Undermining comments about autism

[Opal93]

I am becoming increasingly upset with more and more ridiculous comments about autism. I know for a long time people didn’t understand it but surely there’s enough on TV and the internet for people to be at least a little bit more informed? Here are a few of the most ridiculous comments, ranging from old to young people. I know none of them come from malice but I do think to myself “SERIOUSLY??” And often don’t know how to respond. “ he doesn’t look autistic.” “At least it’s not a disability” “at least it’s not Down’s syndrome” “did you find out at your scan and were you offered a termination?” “He’s not that bad” “at least he might be a genius” “you shouldn’t have another baby what if it is like him” “he just needs more discipline”

There is a hell of a lot of difference between what is autistic behaviour and part of disability and bog standard naughtiness/selfishness/being an arse.

Saying disabled/ autistic people can't be arses is making us some sort of other...not human like everyone else. Funnily enough ex rather brings out the arse behaviour in me.

But definitely what you said about no correlation is true, and it is offensive when people equate general selfishness to must be autistic.

It is hard to tell what is personality that would be there without autism. But reducing the difficulties would be good.

Bullying is not necessarily a given. My two seem to have survived school so far. I worry about DD getting taken advantage of. Been there, done that so know what can happen but not sure how to help.

For me autism is the symptoms not the personality. I’d give almost anything to remove the impact of his communication deficits. In fact I am. . It’s a hill worth climbing.

I haven’t seen anyone be shot down for describing their own experience as their own experience. I have seen criticism of those who think they can speak for those autistic people who can’t speak for themselves.

Where has anybody on this thread done that?

My supervisor at work asked me whether there was any medication I could take to cure my autism... I didn’t know how to respond to that

We don’t have an EHCP as school said he wouldn’t qualify. We’ve really had to fight to get any sort of input or understanding. I think because DS coasts along under the surface but then comes home and has huge meltdowns. We really have to push the SENCO and teachers, it makes me so frustrated.

@BuggerBognor I don’t think restricted diet, limited communication, limited interest, noise sensitivity, hyper mobility, echolalia, lack of understanding of life, anxiety etc etc is anything to do with personality however severely disabled you are.

Dungeon, I would look into applying for an EHCP yourself. The criteria to qualify for the needs assessment are really very basic (whether the child or young person has or may have special educational needs (“SEN”); and
whether they may need special educational provision to be made through an EHC plan.)

You may well find you have to fight and show them you know he qualifies for the assessment but it’s well worth doing

@DungeonKeeper

We don’t have an EHCP as school said he wouldn’t qualify. We’ve really had to fight to get any sort of input or understanding. I think because DS coasts along under the surface but then comes home and has huge meltdowns. We really have to push the SENCO and teachers, it makes me so frustrated.

Don't just take the schools word for it. Apply for one yourself.

Once had a work 'friend' say to another colleague...." There's nothing wrong with her kids she only makes out her kids have a problem because she just doesn't know how to control them. " A few years later she wanted to chat all about ASD as her grandson had been diagnosed. Needless to say I no longer give her the time of day and fortunately no longer work with her!!She must know I know what she said as the person she told is now my other half🤣

Thanks @timeforanewnameagain and @Sirzy I don’t even know where to start. I looked briefly and thought it had to have input from school and in every report they down play him so I feel like it would just get rejected?

Why is everything a bloody battle.

@DungeonKeeper
I was told exactly the same thing that my child wouldn't qualify for an EHCP when asked the head teacher and she looked almost scared! Two months later she permanently excluded DS 8. He now has an EHCP and attends a specialist independent school. As other posters have said you can apply yourself. I was going to but didn't need to in the end. It is a battle but like you said in a PP "who else will fight for your child apart from you". Someone said those exact words to me once and it has stuck with me through the bad times when you feel like you're banging your head against a brick wall! Good luck💐

@BuggerBognor my point was that I think you CAN separate personality and autism regardless of severity.

