Undermining comments about autism

[Opal93]

I am becoming increasingly upset with more and more ridiculous comments about autism. I know for a long time people didn’t understand it but surely there’s enough on TV and the internet for people to be at least a little bit more informed? Here are a few of the most ridiculous comments, ranging from old to young people. I know none of them come from malice but I do think to myself “SERIOUSLY??” And often don’t know how to respond. “ he doesn’t look autistic.” “At least it’s not a disability” “at least it’s not Down’s syndrome” “did you find out at your scan and were you offered a termination?” “He’s not that bad” “at least he might be a genius” “you shouldn’t have another baby what if it is like him” “he just needs more discipline”

@FoxyTheFox

I've had parents whinge before that DS gets 1:1 and "it's not fair because he's getting an advantage over the other kids"

Me too. My DD and the other child in her class each have 1-1 support under their EHCPs. The other child is profoundly affected by her autism, non verbal etc. DD is affected very differently, masks amazingly and speaks well. There is also a teacher and a general TA in the class so it's a very well staff reception class. I've had parents tell me DD's TA is a general TA and when I've said no, she's there for DD they've said things like 'well that's not fair' and 'well she's not disabled like X is, why does she need that?'

'She has autism, and she needs the extra support to cope with school. She wouldn't be able to attend without it'

'Yeah but she doesn't have the bad autism, does she!'

No, not that pesky bad autism

Even if meant with good intentions comments like “oh he must be clever then” really aren’t useful or reassuring to anyone!

@Sirzy

Even if meant with good intentions comments like “oh he must be clever then” really aren’t useful or reassuring to anyone!

And why isn't it not useful? Because u said so... Why should I have same mentality as everyone else and just write people off because they have autism As a daughter who is high functioning, I can assure you children with autism are very clever and should be celebrated with ever achievement and milestone they achieve in life just like their non autistic friends. Maybe you don't see the good or the reassurance, but I see them as gentle honest and well intentioned young people who just have a different take on things and have every right to make their voices heard.

Because it is a stereoptype (of the rainman variety) that autistic people are all clever and have savant like skills but are quirky. There is a range, invouding those with moderate to severe learning difficulties and cognitive issues. Thinking they are all misunderstood genuises is a disservice as much as any other stereoptype (like the ones around autistic people are not empathetic; are the products of cold maternal upbringings etc).

There is no one size fit all aspect to it, as so many people on this trhead have said.

Please excuse typos. I have a cat on my lap and a laptop that has had honey dripped ont it from breakfast (not by me I should add).

Still doesn't make them less than others does it..

Why the need to comment at all though? Would you find out a child was neorotupical and comment on their intelligence?

Perhaps instead of being influenced by stereotypes get to know the individual instead?

@Itsmeagainandagain

The only thing I say about autism is, so your kid is clever then, most of the famous musicians and scientists had austism... And let's be honest autistic kids most are far cleverer than those that haven't got Austism

Girls with autism tend to get diagnosed later than boys because they are better at hiding it to fit in with their peers.

There are some kids who have other illnesses along with autism that do impact their learning abilities, doesn't make them less than those that don't, they are equally if not more loved by those around them.

You clearly know Jack shit about autism ,it's a spectrum some kids will be clever ,some kids will also have severe learning disabilities and will never live independently ,and them there ,s everything in between.

@Itsmeagainandagain

Still doesn't make them less than others does it..

makes who 'less'. I am not sure I understand you.

You are commenting on me though, so I'll respond back. Be an adult and if you comment on others take on things, then let them respond

I’m commenting on someone using very unhelpful stereotypes on a thread that is about comments just like the ones you have made.

@Itsmeagainandagain

You are commenting on me though, so I'll respond back. Be an adult and if you comment on others take on things, then let them respond

sorry I fail entirely to understand any of the points you are trying to make. Including this one. So I will leave it there.

