Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

DP - ‘my life is SO boring!’

97 replies

Niceeyes · 14/04/2021 22:51

I’m beyond pissed off! DP and I weee having a lovely text chat today then he randomly texted ‘my life is sooo boring!’ Then he quickly deleted it. I challenged him on it but he kept changing the subject. When he got home from work I asked him what he meant, he said it was meant for me but he deleted it as he’d spent it wrong....buff if it actually had zero to do with what we were texting about.
I asked him again at bedtime and he just said he’s tired and rolled over. I’m fuming! We have an amazing life never argue, do date nights, great sex life. I think he meant to text someone else

OP posts:

GelfBride · 15/04/2021 07:46

@Jobsharenightmare

As it was out of context of the conversation and he deleted it it seems very unlikely it was meant for you. That leaves two possibilities. He was messaging a friend/family member or someone he doesn't want you to know about.

There would be less reason to delete it and get defensive if it was meant for a friend. Why wouldn't he be honest and say you're right, me and X were having a Covid moan/I'm jealous of X for Y...or I don't mean to hurt your feelings but yes I'm really bored atm etc.

I remember the first coatsprotectionleague thread and how defensive her DH got re the photo he sent to her in error in the middle of other photos and chatting via messages. Many people said that innocent mistakes don't usually make someone delete or disengage; innocent people can laugh this kind of error off. So many people replied to try and find any reason OP should ignore her gut and drop it. She was right unfortunately and he was involved with someone else.

That obviously might not be the case here but context is key. Trust your gut. If something feels off, it probably is.

I too remember the threads by 'Coats' and ....well this. You know him and this has set your spidey senses going. It would mine too being as he couldn't come straight out with a plausible reason.

You need to go quiet about it and start nosing around for further information. He's obviously using the same phone as the one he contacts you on to contact this person he doesn't want you to know about so that's a good place to start.

Lesemeraudes · 15/04/2021 07:50

Unless you are about to announce that you are in New Zealand and your life is normal, isn't he right? Isn't everybody's life a bit boring at the moment?

WilsonMilson · 15/04/2021 07:50

That message was for someone else, it’s so obvious. It was out of context in the conversation, he deleted it, and he said ‘my’ life - surely if you’re texting your partner you would just say ‘life is so boring’ as you share life together.
He’s either texting a friend having a moan about life - which is fair enough because life IS boring in covid world. Or he’s chatting to another woman.

HaveringWavering · 15/04/2021 07:51

@Lanique

I can't understand why he didn't just say "yeah sorry, it was meant for xxx, we were talking about how crap lockdown is, but I sent it to you instead. Of course I don't find YOU boring, and I'm very happy in our relationship and love you very much. I guess I'm just struggling with how monotonous things are at the moment." Or words to that effect. Easily done, easily forgivable, no big deal.

Why he's bluffing over some crap about spelling mistakes, however, is puzzling, and suggests he's feeling guilty over what he said for some reason. No you're left wondering why that might be . For that reason OP, I can see why you're feeling a little pissed off.

Agree 100%.

U2HasTheEdge · 15/04/2021 07:52

I would wonder why he deleted it in the way he did.

The most likely explanation is that he probably did mean to send it to someone else, but then panicked and deleted it because he knew how you would react and it would make you 'fume'.

I can't imagine being angry about my husband feeling this way. We have a great marriage etc, but I know I have times where I think life is boring, especially at the moment! That is no reflection on my marriage.

Laiste · 15/04/2021 07:53

Why are you ''fuming'' OP. It's a strange choice of word.

If this were me i'd be suspicious and maybe a bit sad that i was doubting my DH .. but not ''fuming''.

My opinion is that it was meant for someone else. I find it odd that he's being weird about it rather than just saying ''that was meant for Bert, sorry, i'm not bored by you you know that don't you kiss kiss'' or something. It's what me or DH would do.

Did the 'my life is so boring' text have any kisses at the end?

DinoDiana · 15/04/2021 07:54

It’s unreasonable and unfair of you to badger him about his comment. He shouldn’t need to justify his feelings.

Life is really bloody boring at the moment. I’m bored of sleeping in the same place, talking to the same people, following the mundane routine of caring for small DC, working in the same home office every single day. I still love my DH and DC. I’d just really like to not see them for a week 😂

bonfireheart · 15/04/2021 07:55

Different scenarios...

If was meant for someone else.

He won't admit who and why he was sending it.

Maybe cos he knows it will upset you.

Maybe cos you are controlling.

Maybe cos he is instigating an affair with someone who is boring.

Maybe cos he realised how it sounded.

