Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Work one AIBU

220 replies

Covidbegone · 13/04/2021 10:29

So I was asked to help out with a project months ago, but in the final stages, the editing down and smartening up stages. The people I’m helping have a reputation for being late to hand work in. The original lady who was liaising with them left her post before they got it to her. When she left she apologised to me and explained how long she’d been waiting and they were notorious for this.

Anyway new liaison lady comes on board. She gives them a deadline to work to. I go to her and explain that the deadline she has provided is in the middle of the Easter hols and I’ll be off as I have young kids. I ask if I can have the work a few days before as they will literally need the work on my return from A/L not leaving me any time to actually help out. This still leaves them a good few weeks to do the work. Anyway they complain they have not enough time. I advise them I can still help if they give me a day or 2 prior to leave.

A/L time arrives. I go on leave, no sign of the work. I return to work this week only to discover in the interim that the liaison lady has taken the job to my colleague who also has young children and is on A/L. My colleague however has done the work. I understand that that is her choice, however I feel completely undermined. It makes me look bad that I’m not willing to give up A/L for work, which tbf I’m not in this instance (they were given months and months to get something to me). I imagine that my colleague perhaps does not know the full story of repeated requests for work to be handed in by the original lady or myself. With all that in mind, would I be unreasonable to raise this with her? I just feel so undermined

OP posts:
araiwa · 13/04/2021 10:56

Seems fair enough. You weren't available on their timescale so they found someone who could do it

bridgetreilly · 13/04/2021 10:58

YABU. You were not undermined. You couldn't do the work when they needed it, you had made a point of saying so. Of course they then asked someone else to do it.

Original poster
Covidbegone · 13/04/2021 10:58

My colleague was on A/L herself and I’ve literally been waiting months for them to get their work to me. It wasn’t something that they were asked to provide at a weeks notice

OP posts:
Zarinea · 13/04/2021 11:02

I agree with PPs. They met their deadline in a way which suited them. In theory you could have helped, but on this occasion they found another way to do it as you weren't available when needed.

You've not been undermined!

flowery · 13/04/2021 11:02

Raise it with who? Your colleague? She was offered some work you couldn’t do and she could, so she did it. What’s the issue? Why would she need to know the full story of the repeated requests?

skirk64 · 13/04/2021 11:07

You sound a little over-protective of your work. From the employer's perspective, they did what was necessary to get the job done. They did what was necessary according to their timescales, not yours.

No truly efficient employee is indispensible.

suspiria777 · 13/04/2021 11:10

this isn't an issue with your peer colleague who was also on A/L -- this is an issue for a) your line manager; b) the liaison woman; and c) the slow team's line manager.

Original poster
Covidbegone · 13/04/2021 11:11

Just to clarify, she isn’t paid extra to do it. We both have contracted hours. The only benefit she would have is to loose A/L.

It makes me look bad that I’m not prepared to forgo planned leave the which I actually don’t think is a bad thing. What the responses I’m getting appear to show is that people seem to believe that it’s ok to forgo leave, which well being wise is worrying.

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 13/04/2021 11:12

I think you have been undermined because your colleague working on her annual leave when it's not even her project (unless I've misunderstood) is sending the message that annual leave is annual leave, unless someone else doesn't feel like managing their workload and then people have their family interrupted.

Zarinea · 13/04/2021 11:15

I don't think anyone is suggesting that you should have given up your leave. Just that they don't need to take your leave into account if they have another way of getting things sorted.

flowery · 13/04/2021 11:15

Why do you think it makes you look bad? I think it’s odd that’s the conclusion you’re jumping to, or perhaps that reflects the culture you’re working in, that you think your boss/whoever would think badly of you.

Crazycrazylady · 13/04/2021 11:16

YABU, You were unable to do the work and told them so, They found an alternative , the fact that she worked through her A/L to do it is really nothing to do with you, its between her and her manager, She might be trying to impress/get promo etc all of which is nothing to do with you.
You would look like a total loon if you approached her on this. Please don't.

VodselForDinner · 13/04/2021 11:22

YABU.

It’s a piece of work you were unable to do at the time it needed to be done.

Of course they found someone else to do it.

Original poster
Covidbegone · 13/04/2021 11:23

It makes me look difficult as I wasn’t prepared to give up my annual leave to fulfill the request, however my colleague is. Her position is the same as mine in that she has young children.

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 13/04/2021 11:24

Why does it reflect badly on you? Surely it reflects badly on management who approved two lots of leave at the same time for (seemingly) the only two people that could do this part of the project.

flowery · 13/04/2021 11:26

@Covidbegone

It makes me look difficult as I wasn’t prepared to give up my annual leave to fulfill the request, however my colleague is. Her position is the same as mine in that she has young children.
But it’s not clear why you think not giving up annual leave makes you look “difficult”? Why would it?? There must be something about the culture or attitudes where you work to make you think anyone would think badly of you for that!
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 13/04/2021 11:30

Agreed.

Happytentoes · 13/04/2021 11:31

Let it go OP. It was fine that you did not give up A/L and it’s fine that someone else did.
Your colleague may have wanted to bank a favour, or just wanted to do that work. You had plans.
You are over thinking it.

Libelula21 · 13/04/2021 11:33

I’d say undermined is the wrong word.

You have chosen to uphold an important principle in accordance with your values (and one I agree with, personally).

Your colleague has made a different choice, according to her values (and perhaps also her circumstances, worries about her financial outlook, etc).

I think you did the right thing. But it’s unlikely your colleague was undermining you, unless there is a history of discord or oneupmanship between you.

Maybe a valid issue to raise with HR? It’s totally understandable that you would feel a bit annoyed that you set reasonable and lawful boundaries, and the people you work for bypassed those boundaries elsewhere.

But I’d say your colleague was undermining herself more than she was undermining you?

Aprilx · 13/04/2021 11:36

@Covidbegone

It makes me look difficult as I wasn’t prepared to give up my annual leave to fulfill the request, however my colleague is. Her position is the same as mine in that she has young children.
It doesn’t make you look difficult, it makes you look like you were not able to change annual leave but somebody else was. So there were delays before but these things happen, that doesn’t mean they ought to delay it even further when there is somebody available to do what was required. You are making it about you, it isn’t.
Original poster
Covidbegone · 13/04/2021 11:42

It just feels like a slippery slope. You have a colleague who gives up things like A/L so easily and then people send work to her instead of you because they know she’ll give up her holidays. That makes someone like me feel that in future I’m going to have to give up my holidays or will become known as the rigid one who’s not a team player. I am normally the biggest team player, but acts like this make me look as though I don’t care about helping which isn’t fair.

OP posts:
Osrie · 13/04/2021 11:45

I think it would have only polite/professional to have let you know the plan . You could have been working towards keeping time free to do the job!

EarringsandLipstick · 13/04/2021 11:51

No. In your shoes, I'd be glad they found an alternative, and that your leave wasn't affected.

Your colleague needs to think through the implications for her of giving up her leave like that.

I don't see the issue for you, you did all that was required of you.

Osrie · 13/04/2021 11:52

Missed your post about team player giving up annual leave and it was my first thought. I’ve seen it happen far too often in one organisation in particular it had become the norm and so only those prepared to forgo family life could continue to work there.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 13/04/2021 11:57

@Covidbegone

It just feels like a slippery slope. You have a colleague who gives up things like A/L so easily and then people send work to her instead of you because they know she’ll give up her holidays. That makes someone like me feel that in future I’m going to have to give up my holidays or will become known as the rigid one who’s not a team player. I am normally the biggest team player, but acts like this make me look as though I don’t care about helping which isn’t fair.
You are massively overthinking this.