on a B&B road trip through Scotland & north of England. We told no one before and it was only us.
Very simply private ceremony that was perfect, we were in casual dress with no guests or hassles. Whole thing cost about £800 including rings.

What particularly amused us was that whilst we were married in jeans we were told the couple who married an hour before us dressed in full morning suit and BIG dress, yet still opted for the same simple ceremony that we did.

@Pedalpushers be grateful your wedding wasn't stressful to plan. You must have an amazing family and in-laws.

The planning of the wedding was fine, it was the people who wanted to meddle 'you have to invite x', 'you have to have your that caused the stress!

Ours was in between - about 20 to the registry office for an intimate ceremony, 100 for dinner and dancing at a posh gastropub.

We broke the Mumsnet rules having evening guests and no kids but that's the norm in our group. We didn't ask for presents or money!

I had a £47.50 dress from ASOS, we did the flowers and I handmade the invitations. But we also had open bar, wedding cake flown in from Austria, DH had the suit made on saville row so spend the money where you want.

I didn't find it stressful because I do a lot of organising in my work and cos I knew what we wanted so didn't feel I had to do anything I didn't want. Our friends are happy with drinks, nice food and a dance - sweetie buffets and photo booths aren't for everyone. Just don't leave it all to the last minute.

Can you not find a middle ground? I’m getting married this summer and don’t want to spend crazy money but wanted to celebrate with family. We are having a church ceremony and a reception in a brewery with a barn, for £5300. 45 people and no separate evening guests. I’m really excited for it!

You can still have a lovely dress even if it's a small wedding.

Thanks for all the suggestions, given me good ideas to think about