To feel sad my family don't care about academic acheivement

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At work today we were discussing university and the topic of graduation came up. I have always felt quite sad when I look back on my graduations as I feel like they weren't what I expected. Obviously I've moved on but I don't know if IABU, spoilt and self-centred to feel like this.

I have a bachelor's degree and master's so had two graduation ceremonies within the space of a year or so. For both I didn't receive any kind of 'congratulations' card from any family members. It didn't really bother me but I did feel a little sad about it as I always felt like graduation is a big life milestone. None of my sisters or extended family wanted to go to my graduation ceremonies so just my parents went, which I thought was the norm until I saw university friends surrounded by lots of family members. My parents were reluctant to go and made a point to tell me how much they didn't want to go and how much of a hassle it was to miss work. Rather than book the day off of work my parents just booked a few hours off so after the ceremony I had half an hour to take photographs and quickly say good bye to everyone and then had to head home so my parents could go into work. My parents then said we would go for a meal that evening but nobody wanted to go. This happened with both graduations.

This was obviously all pre-COVID, now with COVID I'm grateful to have even been able to have an in-person ceremony. I have moved on and it's not something I mull over all the time, it's just when it came up in conversation it got me thinking.

YANBU.

I was lucky enough to have the family that values the achievements and came to both my graduation ceremonies. My ex-DP placed no value on education and at both ceremonies felt like he had better things to do.

This (and the years since) made me realise that you either value it or you don't. If you do, then it is best to not get too het up by the people who don't. For a while there I ended up upset or even condescending-sounding to my DP or others as I just didn't get why they didn't get it.

At the end of the day, there are more important things than an education, but I remind myself that I have options in life, which ultimately is exactly what an education gives you.

The doors of the world are more likely to be open to you with an education. Celebrate that!

Yes OP, that is very poor.

Both of those were enormous achievements.

You should be very proud of yourself.

Allow yourself to be sad for a minute but remind yourself of how proud of of this achievement you should.

If you haven't gone to University, it's hard to understand the work involved.

To be honest, graduation ceremonies are excruciatingly dull. It's absolutely wonderful to see your own child up there collecting their scroll but you start to run out of claps when there 300 other people's children getting theirs at the same time. Especially when it's a bilingual ceremony so it's twice as long! I was bored at mg own! However, it absolutely is a wonderful milestone and your parents' reaction sounds really poor. Just think of how well you've done without their support and encouragement, that was all you and you should feel very proud if your achievements. You can't change the disappointing way your parents reacted but try not to let it take the shine off it for you.

I completely empathise. I have had several graduation ceremonies, the last being my PhD. On my first, my parents both came, but we didn't "celebrate" in any way, didn't go out for a meal like other families, etc. When I graduated with a Masters the following year, my father didn't want to take another day off work (despite being self employed) because we had already been there done that.
When I got my PhD, I didn't invite them along.
TBH, neither of them had any real education themselves beyond the most basic, and although they claimed they valued my education, they really didn't know that they were "supposed" to celebrate - that wasn't the world they came from. I have tried not to feel sad about it over the years (I did ask them at the time if we could go out for a meal like other families were doing, but they though it was a bit over the top). I just made sure that I made a big fuss when each of my own children graduated . You know how hard you worked, well done!

Well, graduation ceremonies are not a thing in some countries. It's a celebration for students, not so much their families.
So, 'didn't want to go to my graduation' and 'did not get me a card' is not the same as 'don't care'.

Either they don’t appreciate how much study and work and exhaustion is involved

Or

They haven’t got one themselves and don’t want reminded of that fact.

Either way it’s their loss.

You’ve done very well indeed and can be well proud of your achievement.

I’ve not got any qualifications like that because quite honestly I’m not clever enough. But that doesn’t prevent me appreciating the work involved for those who do it.

PS I have a step sister that hired herself and friends a stretch limo for a college qualification party. After a three month course. So some people go all out one way, others the exact opposite. Wonder if she awards herself a gold star when she farts.

I couldn't care less about the ceremonies, tbh. I mostly didn't go to my own, let alone invite other people. In a lot of universities there isn't room for more than 2 supports anyway.

But I would be very upset if my parents and wider family hadn't congratulated me on my achievements in some way. Meals out/cards/presents depending on the nature of the degree and the closeness of the relationship. I'm sorry you didn't have that, OP.

I sympathise. I was the first person in my family to go to university. I got a 2:1 (in 1990) from a really good university. Nobody had any idea if it was an achievement or not. They said "is that good then?"
I went on to get an MSc and an MBA. I'm in my 50s now and own my own business. Most of them seem to think getting the above didn't make any difference to my life. They are very wrong.
Only my daughter gets it. She's as bright as me thankfully.

Are you the middle child?

Yanbu
I didn’t get so much as a well done or graduation card. I wasn’t bothered about the ceremony itself as it was incredibly dull but non of my family members wanted to come when I asked them. I felt really sad afterwards though seeing everyone bundling into cars and going out to dinner etc whereas I had to just leave and go home. I had dd with a babysitter but non of my family even offered to kind her for half an hour so dp could take me for a drink.
It was really hurtful tbh- I remember our results day and my peers posting pictures of flowers, cards and being tagged by profits parents. I had nothing, or maybe a ‘well done’ comment on a pic but that was literally it, not even a phone call.
It’s so hurtful, I’m sorry.

YANBU, be proud for yourself though. Ddad and his wife had a humungeous falling out at my graduation and caused a right scene. It recently occurred to me that his partners always do this at my events, must hate not being the centre of attention!

That's a real shame. You worked hard and if your parents can't be bothered to stand their beaming with pride over you who will? I wouldn't expect extended family to attend, but some acknowledgement would definitely have been appreciated and appropriate. Is this normal within your family, not being particularly supportive? If so, then you have even more reason to be proud of your successes as you will have done them completely on your own.

Hmm, my parents value education above all else, often to the detriment of our relationship when I was growing up. They came to my degree graduation but didn't make much fuss - they didn't graduate themselves so they don't know what it's 'supposed' to be like, they didn't want any photos etc. They refused to come to my PhD graduation because the first one was so boring and they weren't wrong, it really was the most tedious ceremony. Some parents just aren't good at this sort of thing, it doesn't mean they don't value your achievements.

This is really sad. I’ve had two graduations (BA and MSc) and they were both fairly big occasions which were celebrated by my family. It is a real achievement and you DESERVE to feel proud and fussed over.

Well done OP!

Yanbu! That’s mean. Bloody well done.

Are your family not proud of your achievements, OP? I don't put much credence on graduation ceremonies myself, I only went to one but I know that some people like to attend them.

If your parents are generally proud of you and what you have achieved then I'd forgive them their clumsiness about your graduations. A ceremony is just that, education lasts forever and family's more important than either really.

Did your parents or other family members go to university?

If they didn’t it might be that they just don’t really “get it” that this is a bigger deal than other qualifications.

Why would you get cards or invite anyone? It's a personal achievement, for personal gain. It'd be like giving a card to a marathon runner. Weird.

My parents value education highly, they are both academics and DB and myself are also PhD educated. Getting a degree was seen as an expectation so no one made a fuss of my graduations, myself included. In fact, all I remember is that I couldn't wait to get out of the dull, neverending ceremony and go to the pub.

But yanbu to be disappointed, your feelings are your own.

It literally never occurred to me to invite anyone to any graduation of mine. I'd be embarrassed to do that. They're just qualifications.

I don't get the big deal. My parents and boyfriend came. Didn't even occur to me to invite sisters, never mind extended family. I'm pretty sure I only stayed for half an hour ish afterwards. Certainly didn't expect any cards. Getting a degree isn't really a big deal is it?

I didn’t really see the big deal at mines either lol. I found the full thing rather boring and should I decide to return for any sort of post grad will ask for my certificate posted out instead lol

I'm sorry you feel disappointed but to me it wasn't a big event at all, I didn't go to my own graduation ceremony, can't remember if I discussed it with my parents or not ... my DF had been to university, now I think about it I've never seen a 'graduation' photo of him.

But that doesn't mean you should feel the same way, but I always feel that, as adults, we should take the initiative and arrange the sort of celebration we want and invite people ourselves not expect them to assume they want attend ... and most students are only allowed two guests at the excruciatingly dull ceremony.

It feels like there are two camps of people - those that think it's a big deal and those that don't.

To be honest I was surprised at my first graduation at how much people celebrated. It seemed most of my friends had big groups of family members with them and they stayed there having drinks with their family and before all going for a meal together. Lots of them had bunches of flowers given to them from relatives. I ended up missing the reception hosted by my department as I had to leave early as my Dad had to get back to work and it turns out I had won an award for graduating top of my year, it feels a shame I missed that but it was posted to me instead.

I don't really like being the centre of attention which is why I'm surprised that I feel this way. I nearly wasn't going to go to my graduations but I ended up liking the tradition and sense of closure it gave.

I'm sorry that you feel this way and your parents' reluctance must have hurt.

If I'm honest, my daughter could only invite two people to her graduation and my son could invite three ( places permitting.)

My friend, of similar , were only allowed two or maybe three to attend. I've never hear of loads of family members and friends attending unless they waited in the wings, as it were.