To ask whether you think this is a fair division of household chores / labour?

[Blinketyblink]

Have name changed for this one as expecting at least a low level of flaming.

Trying to divvy up the household chores and tasks between DH and I in a way that is fair. We are seeking an equal as possible split of household chores and tasks.

DH and I both work very long hours and have decided to get someone in to do the cleaning, rather than spend on other luxuries (aside from one weekly takeaway which is discounted through work). I realise that we are fortunate to be able to do this.

So what I'd like to ask you all is whether 1) you think this is a fair way to split things? and 2) what household chores / tasks might I have missed off the list?

Also no kids yet which is why childcare etc doesn't appear!

Thanks :)

• Laundry and changing beds - cleaner
• Cleaning - cleaner
• Ironing - cleaner
• Window cleaning - professional window cleaner - outside. Cleaner does inside.
• Food shopping - organised via shared iPhone note. Shop done online with task below.
• Admin and bill paying - DH and I will do admin and food shop together at the same time. But try to have admin streamlined as much as possible. One hour per week. Incl financial planning, buying presents for people etc. Calendar organising.
• Cooking

Breakfast: Me during week. DH at weekends, then rotate the next week to DH during week and me at weekends. Lunch: Person cooking dinner batch cooks 3 days of lunches. Dinner: 3 days per week - me, 3 days per week - DH, 7th day - takeaway.

• Dishwasher loading and emptying - breakfast maker empties dishwasher. Person not cooking dinner loads dishwasher.
• Putting bins out - DH
• Gardening - do together
• Make bed - last person out
• General tidying - done for half an hour each evening by the person not cooking dinner, whilst they cook.
• Plants - Me
• DIY - do together

I realise that it might seem a tad neurotic to want to split things so precisely - no judgement please! :)

Holy fuck.

I just couldn't live like that. If it works for you then great, but all I can see is disappointment and uncooked breakfasts in the future.

@sst1234

OP, good on you for taking an organized approach to this. Half the people criticizing you turn up on threads moaning they do too much.

Agree. The only couples I know who split chores equally have had an explicit conversation about who does what. The couples who wing it, basically the woman does all of it and the man "helps".

I also personally just find it's nice not to have to think about it, we both know what chores are ours and just get on with it. Obviously if one of us is ill, we switch it up, I find it ridiculous that people are questioning the OP on that.

Don’t think there’s anything wrong with having a plan and deciding who does what. We also have a cleaner who changes beds and does ironing once a week as well as cleaning the house.

Dh does do much more of the day to day stuff than me, I cook most of the food but we’ve been getting gousto boxes lately and he does it with me. It’s actually fun cooking together. He usually cleans up after dinner, he does all the washing, he does the gardening. I’m very lucky

I couldn't live like that ... do you have review meetings and annual appraisals? What happens if you want to wear something that isn't ironed? What happens if you want to go out at the last minute but it's your turn to cook dinner?

Is your sex life so regimented ...'three times a week, must last 45 minutes, must include X position, must change sheets afterwards' .

We don't have a rigid schedule, if anything my DH does far more than me despite working FT and I work PT .... maybe we're lucky though, married over 32 years and although we have minor irritations over the way each of us does things stacking the dishwasher we've never argued over who takes the bins out or does more weeding etc.

It sounds like a job spec not a marriage.

Do you both work outside the home? I can't see how you have so much to do if you are out all day (long hours) with no DC or pets at home ... how on earth does 'tidying' take half an hour each evening?

My DH WFH, I work part time outside the home, barely do more than half an hour tidying each week. What on earth are you doing?

It doesn't sound fun op.

In our house we split the load. I do laundry, he does all dishwasher and kitchen cleaning.

I do school drop offs he does nanny handover. I meal plan, he does more cooking.

He does more daily jobs like sweeping I do more admin.

We never have to discuss this now and it is flexible and easy. It strikes me yours is too rigid.

Also if so have so little wading your cleaner can manage it are you sure they need to? Is it one wash a week? Or do they come more than once?

Surely with the long hours and no DC or pets, if you get into the habit of putting things away, tidying will be minimal?

I don't understand why everyone's fixated on the three cooked meals a day thing. It's likely the breakfast will be something quick like an omelette, not a full roast dinner, and cooked food involving eggs plus meat/fish/veg/salad/pulses is often far healthier and often cheaper than common uncooked food like sandwiches, cereal, toast etc.

But I agree with deciding who does what and then just getting on with it. If it works and you both just follow the plan, you've halved your mental load because you never have to think about putting the bins out, because DH just does it.

Given the cleaner is doing most of the heavy lifting would it not be easier just to sort yourselves out and alternate who is sorting dinner? If I was DC free and working long hours (as I was many years ago) then I would not be spending (or being told to spend) half an hour tidying before bed.

In answer to the question though, I don't think it's a case of what you might have missed that will be a dealbreaker but what could we afford to lose from the list. If and when you have DC then there will be more to do and arguably less time to do it in so prioritising would be essential.

Don’t forget to schedule in some sex!

I keep coming back to this thread, it's strangely fascinating how some people live their lives . I would be wary of having DC if you are so rigid in your plans, I liked the expression in an earlier post about 'supporting your life partner and wanting to do things for each other' but if you find you are the main person instigating housework, cooking, life admin etc do you really want to be in a partnership like that? I do see, on Mumsnet, that there are clearly lots of lazy DPs/DHs around .... but if you are in that sort of situation where you have to make strict lists then maybe it's the wrong relationship?

Have you got to this stage of lists because you feel your DP is lazy/unsupportive or are you just trying to be business like before getting to that stage - are you discussing the routine together or is it your initiative?

We don't keep a tit for tat tally. If something needs doing, who ever sees it does it really. Or we knock it all out between us in one go. He does the garden and dogs and I cook though, because I prefer my cooking. Sometimes he will cook.

I couldn't be arsed to trying to "split chores equally".
Who sees it, cleans it. Sometimes he does stairs and I do something else, sometimes I do stairs and he does something else.

We split chores by level of hate towards them, not "equal". 😁

Will your cleaner really be able to do all your laundry when they only come once a week? I did laundry almost daily even when I didn’t have DC

My points would be:
Tidying and dishwasher loading seems more demanding than solely cooking. To me cooking and dishwasher loading seems sensible. And it reduces the risk of the other person being untidy and using every pan as doesn't have to clean up the mess!

4 hours is not long to change beds, put laundry on and dry, so does that mean in the four hours the clothes get tumbled dried and the previous week's clothes then ironed? Even a quick week, for me takes 30 minutes. Depending on the cycle length you may only manage 1.5 loads in that 4 hours...