AIBU- deliveroo and DH

[Suburbandreams]

Hi all,

So I think I already know the answer but the way I’ve been feeling lately has me questioning everything!

Today my DH came home from work and scrolled through his emails in the kitchen. I went in to make a cup of tea to find him with a scowl looking very serious. He then asked me why deliveroo had emailed him...I responded with “oh yes, I signed up for a free trial of deliveroo plus when we got a takeaway on Friday, must be that!” And continued making my tea. He then reiterated his question- WHY ARE THEY EMAILING MEEEEE though. I laughed and said because I had already used my email I just signed up using our joint one! Well his response was to take a deep breath and tell me he was trying to “stay calm” while working out what would possess me to use HIS email for such a thing.

1. This is not a personal email- it’s the one we use for bloody eBay
2. I had no idea he would be so precious- he certainly has never paid for a deliveroo subscription
3. It was a free trial which I cancelled before MY card was charged
4. The deliveroo account was in my name
5. We share everything- I’ve often sent emails using this account without problem.

This escalated into the most mind-numbing argument. He expected me to apologise and promise “never to do it again”. I asserted that I was indeed sorry- I never expected this reaction which is frankly absurd considering we have children, a mortgage, joint banks etc. He did not appreciate my response and is now sulking, balking at my audacity. But this need for “MINE”, MY EMAIL and a general lack of trust has alarmed me.

It seems this goes deeper than me just finding an email to get a free trial during a financially tricky period where a takeaway is a real treat. It seems like he’s worried “this is where it starts”- what starts?! I’m hardly likely to jump from a bloody free trial to wracking up debts in his name, am I?

So AIBU to have not seen the big deal? Or have I crossed an invisible line of trust and deserve to grovel?

YANBU! He seems to be massively overreacting!

Yanbu. It seems very weird he’d react in this way.

YANBU, it's a very strange way to react!

I could understand if it was a works email of his you had used and he didn't want the spam mixed in with important emails but seeing as it's a joint/personal one it's very strange he'd react that way!

He’s used that email for something else and doesn’t want you constantly in it.

He’s bloody deranged! Surely everyone couple has two Deliveroo accounts so you can get the referral credit? I have Deliveroo on my personal and work phones for the same reason. Why the hell wouldn’t you when you can get £20 of free food out of it?

It’s not like you stole his password and read through private emails. What’s his problem? He needs a grip and a hobby, in that order.

Who on earth had a joint email account? Me and OH do have 2 deliveroo accounts, one each, but I certainly wouldn't sign up for anything with his email account without asking first.

Cancel the takeaway. Rebook on your card for just you and dc. On Friday say you want some of this?? Incredulously. I booked it on my card - I cancelled the account on YOUR email. Speaking of , we should divvy up all the shared accounts. eBay, Amazon, bank accounts. When would be a good time to discuss?
To be honest I’d be wanting to look at his email too, to see what could be in it thats prompting this extreme reaction.

Seems very suspicious and a massive over reaction.

Sounds like someone trying badly to hide something to me

Wow, major overreaction. I too would wonder if he is hiding something. What in the world was he afraid would happen next?! And as you're married, if you did rack up debt, wouldn't he be responsible for it, too, no matter what email address you used?

another one wondering what he is hiding ...

I would be looking at that email account in more detail. Sounds very suspicious

@LouiseTrees

He’s used that email for something else and doesn’t want you constantly in it.

This.

@LouiseTrees

He’s used that email for something else and doesn’t want you constantly in it.

This again

He's not playing the game with you tell him to start acting like my husband and friend and ally in life so you let him know the score

OP I beg to differ
A) if necessary ask
B) If not necessary get your own account
My DD uses some of my accounts
I'm sick of getting the emails
She's under 30 let's say
Oh and PayPal
I get every single penny back but boy the emails piss me off
I have asked her many times to get her own accounts
OP I realise what you mean about the special offers but they're usually a rip off anyway
😠

How can you keep a straight face with these wankers?
It's perplexing to me that women of intelligence can not just instantly burst out laughing.
He was telling you he has to 'stay calm'.... or what? Or he'd be flapping around like a demented buzzard that Deliveroo had sent him an email...that he can unsubscribe from...delete...

Then he forces you to bow down at the claw of demento here and apologise for your utter disregard for the sanctity of the joint email account and promise to never commit such crimes again.

And you keep a straight face?

What an utter dick.

But yes, he's either using it for weird thibgs and doesn't want you in there or something else is up with him and he's having a bad day.
Tosser.

It sounds a very extreme over reaction. I don't quite understand what he thinks might start? But I'd probably ask next time you use his email.

Bit weird. It could be

1. He’s using it for something else and doesn’t want you in the emails
2. He’s tying it to his sense of self/independence in an odd way.
3. DH was a bit weird when we merged Amazon accounts to stop paying for Prime twice but it was about being able to buy gifts/cards etc for me and not have surprise spoiled.
4. He’s trying to assert control over his life at an odd time when no one has as much freedom as they usually do
5. He’s against a gif economy business model, but he’d probably have said that not “the his is how it starts”

Jesus. He wouldn't be sharing anything else either, including my bed.

I would not let it go until he explained exactly what he meant by 'this is where it starts' & why me using our JOINT email is something he feels I need to apologise for. JOINT EMAIL NOT HIS.

As for 'trying to stay calm'. I'd have told him to leave the house, because I wasn't being threatened in that way in my own home.

Utter fuckwit.

It's so very weird, I'm not sure I could get past it, it's too unsettling.

Another vote for using the email for something he doesn’t want you to see. Seems a huge overreaction.

Hi all, thanks for all your replies and for making me understand just how strange the reaction was!

I did initially laugh, I couldn’t believe this would be a reaction from someone I’ve been with for over a decade. And once we started debating, I just had to leave him to sulk because there was no good reason for it.

In regards to the email account itself, I have it saved on my phone as we use it for EBay and YouTube and as I said, I’ve sent emails from it before anyway. So there doesn’t seem to be anything dodgy.

I think it was the fact I didn’t ASK (because I never would have thought I’d have to!) and him asserting that it’s HIS. Funny it’s his now.

I’ve decided to do exactly what a PP said and sort my own personal deliveroo which I will use for me and DC. It’s not worth the aggro but he can sod off if he thinks he can join us after that reaction.

It has triggered something in me though to now protect myself. We have credit card debt which is in my name- didn’t want to claim that one did he?! So instead of adding to the joint pot I’m going to concentrate paying that off faster as I’m bloody well sure that’s what he would do if he’s kicking off about an email. For me it’s about this lack of “we” or trust. I’m not sure what on earth he thinks could happen but the whole thing, while laughable in reality, has opened my eyes.

Ask him for the credit card if he has one on your account / take him off the credit account op. It’s not that laughable in reality so don’t feel at all bad for taking it to heart, it’s a concerning insight into how he thinks. Hopefully a one off but who knows? And better chance he learns it’s not acceptable if he gets the hypocrisy spelt out in ways that affect him.

Another one suspicious at his reaction. I do this sort of thing all the time with my dh. Eg new customer discount codes when I am already a customer etc. And I send it to his work email which I imagine must be slightly annoying. He just forwards on to me or asks if I need him to order anything. This over-reaction would worry me and I think you are absolutely right to start thinking more along ‘me and mine’ terms rather than ‘ours’ as that is clearly how he thinks. Also, make sure he has no further access to the credit card and ask him to bloody put his hand in his pocket and pay his share of the joint debt. After all, this is where it starts.

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