People tend to tell me my son is 'very clever' when they hear about his education struggles. (lots of time with no school, currently a special school with 1:1 for 8 hours a week but thats ending as they cant support him). Its very odd. I think they mean he can talk really well about Harry Potter! It feels dismissive. Like 'well he can talk so he must be so clever he probably doesnt even need to go to school'

My favourite was a neighbour who asked if my 16 year old ds had "grown out of it yet, as he's almost a adult and cannot behave like that at that age" and if I removed his treats he would "snap out of it"

There was no need for either of you to reply, goading for arguments because your opinion differs from mine, so I'm disengaging from both of you.

My opinion is they are clever, they are others out there that think the opposite and we all know the horrible names they call children that are different in ways. My daughter is brilliant, funny, makes me laugh, has passion for her hobby and I'm proud she's my daughter and nobody is ever going to tell me different. I'm also proud of my friends kids who also have autism, it makes me swell with joy when they hit a milestone, going against the odds and society and becoming the best of their ability, something every parent with a child who has Autism should be proud of.
If that's a problem for anyone that has a problem with my opinion, Tough!

Commenting that it is wrong to make assumptions on how clever someone is due to their diagnosis doesn’t mean that someone isn’t proud of every little achievement that is made.

You can’t stereotype all people with autism like your trying to do. Remember when you have met one person with autism you have met one person with autism.

@Itsmeagainandagain

There was no need for either of you to reply, goading for arguments because your opinion differs from mine, so I'm disengaging from both of you.

My opinion is they are clever, they are others out there that think the opposite and we all know the horrible names they call children that are different in ways. My daughter is brilliant, funny, makes me laugh, has passion for her hobby and I'm proud she's my daughter and nobody is ever going to tell me different. I'm also proud of my friends kids who also have autism, it makes me swell with joy when they hit a milestone, going against the odds and society and becoming the best of their ability, something every parent with a child who has Autism should be proud of.
If that's a problem for anyone that has a problem with my opinion, Tough!

You sound very uninformed ,for somebody who has a child with autism ,and you are making sweeping generalisations ,just because your daughter is very clever doesn't mean everyone with autism is,as the parent of a child with autism and learning disabilities,who will never live independently ,you seem to massively minimizing the impact autism can have on some .

I"ve got 2 with autism a boy and a girl.

My boy masks better than my girl.

They are both completely different in their needs even though they have the same diagnosis.

They are both disabled and receive DLA Middle Rate in acknowledgement of the fact that things are more difficult for them than their peers. The outside world might not immediately see that.

My eldest is cognitively bright but was crippled with anxiety from masking / trying to pass so he broke down at the age of 10. School were adamant that the was a naughty child when he couldn't cope their wouldn't entertain the prospect that he was autistic, he was diagnosed within 5 months. He is capable of getting top grades in GCSEs but struggles with his mental health so much that he may not be able to get out of bed to take them. If he does take them there is no guarantee he will have the skills to get through college or to hold a job down.

Daughter is cognitively average but has learning difficulties. Struggles with sensory issues and fixed views. Doesn't have or want friends and sees no point in human relationships which makes me very sad for her, but she's ok.

I sincerely worry that neither of them will have the skills to live independently . Neither are in the school system because of lack of places to meet needs locally to us.

Autism covers such a range of abilities and presents differently in each and every child.

It is misunderstood.

Oh dear...where to start.

Not all people with autism are clever.

You are allowed an opinion as everyone is but incorrect statements and stereotypes are unhelpful

*There are some kids who have other illnesses along with autism that do impact their learning abilities, doesn't make them less than those that don't, they are equally if not more loved by those around them. on the autistic spectrum often experience difficulties with social communication and interaction and restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, or activities. Symptoms are typically recognized

Sorry posted too soon

Someone posted one of those 'inspirational' posters on Facebook showing famous people who have autism, ADHD and Dyslexia, and several people I know to be teachers were talking about putting it on their walls.
I am not sure how it helps to know that some people with your disability/ condition are famous.

The only thing it does is give the impression that anyone with autism can aspire to be famous etc ,which is clearly not the case .

Equating how loved you are or how proud your parents are with how “clever” you are suggests a very limited understanding of love or pride. Not all autistics have normal plus IQs in fact MOST don’t.