To have a small or big wedding

[AppleSpritz]

Hi

I’ve posted here to get some good advice! Me and dp would like to get married but we can’t decide if we should go small or go big.

Dp has been married once before but it’s my first. For anyone who had a big special wedding day (not necessarily stupidly expensive but a decent amount) would you do anything different? If you could go back would you save the money and have a small event instead? For people who had small registry office weddings, do you wish you’d spent more to have a fancy day? Part of me wants to wear the special dress and have the sit down meal with family and friends and sit in the room with all the decorations and flowers. But once the day is over, is it really worth it? I’m so torn, I’d happily have a small cheaper wedding but don’t know if I’ll regret not having my special day.

@AppleSpritz

I understand it’s the vows and I know I’m marrying for the right reasons. But to be in a beautiful dress and in a beautiful venue and room full of your favourite flowers and pretty decorations is also very special for any woman

For me the key thing was not the decorations and flowers, it was being (in a beautiful dress)!with the family and friends who were the most important to me.

But doesn't have to be expensive. We really wanted all our friends and family with us to celebrate our wedding but we managed to to it reasonably and with everyone having a good time.

We had a wedding in a lovely local hall, had an amazing Mediterranean buffet meal and dancing to a ceilidh band. £125 people, in London and I don't think it came to more than £8k.

I found that it was really easy to get sucked into all sorts of expensive crap but if you focus on making it nice for you and enjoyable for your guests you can have a big wedding without it costing the earth.

We had a lovely smallish wedding - about 20 guests. Registry office in morning then a meal in restaurant afterwards (midday). Very relaxed and chilled out.
Then we went to the pub in the evening with those who wanted to come.
Spent more on the honeymoon.

@MuchTooTired

I’ve had both

First wedding was a very expensive do (SE house deposit territory) and I was a Princess for the day. Complete waste of money, I was young and stupid and obsessed with the wedding but didn’t think of the marriage afterwards. It took longer for me to get the divorce than I was married for.

Having divorced and met DH (the second) I just wanted to be married to him. We had a tiny registry office marriage and meal after, organised in about 2 weeks or so and it was absolutely perfect. 9 years on and still going strong.

I much preferred my small wedding to the big do, and it was really special to us.

Exactly the same as this!

I wouldn’t have changed a thing - I still wore a special dress albeit not a traditional wedding one, and had flowers both in my hair, to hold and on the restaurant tables. Plus a lovey cake.

But I never wanted a big bash and we didn’t have a huge number of people to invite anyway.

We got married last year in covid and we had a fancy but small wedding.
(20 days guests and 15 more yes i know the legal limit was 30 evening guests)

We married in Marylebone town hall in the big room (Westminster?) Then had photos done in there and in one of the squares.
The venue staff were crazy professional and so lovely.

Then we rented out a restaurant in Marylebone had a big 5 course meal, more pals joined around 6 and we did cake, speeches then more drinks, cocktail and canapes.

I was surprised how good it was tbh!

The wedding (meaning registrar, photographer, all food and alcohol -including nice wine and champagne for guests, a 3 tier cake, DH's v fancy suit 😍 my big poofy dress, bridesmaids dresses, flowers, hair and nails, wedding thank you gifts for bridal party, our 18ct rings) came in at under 12k and it was really quite deluxe.

I was super happy as we almost booked Hatfield house for 120 peeps which would have been about £50-60k. 😱

You can still have a lovely wedding without going OTT. Many registry offices nowadays are in the most beautiful buildings that lend themselves to wonderful photos. We had a registry office wedding with a small group of close family and friends, followed by a meal in a nice restaurant. Then in the evening we had a massive evening do, with fantastic buffet and drinks for our guests. I still had a lovely day and the dress etc. I don’t regret not having a bigger wedding. We bought a horse with the money we’d have spent on a bigger day and he’s still here 12 years later.

We had 15 at our wedding including ourselves. It was abroad in the beautiful sunshine in a beautiful setting.

We still had all usual bits of a wedding, I had a proper wedding dress, photographer, Cake, sit down meal and then a party with private venue room at the hotel with a DJ in the evening.

It was fab, all inclusive with drinks too. It was so relaxed and we got to spend our wedding day with the people that mean the most to us.

I honestly hate weddings, u hardly get to see anyone or spend lots of time with them. Ur just trying to make sure uv spoken to everyone. My sisters wedding I hardly spoke to her, it really made me realise it was not what I wanted. Spending all day talking to folk u hardly ever see etc.

Something to note as well, we had a humanist wedding, so it was very personalised to us, and we wrote some of our own vows and things. I'm quite outgoing and my husband is quite quiet, but I don't think there's any way I could have got through the vows and things in front of a big group, it was lovely that it was small.

We held it in a lovely boutique hotel on an island and it was so special, we've been back since to stay and it's got such great memories!

Different weddings suit different people. When I was finding it really stressful I was just crying all the time, and it really helped to just pull back and think about what we actually wanted rather than what we felt we were obligated to do.

We booked our wedding with three mo this notice and it was great - when you have a relatively short deadline, it really narrows your focus and you decide very quickly what is actually important to you! I got a beautiful dress, and a gorgeous bouquet, which was literally ordered one week before the wedding.

I think people get caught up thinking that it takes months and months to put a wedding together, but it really doesn't!

20 including us at our registry office wedding.

I wore a wedding dress and we had cake and flowers.

