Can parent paying CMS force me to pay back the money because he’s lost his job?

[Ostryga]

Just found out today DD’s dad has lost his job and is stopping maintenance payments (week before he is due to pay!)

Apparently he lost his job in December and now seems to think that CMS are going to get me to pay back the money he has sent for Dd. Surely that isn’t right? Dd doesn’t suddenly become free because he’s not working!

I can weather the loss, but it is a blow and does make things tighter. I certainly can’t afford to pay him back.

You don't go to prison for other debts though do you? It's not the same as tax evasion.

You can get sent to prison for not paying your council tax. That's why people are always told it has to be a priority debt. You may not get jailed for not paying your electric bill or your rent, but there are still direct consequences for not doing so.

At the moment, there is no consequence at all in place for people who don't pay child support.

I totally respect your point on prison and I do tend to agree that it's an awful option but there has to be a better option than what's already in place. Maybe community service or volunteer work would be a better option, I don't know.

But the current system clearly isn't working as so many parents (mainly men) seem to get away with paying fuck all.

Well yes I think we all agree the current system is shit, but there needs to be a consequence which doesn't make the child's life worse, as they are the person that matters in this scenario.

But not paying already makes a child’s life worse - because they are the ones losing out at the end of the day.

I had savings for when I lost my job. Because I’m a parent and I needed a cushion if things went tits up during covid. Which they did. DD’s father should be able to afford less the £200 a month if he’d planned and saved. He had a very decent wage, I know because I have the CMS calculations.

At the end of the day, he did what he was meant to - inform CMS. He obviously could have let me know, but didn’t as that it the nature of our relationship.

But now Dd is losing out because CMS are incompetent and can’t send a letter.

As for consequences of non-payment, it should be far, far harsher than it is as incentive (which sadly some NRPs do need) to not fuck their kids over.

@Ostryga

But not paying already makes a child’s life worse - because they are the ones losing out at the end of the day.

I had savings for when I lost my job. Because I’m a parent and I needed a cushion if things went tits up during covid. Which they did. DD’s father should be able to afford less the £200 a month if he’d planned and saved. He had a very decent wage, I know because I have the CMS calculations.

At the end of the day, he did what he was meant to - inform CMS. He obviously could have let me know, but didn’t as that it the nature of our relationship.

But now Dd is losing out because CMS are incompetent and can’t send a letter.

As for consequences of non-payment, it should be far, far harsher than it is as incentive (which sadly some NRPs do need) to not fuck their kids over.

Yes it does, but you'd happily make it worse again? Why is that? Is punishment of the ex more important than the well-being of the child?

Well done you. Not everyone has that luxury. Presumably if you were able to save before youll not be destitute without maintenance hopefully temporarily.

She's not missing out because they're incompetent. She's missing out because he lost his job. Whether they'd told you in December or told you now you'd lose the same amount of money, wouldn't you?

Do you honestly think he's purposely fucking your daughter over or he's just unfortunately lost his job?

You obviously hate him and I'm sure you have your reasons for that, but he's lost his job, he has no wage to pay you with I think you're being incredibly harsh.

@TrustTheGeneGenie

Wtf? I’m just explaining the situation, I don’t hate him You clearly have an agenda of some description that means you hate mothers trying their best for their kids and not allowing their fathers to get away with being utterly useless. So I’ll just leave you to it.

And if you actually used reading comprehension you’d see I very clearly stated that it was CMS who were the issue, not DD’s dad.

[quote Ostryga]@TrustTheGeneGenie

Wtf? I’m just explaining the situation, I don’t hate him You clearly have an agenda of some description that means you hate mothers trying their best for their kids and not allowing their fathers to get away with being utterly useless. So I’ll just leave you to it.[/quote]
I don't have an agenda at all, you're saying yes let's send them to prison, he should have saved, he's this he's that. But you're failing to recognise that he's lost his job. You're making out like he's done it specifically to fuck you over. Why?

I don't understand why you think I don't think mother's should do best for their kids? I am one and I do, but if my theoretical ex lost his job I wouldn't go off on one like you have as if it was a personal slight against me because it's not, it's just a shitty situation isn't it.

He's not being an utterly useless father is he, he's lost his job.

Were you an utterly useless mother when you lost yours? Yeah thought not. But you clearly think you were superior because you were able to save. You don't speak to him so all you have is his income. You have no idea about his outgoings etc so how you know he could save is beyond me.

@Ostryga

And if you actually used reading comprehension you’d see I very clearly stated that it was CMS who were the issue, not DD’s dad.

Yes they're shit but you're not getting less money because of them are you? No.

What are you on about 🤣 I didn’t say send him to prison! I’ve never made it out like he’s done it to fuck me over either, I just stated that I had put buffers into place should the worst happen. Like any normal parent that can afford to.

I haven’t gone off on one - I’ve just factually explained what’s happening. I’m pissed of at CMS not notifying me in December so I could plan.

He has Dd 4 days a month, that’s fine that’s what works. But that doesn’t make him father of the year who doesn’t deserve a single word said against him.

@Ostryga

What are you on about 🤣 I didn’t say send him to prison! I’ve never made it out like he’s done it to fuck me over either, I just stated that I had put buffers into place should the worst happen. Like any normal parent that can afford to.

I haven’t gone off on one - I’ve just factually explained what’s happening. I’m pissed of at CMS not notifying me in December so I could plan.

He has Dd 4 days a month, that’s fine that’s what works. But that doesn’t make him father of the year who doesn’t deserve a single word said against him.

And yet you don't know whether he can afford to.

No, you didn't say prison but you agreed there should be harsher consequences because they've already damaged the child so a bit more damage is fine clearly.

I'm not saying he's father of the year but you're saying he's shit because he lost his job. That's unfair. He's not a shit dad because he's currently unemployed. Maybe he is for other reasons I don't know, but it's unfair to say someone is a shit parent because they've lost their job.