@Ericaequites

I have the disorder formerly known as Asperger’s with depression and anxiety. What bothers me are the “anti-cure” high functioning autistic who argue for neurodiversity. My autism shuts me off from successful friendships, the ability to work well with others, being in crowds, having children, and other things. I would happily take a cure. Many parents of autistic children would also want a cure if available. It’s hard to be happier than your saddest child

💐

@sixtyfiveoranges

Re the cure thing, surely the reason people advocate for acceptance of neurodiversity is because there is no cure and no prospect of one? So the only thing that will make a practical difference is to try and make a world that is more accepting. I'd have taken a cure until a few years ago, but now I think this is who I am and who my ds is and I don't want us to be changed. I just want a world that accepts autism and other disabilities and differences.

But I am in that category that lots of you seem to resent - adult diagnosed woman who some of you seem to think have no struggles because I've got no LDs. This is a summary of my easy life: decades of depression, anxiety, multiple breakdowns and treatment (inpatient and outpatient), bullied at school and work, frequently suicidal, often not being able to speak for days at a time and not knowing why, many lost jobs, not having friends/social life, unable to work for long periods so couldn't support myself and have no savings, pension, etc, not understanding why I couldn't cope with certain sensory things, frequent physical pain from the stress (stomach pains, ulcer, migraines, etc). And most of that time I was told I'm lazy, stupid, weird, attention-seeking, sponging off the state/dh, etc because nobody I met had heard of adult women having autism. Then a struggle for a few years to get a diagnosis after my ds was diagnosed, and it's been a relief - same symptoms, still struggling, but at least I understand it much better now, and I'm glad my ds has this understanding from an early age. So I think I've got a right to look for positive things about autism and talk about the stuff I like about myself - special interests, hyper focus, logical thinking, etc. It would be a different history if I'd had LDs, but it doesn't mean I'm less autistic or have had it easy or should keep quiet.

I've met a lot of people online with similar histories since getting diagnosed. I haven't met any quirky geniuses who thought it would be cool to get an autism dx. Other autistic people are such an easy target, but it's not adult diagnosed autistics who are taking anything away from autistic kids or adults with LDs, it's the lack of support, understanding, representation, funding, etc for disability as a whole.

Absolutely this. The offensive language towards autistic people and the total lack of understanding about what autism is from people apparently parenting autistic children is shocking. Somebody might appear to you to be "high-functioning" but that whole way of conceiving autism has been debunked and people really need to stop making such nonsensical and offensive comments. If you think you can make a judgement of "how autistic" someone is - as if it works on some kind of a scale - then you really do not understand what autism is in the first place.

It’s actually fairly unlikely that you would accidentally think someone was high functioning when they aren’t. Fairly easy to make the mistake the other way, and think a high functioning individual is low functioning. But obviously you’d have to be using the terminology appropriately and accurately to understand that and have some experience of both sorts of difficulties.

I've heard "there's nothing wrong with him""I don't think he's autistic "oh he will prob be really intelligent" "he's too sociable to have autism" "your too soft" "he eats too much sugar" it's so frustrating alot of these are from well meaning friends and family.

@Shutupyoutart

I've heard "there's nothing wrong with him""I don't think he's autistic "oh he will prob be really intelligent" "he's too sociable to have autism" "your too soft" "he eats too much sugar" it's so frustrating alot of these are from well meaning friends and family.

All of this. I saw this and it's quite amazing and wonderful to see a young woman expressing so eloquently what many of us can't.

www.facebook.com/BuzzFeedUK/videos/271302284405375/

@5zeds

It’s actually fairly unlikely that you would accidentally think someone was high functioning when they aren’t. Fairly easy to make the mistake the other way, and think a high functioning individual is low functioning. But obviously you’d have to be using the terminology appropriately and accurately to understand that and have some experience of both sorts of difficulties.

This is nonsense I'm afraid.