Page 2 | Can parent paying CMS force me to pay back the money because he’s lost his job?

Ostryga · 2021-04-15T19:18:06+00:00

Just found out today DD’s dad has lost his job and is stopping maintenance payments (week before he is due to pay!) Apparently he lost his job in December and now seems to think that CMS are going to get me to pay back the money he has sent for Dd. Surely that isn’t right? Dd doesn’t suddenly become free because he’s not working! I can weather the loss, but it is a blow and does make things tighter. I certainly can’t afford to pay him back.

StrapOnSallyChasedMeDownTheAli · 15/04/2021 21:55

Perhaps he can get a refund if you can get a refund from your mortgage lender/ landlord for putting a roof over D heads, the supermarket shopping used to feed his kids with and all the other things you've used CM to provide for his children.

Lol, not a hope in hell. Cheeky fucker to even consider taking back money that was providing for DC.

cbatoday · 15/04/2021 21:55

Mmmoooooooooo

Original poster

Ostryga · 16/04/2021 18:06

Ok so an update -

DD’s dad told CMS in December about by he change in circumstance, and they didn’t action it until April. So yes, when he starts working again they are going to reduce my payments to pay off what he’s paid already from January - March.

What the fuck.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ostryga · 16/04/2021 18:07

I am opening a formal complaint with CMS. And well, her dad has always been a twat so not much I can do about that!

OP posts:

Hazelnutlatteplease · 16/04/2021 18:16

Yes I have been in the exact situation. They can adjust future payments to take into account future payments.It to do with it not being collected in arrears

I found out 2 weeks after the payment was set to come in and 1 week after CMS told me it was definitely due and should come in . I think from conversations with CMS, ex knew at least 6 weeks before that but left it till the last possible minute to notify CMS. He knows exactly how to play the system.

Original poster

Ostryga · 16/04/2021 18:21

Ex had notified them in December though (and they have records of this) but because CMS didn’t action it until April Dd is losing money that is rightfully hers because someone is shit at their job.

I am furious!

OP posts:

KoalaOok · 16/04/2021 19:16

That is so bad! And needlessly creates tension between the two parents.

VettiyaIruken · 16/04/2021 19:20

Bag up some shit and say sadly I cannot refund the money because it was already used to feed the child you were part of creating. However, I enclose the product of your financial contribution, use it wisely.

😁😁

Hazelnutlatteplease · 16/04/2021 19:33

That is so bad! And needlessly creates tension between the two parents.

Not really in our case as CMS is the only contact we have. However I can see it becoming more of a problem as deadbeats realise the inconvenience they can put their ex's to whilst being totally CMS compliant.

sunflowersandbuttercups · 16/04/2021 19:36

It absolutely can happen - not sure why PP are so confident it can't?!

They adjust payments to reflect the NRP's income - if they're found to have overpaid for whatever reason, then yes, future payments are adjusted accordingly.

TrustTheGeneGenie · 16/04/2021 19:39

@Ostryga

Ex had notified them in December though (and they have records of this) but because CMS didn’t action it until April Dd is losing money that is rightfully hers because someone is shit at their job.

I am furious!

It is shit, but she's not loosing anything. If that person was good at their job, you'd have lost it in December. You're not worse off it's just delayed.

I understand it's shit, but he's lost his job. Not great for him either I'd imagine.

lunar1 · 16/04/2021 19:44

Fucking hell that's rubbish. I'll never understand why supporting children is optional. No other bill is, you can get a grace period but still have to pay it all back at some point, why isn't it the same with maintenance!

TrustTheGeneGenie · 16/04/2021 19:58

@lunar1

Fucking hell that's rubbish. I'll never understand why supporting children is optional. No other bill is, you can get a grace period but still have to pay it all back at some point, why isn't it the same with maintenance!

What would happen if they were together and he lost his job? The same thing.

It's not the same as other bills because it's not one. You can't get blood out of a stone.

sunflowersandbuttercups · 16/04/2021 20:00

It is shit, but she's not loosing anything. If that person was good at their job, you'd have lost it in December. You're not worse off it's just delayed.

Of course she's worse off.

If OP lost her job and decided she couldn't afford to support her children anymore, she'd be reported for neglect!

TrustTheGeneGenie · 16/04/2021 20:00

@sunflowersandbuttercups

It is shit, but she's not loosing anything. If that person was good at their job, you'd have lost it in December. You're not worse off it's just delayed.

Of course she's worse off.

If OP lost her job and decided she couldn't afford to support her children anymore, she'd be reported for neglect!

No she wouldn't, she'd be given benefits

TrustTheGeneGenie · 16/04/2021 20:01

@sunflowersandbuttercups

It is shit, but she's not loosing anything. If that person was good at their job, you'd have lost it in December. You're not worse off it's just delayed.

Of course she's worse off.

If OP lost her job and decided she couldn't afford to support her children anymore, she'd be reported for neglect!

And I meant she is not worse off than if the person had done their job correctly, which factually is correct.

sunflowersandbuttercups · 16/04/2021 20:02

No she wouldn't, she'd be given benefits

Not necessarily, it depends on the circumstances.