Had a lunchtime civil ceremony followed by a room hired in our local pub that serves a carvery so was perfect 😁

No top tables just all the tables together around the outer area of the room so we could see and chat to everyone in a relaxed way.

It was a fantastic day.

From the day we decided to do it to the day we got married was 7 weeks.

No stress and everyone had a fab day

Just celebrated 18 years x

We got married last year. Original date cancelled and planned for 50 day guests and 100 night guests

Wedding ended up being 25 people in church and then 25 people back at our house for a reception. Marquee in the garden, local patisserie made the cake and afternoon tea, fish and chips from the local chippy, ordered by me in the evening and picked up by my cousin. We managed to get a photographer to come and take photos for 2 hours- in church and just after. The photos are beautiful and majority are on my wall.

Booze was supplied with a home made bar. Everyone had a great time. We streamed our wedding via zoom for those who couldn't attend due to the restrictions

Yes we missed those who couldn't come, but we had a great day. Everyone chipped in, it was relaxed and fun and intimate. I wore my dress, and drank lots of wine. If anything didn't go to plan, I didn't notice.

Cost wise, we probably spent £10k less than we would have done initially. I don't regret it for a second. Looking back, I'm really glad our first wedding was cancelled. It would've been a long day for everyone and cost a lot of money.

The important thing is to be married. It's easy to get caught up in the detail of what a perfect day will look like but the reality is it's all smoke and mirrors. Your wedding day is about sharing your vows with the person you love and sharing that promise with your friends and family. The rest of it doesn't matter and trust me, no one will remember the small details!

I had a big traditional wedding, and it was worth every penny. It was the best day of my life, we enjoyed every moment. Said afterwards we couldn't repeat it better if we tried.

That said I'm sure we'd have also enjoyed a small wedding! Either type can be lovely. You're certainly not unreasonable for wanting a big wedding - it's meant to be a "one-off"! As long as it wouldn't put you at financial risk, if it's worth it to you two then it IS worth it.

My advice to you would be to have as many loved ones there as you can, and indulge them a bit if you can afford it. Obviously it's great having a gorgeous dress and flowers etc - go for it! - but the celebration is made by the guests, and the fun you all have together. If you can put on a good band, nice food or some free drinks I'd put your money there. Have fun planning!

I had two friends get married a year apart. Friend one had her reception at the local football club. Friend two had hers in a swanky hotel. Friend one's reception had food come out of our ears and cost a fraction of what friend two's did, and the food was a bit scanty at friend two's. So where receptions are concerned, choose somewhere people will have a good time, not somewhere that's all about show.

I've had both a big and small wedding! Small one was amazing and far more personal. We used the rest of the money towards a house deposit

I think mine was medium sized with about 60 guests at a hotel in a lovely place that meant something to us. DH has a large family (lots of siblings all married with kids) so the guest list couldn't be that small without cutting out immediate family. If I could have done I would have had less guests. The venue was lovely, and perfect. I perhaps would have spent less on the dress in hindsight but I don't think we could have saved on much else without doing more of the work ourselves, which wasn't what I wanted. You could still have a sit down meal, flowers etc with a small number of guests, it doesn't have to be either or.

@AppleSpritz

I understand it’s the vows and I know I’m marrying for the right reasons. But to be in a beautiful dress and in a beautiful venue and room full of your favourite flowers and pretty decorations is also very special for any woman

It’s wasn’t special for me, it was stressful and I wish I’d had a small wedding.

Maybe I’m not a woman.

I had a big expensive wedding. Bloody awful, stressful. Waste of money.

I also had a tiny wedding with strangers as witnesses. Cheap as chips. Also bloody awful.

So I’d say do something in between. Make it special, invite the people you love, but don’t go wild with the budget. And do get a photographer

If I could go back in time I'd have a really small intimate wedding and spend the rest on an amazing holiday. I did what I was supposed to do but it wasn't us. I just find the concept of weddings a bit gauche and never attended one that I truly enjoyed.

We only invited people we both knew and liked. Both from big families but only 5 weeks notice. Really reduced numbers -75 in all. All wine, champagne etc included. Restaurant lunch. All my family in one hotel. Cost about 7k€.

But to be in a beautiful dress and in a beautiful venue and room full of your favourite flowers and pretty decorations is also very special for any woman

Yeah see that just made me vomit in my mouth. If a wedding day is the most special day in a woman's life or is needed in some way to validate her, that's concerning.

We got married in our own in UK, no guests, but at a beautiful hotel on the banks of a lake (got married in the hotel garden). I had the dress, flowers and a photographer and we stayed for 5 days. It was perfect, no regrets.
Small can be beautiful-doesn’t have to be no frills.

@AppleSpritz

Like I said above, 14 people and we did the following

• Small wedding in a registry office
• Picked a really good restaurant
• Put on taxis from the registry office to restaurant
• Put on taxis to take people home.
• The meal was second to none because we chose somewhere amazing. When you’re feeding 14 people as opposed to 120 for example you can really spoil them and go all out.
• Dress was £80

All in the wedding cost about £1700 including all the paper work. We could have done it for less but we thought that the meal was worth every penny

I had a Covid small number wedding with 30 people. It was amazing and I love it! Small and fun and you could spend time with your guests. Also it saved so much money!

I've had both. Small intimate register office and a very full church.

The church one was the one that has lasted and definitely one of the best days of my life. We were lucky though because we have a wedding venue in the family so didn't feel bound to stick to the usual wedding format.

Agree with getting a proper photographer even if you go small. And get your nails done for when the ring goes on