To ask whether you think this is a fair division of household chores / labour?

[Blinketyblink]

Have name changed for this one as expecting at least a low level of flaming.

Trying to divvy up the household chores and tasks between DH and I in a way that is fair. We are seeking an equal as possible split of household chores and tasks.

DH and I both work very long hours and have decided to get someone in to do the cleaning, rather than spend on other luxuries (aside from one weekly takeaway which is discounted through work). I realise that we are fortunate to be able to do this.

So what I'd like to ask you all is whether 1) you think this is a fair way to split things? and 2) what household chores / tasks might I have missed off the list?

Also no kids yet which is why childcare etc doesn't appear!

Thanks :)

• Laundry and changing beds - cleaner
• Cleaning - cleaner
• Ironing - cleaner
• Window cleaning - professional window cleaner - outside. Cleaner does inside.
• Food shopping - organised via shared iPhone note. Shop done online with task below.
• Admin and bill paying - DH and I will do admin and food shop together at the same time. But try to have admin streamlined as much as possible. One hour per week. Incl financial planning, buying presents for people etc. Calendar organising.
• Cooking

Breakfast: Me during week. DH at weekends, then rotate the next week to DH during week and me at weekends. Lunch: Person cooking dinner batch cooks 3 days of lunches. Dinner: 3 days per week - me, 3 days per week - DH, 7th day - takeaway.

• Dishwasher loading and emptying - breakfast maker empties dishwasher. Person not cooking dinner loads dishwasher.
• Putting bins out - DH
• Gardening - do together
• Make bed - last person out
• General tidying - done for half an hour each evening by the person not cooking dinner, whilst they cook.
• Plants - Me
• DIY - do together

I realise that it might seem a tad neurotic to want to split things so precisely - no judgement please! :)

I really couldn't be arsed with any of that shit

I think you're planning to fail, it's too rigid.

Sounds good to me. Many a happy relationship has fallen apart over a muddy division of labour. To fail to plan is to plan to fail, as they say.

It seems fair enough but very rigid. Really how much tidying is there of you're both working such long hours. Do you really need a full breakfast prepared everyday rather than a slice of toast? Are you working both at home to need cooked lunches everyday? The meal thing I find weird as dp and I sort ourselves out for lunch and breakfast in the week, whoever has DD at the time would sort her meal out. Then we eat dinner together.

Oh my word. I couldn’t live like this. So regimented.

We have a clear split of who does what. It works for us.

Things that struck me: will your cleaner do all laundry including putting away? Do you really need a cooked breakfast daily?

Honestly op, this is lunacy. You are making a list including things like cooking breakfast?? Who on earth cooks breakfast? Surely most people just sling a couple of weetabix in a bowl??

You are being way too rigid here.

I think an equal split is whatever takes equal time. Set aside a time eg half an hour in the evening and an hour each weekend day and do the chores at the same time and if anyone finishes early they help the other one.

Seems a fair split, but would be a nightmare to live with! Supposing one of you is ill? Or has a work project requiring early/late finishes and it’s their turn for the regimented chores? And why is DH solely responsible for the bins every week? And you the plants?

Looks fair and reasonable to me.

Crikey! Reading all that was a chore in itself!

Fair points on the breakfast! Its just a preference really, but also DH has a health condition meaning he needs to eat a fuller meal in the AM.

Yes it is quite rigid - that's how we are like it - we're a bit weird I do realise!

@MuchTooTired - no real reason for me doing the plants and he the bins - just that this is an equal amount of time. And if one of us was unwell then the other would pick up the slack for that week (or however long it is).

What chores have I missed please?

Batch cooking fail, you’ll be sick to death of whatever that is (one supper plus 3 identical lunches) and it may only cover 2 vs 4 meals based on portion size.
Who’s doing the heavier semi annual stuff, light fixtures and baseboards or even fridge clean out.
What about car maintenance (tire change, oil change, or bike brake pad check). Are you outsourceing gutter cleaning and dishwasher malfunctions?
Banking easy to automate and simply discuss weekly.
Will any of this task list come from the heart? Sounds like a sure way to kill a relationship.

@DrinkFeckArseBrick

I think an equal split is whatever takes equal time. Set aside a time eg half an hour in the evening and an hour each weekend day and do the chores at the same time and if anyone finishes early they help the other one.

Glad that works for you but it's not for everyone. I prefer to choose when I do chores and we aren't always free at the same time. Sounds like OP and her husband are in the same position as their work schedules vary

What happens when the dishwasher inevitably gets out of sync and has to be put on in the day instead of overnight? What happens if one of you is ill/slept badly/whatever – is there scope for swapping? Can’t the person not cooking dinner just have a sit down?

@Blinketyblink

What chores have I missed please?

Life !!!

That looks to be a very equal, rigid and lacking in any spontaneity or life getting in the way or ‘just not feeling it today’, split of chores.

I’d find the food side of it a total drag. Some days I don’t fancy breakfast at all and there’s no way I’d be cooking one for DH, and I would absolutely hate to eat the same batch cooked food that I’d had for tea and lunch once already that week.

Don’t forget to schedule in some fun.

How often is your cleaner coming? Just wondering how it’d work for her to do all the laundry unless she’s coming multiple days a week

You have no dusting/hoovering so assume that is cleaner although that is a lot for her to do - how often are you getting them in.

Laundry - again how often with the cleaner.

You have dishwasher but what about general kitchen tidy up (surfaces etc) that cant wait for the cleaner to come!

Ironing - separate person to the cleaner? I dont know any cleaner who could do the amount you want!

It will ultimately culminate in one or both of you saying, "well, you said", a lot.

Organising it like you are each other's employer/parent can work for some people but for most it's a resentment builder and relationship killer.

On another note, do cleaners do washing and ironing? Genuine question, never had one. I thought that would be more of a full time house keeper thing. How any hours you planning on paying this cleaner for because it takes many hours per load for washing, drying and ironing, not to mention possible hand wash only items.

For goodness sake, the main jobs are being outsourced, do you really need such a plan for these little bitty things. It’s like you are pretending to be grown ups.

I am assuming you already have a cleaner lined up, if not good luck finding one that will agree to everything you want!

It is rigid but if you stick to it it will become second nature and there will be no need to argue over who does what and no resentment. I think it sounds fair too.

We are in London and have found quite a few cleaners who also do (or would be willing to do) washing and ironing. I didn't think this was that unusual?

Small point but our cleaner is a man, not the 'she/her' some are assuming :)

And he will come for around 4 hours per week. House isn't particularly big, so should be more than doable, but if it isn't we can up it by an hour or so.