He needs to support his children - the attitude towards child support in this country is awful. Men can just opt out of it completely and there don't appear to be any consequences.

I don't normally agree with American politics, but I do wish men faced real consequences for refusing to pay - poor credit history, having their license taken off them and ultimately, jail time for refusing to pay.

You don't see any women saying "oh, I've lost my job so the kids just won't get fed this month".

sunflowersandbuttercups · 16/04/2021 20:03

And I meant she is not worse off than if the person had done their job correctly, which factually is correct.

Fair enough.

The system is still shit, though!

TrustTheGeneGenie · 16/04/2021 20:03

@sunflowersandbuttercups

No she wouldn't, she'd be given benefits

Not necessarily, it depends on the circumstances.

He needs to support his children - the attitude towards child support in this country is awful. Men can just opt out of it completely and there don't appear to be any consequences.

I don't normally agree with American politics, but I do wish men faced real consequences for refusing to pay - poor credit history, having their license taken off them and ultimately, jail time for refusing to pay.

You don't see any women saying "oh, I've lost my job so the kids just won't get fed this month".

He's lost his job. What exactly would you have him do?

He's not 'refusing to pay' he's lost his job. There's a big difference.

What would happen if they lived together still?

sunflowersandbuttercups · 16/04/2021 20:07

He's lost his job. What exactly would you have him do?

But you can't just refuse to support your children. He needs to find another job, even if that's delivering pizzas every evening.

What would happen if they lived together still?

Well, I suspect he would take over things like childcare, housework and domestic chores and take some of that burden off the OP, who's currently having to do it all with absolutely no support.

Of course it's not his fault he's lost his job, but that doesn't make it any less shit for the OP. If she lost her job, she wouldn't get away with contributing nothing towards her children's upbringing.

TrustTheGeneGenie · 16/04/2021 20:10

@sunflowersandbuttercups

He's lost his job. What exactly would you have him do?

But you can't just refuse to support your children. He needs to find another job, even if that's delivering pizzas every evening.

What would happen if they lived together still?

Well, I suspect he would take over things like childcare, housework and domestic chores and take some of that burden off the OP, who's currently having to do it all with absolutely no support.

Of course it's not his fault he's lost his job, but that doesn't make it any less shit for the OP. If she lost her job, she wouldn't get away with contributing nothing towards her children's upbringing.

Ah yes, super easy to find a job at the moment.

Of course she would! If she didn't have it she couldn't give it could she. Again she'd likely be entitled to some benefits.

sunflowersandbuttercups · 16/04/2021 20:15

Ah yes, super easy to find a job at the moment.

There are plenty of jobs advertised around here - they might not be what he wants to do, but they definitely exist.

I mean, I'm not saying this is his fault but really, the whole system is shit. I know people who have to just accept receiving £7 per week in child support while their ex's work cash-in-hand.

We don't take child support seriously enough in this country. It should be a bill/debt like anything else. If he didn't pay his council tax, he'd find himself in court - the same should go for child support payments.

Hazelnutlatteplease · 16/04/2021 20:15

It is shit, but she's not loosing anything. If that person was good at their job, you'd have lost it in December. You're not worse off it's just delayed.

I hate this argument, Ive heard it from the CMS, its shortsighted.

I cant imagine many people could accommodate potentially hundreds of pounds drop in income with no absolutely notice. Let alone one that happened 1 month ago and therefore two weeks of money (you've probably already spent) is due by rights back to your ex.

This couldn't happen with CSA as money was collected in arrears. Generally you would get one payment after you found out so usually a months notice. But you should always still get one more payment at the expected rate. Commitments often have 1 months notice periods so with sensible planning it was manageable.

If you could manage for example a £300 drop in income with £150 debt with no notice, you can tell me you dont lose anything. The reality is you can really commit the maintenance money in any long term sustainable way to improve your childs quality of life. You have to be able to live as if you dont have it. Just because you are not worse off financially, doesn't mean you are not worse off.

TeacupDrama · 16/04/2021 20:17

Even if you are together if someone loses job you almost certainly have to adjust costs, at the mild end it might mean cancelled sport and music lessons or a considerable reduction in presents more boring food no snacks extra jumper inside walking more instead of bus, some families have to move to cheaper accommodation etc as rent unaffordable,
The problem here is that both the father and Cms messed up while OP will end up with same amount of money the lack of notice means she can't adapt budget overnight if she had known a budget adjustment was coming she may have been able to make different financial decisions

Hazelnutlatteplease · 16/04/2021 20:23

What would happen if they were together and he lost his job? The same thing.

Nope. Not the same thing at all

If you are made redundant, you get a notice period and redundancy pay. You know in 1 or 6 months time you will have a drop in income. You can cancel subscriptions make savings etc. You know it's coming.

You quite your job. That's a choice but hopefully as a couple you know it's going to/might happen and you can plan accordingly.

There is uproar and sad daily mail stories when Thomas cook lost their income with 1 weeks notice due to shocking and completely unpredictable circumstances.

But mothers (and its usually women) have to suck up losing income with no notice or even income they already had.