Trixie78 · 15/04/2021 07:57

DH sending a text like that to a friend wouldn't worry me, everyone's life is a bit boring ATM. It's his reaction to this that would get my alarm bells ringing.

arethereanyleftatall · 15/04/2021 08:02

I find it perturbing that you (and others) are bothered by this.
Are you his entertainment?
As I say to my kids 'boring people are bored'

Lanique · 15/04/2021 08:04

There's nothing wrong with him being bored op, we all are.

There's nothing wrong with him accidentally sending a text to someone else and then deleting it. We've all done it.

However there is very much everything wrong with him not being straight with you.

I don't blame you for focussing on it op, however you do sound a little controlling of his happiness. Do you think it really might have been innocent but he's so scared of upsetting you he might have thought it easier to blag a lie than tell the truth? Anything not to upset you?

Porcupineintherough · 15/04/2021 08:05

You're "beyond pissed off" that he shared a an honest emotion with you? May forget having a boyfriend and try a pot plant instead.

redtshirt50 · 15/04/2021 08:11

You're making a mountain out of a molehill.

It sounds like he knew you would overreact about the comment and take it the wrong way so he deleted it hoping you hadn't seen it. Then felt caught out when you had so lied when you confronted him and is now fed up with you going on about it.

And your choice of words 'beyond pissed off' and 'fuming' over such a small thing does suggest you tend to take things to heart.

He's allowed to be bored despite how amazing you think his life is.

Cowbells · 15/04/2021 08:18

Him deleting it quickly doesn't necessarily mean he's having an affair. It may mean that he knows OP will fume and be pissed off that he has deviated from the 'perfect bliss' mask that she expects him to wear.

Lordamighty · 15/04/2021 08:26

Yes that message was definitely meant for someone else.
I don’t know why you are getting a hard time, it’s not great hearing your DH moaning about his boring life to someone.

KatherineJaneway · 15/04/2021 08:28

We have an amazing life never argue, do date nights, great sex life.

That might be enough for you but maybe not for him.

m0therofdragons · 15/04/2021 08:30

The comment itself wouldn’t bother me as life is boring right now but I’d be upset Dh didn’t just say “yes I was texting Jonathan at the same time as you and replied to the wrong thread.” It’s only an issue because he’s behaving suspicious.

DispensingShitAdviceSince2002 · 15/04/2021 08:31

He probably thought you were going to overreact, OP. In fact, he was on a losing wicket, as you've overreacted anyway. Either way, he was stuffed.

IdblowJonSnow · 15/04/2021 08:45

The refusal to discuss and deletion is concerning.
In this situation I'd drop it as he's not going to tell you but I'd be tempted to snoop through his phone. Not very moral though!

howmanyhats · 15/04/2021 08:48

OP, next time post in relationships. AIBU is full of hard of thinking people who are quite happy to put a spin on what you said so they can find a way to have a go at you. And once one starts, they all join in.

It's perfectly clear to anyone with an ounce of common sense that the issue isn't him saying life Is boring, it's the weird way he's acting about it, which is bound to make you feel shit and unsure of what's going on.

I hope you get to the bottom of this and that there's an innocent explanation. I would also want to know who he was texting in your shoes, given his odd behaviour about it.

Tal45 · 15/04/2021 09:00

His shady behaviour and the fact he seems to be lying are obviously the issue here, not that he said his life was boring. I mean if his friend was just telling him that he had these amazing plans the minute things started opening up and he replied how boring his life was (in comparison) then why not just say that.

The fact he has tried to say it was meant for you, that he deleted it because it was supposedly spelt wrong and now doesn't want to talk about it suggests to me he could have been texting another woman. Unless of course you are the spelling and grammar police and can't cope with any one saying that life with you is anything but blissfully perfect.

Original poster

Niceeyes · 15/04/2021 09:06

Thanks everyone. Had a big chat with him lastnight after I poked him awake to ask him about it again
As many of you said, he is in deed just bored of life right now, he doesnt travel for work anymore, or have client lunches, he now goes to work in his tracksuits (no clients so no effort being made). I popped into his office yesterday very dressed up as I had an appointment in town and he said that made him feel even worse as he’s let himself go.
He also said that lockdown has slightly made us feel like we are distant from each other- I’d no idea!! He means the world to me and it’s heartbreaking that he thinks that.

So I need to fix his ‘boredom’ no idea where to start, any ideas? Take him away for a night? Book a restaurant? Send him flowers at work?

OP posts:

Plumtree391 · 15/04/2021 09:07

Why are you texting each other so much if you live together?

Life is boring sometimes.

Work can be boring, maybe he was talking about that part of his life.

Cowbells · 15/04/2021 09:10

I'd make a bucket list of stuff you want to do before you die - anything small or large and just start doing as many things form it as possible. Obviously all the travel ones might not be possible now but some will be. I love bucket lists. They give you really enjoyable goals to work towards.

Whatamesssss · 15/04/2021 09:43

It's not up to you to fix his boredom, he needs to that for himself.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread