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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends businesses pressure to buy

73 replies

HepLaurenceLB · 12/04/2021 12:56

During lockdown 4 of my friends have separately published books. They are on a variety of topics none which interest me.

Another friend has set up an expensive bag shop, another a very expensive toddler coat shop. Another friend is creating personalised art.

The friends with online shops can see who has ordered what and know I haven’t bought anything. I have bought two of my friends books but not the other two.

If I bought one item from each friend and all 4 books it would cost a minimum of £400. I love all of these friends dearly but I do not have £400 to spend on items I neither want or need.
Some of these friends send me “reminders” that their shops/books are open/available. I feel embarrassed, when I speak to them, that I have not bought these things.

Am I being unreasonable to not buy anything else from friends?

YABU: support your friends and buy the items
YANBU: brazen it out and save your money.

OP posts:
osbertthesyrianhamster · 12/04/2021 12:58

They are cheeky AF to expect you to buy anything. Brazen it out. YANBU.

Palavah · 12/04/2021 12:59

Buy if you want to, share/like on SM either way if you feel able, if you like the product then leave a positive review. For the items you don't want/won't use, would you buy them for a a friend or relative for a birthday gift or similar?

Beyond that dont worry about it.

CruCru · 12/04/2021 13:02

It’s always quite awkward when a friend writes a book. You feel that you have to buy it but then they want to hear how much you enjoyed it. Then they want you to write a review on Amazon and send links to all your friends.

Please don’t feel guilty about not buying all this stuff. Apart from the money, it would also mean filling your house with yet more stuff you don’t want.

bloodyhell19 · 12/04/2021 13:03

You're under no obligation to buy - just be polite and say I'm happy for you! But if they press on about buying then just say I'm sorry X but I don't have the budget at the moment. You don't have to financially put yourself out to be supportive.

YouAreYourBestThing · 12/04/2021 13:03

YANBU at all!

Think of it like this if it helps: Would you feel the same pressure to support every other friend in their workplace? If you had three friends who were GPs, Would you feel obliged to 'share' out your ailments equally, to give all 3 a fair crack at diagnosing you and prescribing you a bottle of pills? If you had three friends who were primary school teachers in different schools, would you send them a child each to teach? Or even worse, feel obliged to actually HAVE three children in order to facilitate their job???

No, of course you wouldn't! So YANBU to not buy a single thing from either of your friends in this situation...it's no different!! It's a business!

Close your purse OP 👍

BusterGonad · 12/04/2021 13:05

Maybe explain the reasons why? If they are a good friend they'd understand. You can support them by sharing on Facebook etc.

merryhouse · 12/04/2021 13:05

If they can't make a success of their business without pity purchases from friends and family then it's not a viable business, and the sooner that becomes apparent the better.

"Thanks, but I don't need what you're selling" with a big smile.

Justmoveonin · 12/04/2021 13:06

I have my own Business and Never expect friends or family to book me (they don’t either) but they always share posts or refer me to people who could need me/be my ideal client and that means the world. Pity purchases aren’t the foundation of any good long-term business, it’s all about honing in on the ideal clients. Don’t feel bad!

Cartwheelingdinosaur · 12/04/2021 13:20

You don't need to buy anything and thats ok. They should understand that not everyone wants to buy their products. You can still help them by helping yhem promote their business. Eg sharing social media posts and recomendations.

jay55 · 12/04/2021 13:32

You shouldn't have to subside your friends wages, by buying things you don't want/need.

1sunnyday23 · 12/04/2021 13:34

I help promote friends business by sharing their posts and liking their pages, but don't feel pressured into buying stuff you don't need or can't afford.

Daphnise · 12/04/2021 13:36

Are these real books with real publishers or vanity/self published things?

I just might buy a real book, but not a self published/Amazon only type publication.

As for the businesses, I expect all interest will die down, and most of these new businesses will simply fold quite soon, so sit tight and don't buy!

DarkishBlue · 12/04/2021 13:46

My sil has a shop selling her own craft work. I am forbidden to buy anything from it. If there is anything I want, she says, she will give it to me as a gift.

Embroideredstars · 12/04/2021 13:46

Dont feel bad. I dont buy from friends unless I want the stuff and ignore/minimise any Facebook posts.

Why would you buy a toddler coat, if you dont have a toddler? That person should understand.

I don't do handbags of any description never mind expensive ones, they should also understand if the bags are £££.

Similarly I wouldn't buy book I didnt want to read.

If they keep pestering you, I'd send a polite message, wishing them every success with their venture but you can't afford extras at the moment.

You aren't doing them a favour buying products you don't want, as they need to be launching their business to their target audience, selling to friends isnt giving them a true picture of their sales figures.

BlueDahlia69 · 12/04/2021 13:52

@jay55

You shouldn't have to subside your friends wages, by buying things you don't want/need.

correct

peak2021 · 12/04/2021 13:53

If you are buying none of these, you are treating everyone the same.

Notaroadrunner · 12/04/2021 13:55

Don't feel bad. A friend's dd writes and she'd often send a message about a new book. I've never bought one as they are not the type of book I'd read so I wouldn't waste money on them. By all means share SM posts but don't ever feeel obliged to buy anything.

SinkGirl · 12/04/2021 13:57

I’ve recently restarted my Etsy shops (paper artwork and craft templates / kits). I will share things on social media in case anyone I know is interested (I’ve had several friends approach me to commission pieces in the past) but would never, ever expect any of them to buy from me. Ever. I would never make anyone feel bad for not doing so either. You have shitty friends if they’re pressuring you.

If I know someone who sells something I want, I’ll check out their offerings first and might order or might not. But otherwise I won’t.

topcat2014 · 12/04/2021 14:00

Agree with PP. Proper businesses sell to unconnected third parties.

Anything else is bordering on MLM.

user1468105798 · 12/04/2021 14:04

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BarbaraofSeville · 12/04/2021 14:06

It would never occur to me to buy things I didn't want, even if I was friends with the business owners.

Surely the bag and coat people especially must know they're a niche market.

Who exactly would buy a 'very expensive toddler coat'? Do you move in very wealthy circles?

FlyingBurrito · 12/04/2021 14:08

@topcat2014

Agree with PP. Proper businesses sell to unconnected third parties.

Anything else is bordering on MLM.

MLM is characterised by making money from recruiting the levels below you, nothing to do with buying stuff you don't need from friends.

I'm interested in why you think you could possibly be unreasonable not to buy things you dont want OP. Do you have issue with people pleasing? That's crazy unless you have unlimited money and don't care about whether you need or will use an item

Sassysally12 · 12/04/2021 14:09

Ive had a similar situation with a friend but selling a pyramid type thing that’s really expensive and not in my interest at all. It is really awkward. I do support people I know when I can but that means IF I need something rather than buy it from somewhere large I will go to somebody I know, not buying something for the sake of it just because somebody I know is selling it. Huge difference. I would try share their stuff on social media and support with that kind of free advertising to reach a larger audience instead, people aren’t made of money xx

LolaSmiles · 12/04/2021 14:13

Your friends need a business plan that is based on selling their services or products to the wider market, not friends and family.

I've taken exercise classes done by a friend because I wanted to do that class and I was more than happy to support them, but if they'd been offering a different sport then I'd not be signing up to cricket coaching just because they think friends should.

fiorentina · 12/04/2021 14:13

I have a friend who has started a business during lockdown who only ever engages to ask us to promote her business, tags us endlessly on Facebook and it’s really affecting her friendship with the rest of the group. Everyone has been really supportive - liked and shared but nobody should put their friends under pressure to buy or market their business. It can ruin friendships sadly.

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