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AIBU?

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Original poster

Handing in my notice on Tuesday...

53 replies

Pebbledashery · 11/04/2021 19:33

I've recently got a new job, it's an amazing opportunity in the NHS and I cannot wait to start there, they are also very keen for me to start ASAP and pushed through my pre employment checks and I got an unconditional offer 3 days after receiving the conditional offer...
I'm planning to hand in my notice to my boss on Tuesday... But honestly.. I'm sick to my stomach at the thought of it.. I posted in the work forum and got some good advice..
My boss makes me feel exactly like my ex did... Crushed... No voice.. Just accepting of her sh*t. She talks to me like utter crap, makes me feel thick and is also just a complete bully.. She's had form for doing this to other employees. I had some loyalty too her as she took me on part time after maternity leave after my previous employer couldn't.. But God, every week since its just been a gradual decline in shattering my self confidence.
How can I get over this irrational fear of telling her I'm resigning and also I've found another job... She's going to make my last 4 weeks complete hell 😭😭😭

OP posts:
StoneofDestiny · 11/04/2021 19:35

Great news you e made your escape. Ignore your (ex) boss - what can she do to you now anyway.

altlife · 11/04/2021 19:48

If it's that awful, is there anyway you can just not go back?

Wouldn't normally recommend this, but could you say something like 'due to unforeseen circumstances I'm unable to return to work' ?

If money is an issue, could you start early and tell new employer you negotiated a shorter notice period?

Original poster
Pebbledashery · 11/04/2021 19:50

@altlife not really as I don't want to burn bridges with my employer.. I just want to not let her make me feel like a gibbering mess whilst resigning. I have to do it verbally to her first as she would be horrified just to receive an email from me with my resignation in writing.. It's that conversation I'm utterly dreading.

OP posts:
Shinyletsbebadguys · 11/04/2021 19:52

I've been in similar situations and the truth is that month will fade into memory once you're gone. Hold on to that. However bad it seems at the time in 6 weeks time it will seem like a distant memory.

I know that doesn't help right now but head down and power through. It does get better once you are out , I felt like a massive weight was lifted.

See telling her like ripping off a plaster. Once its done the clock starts ticking to your escape. Every single minute is a step closer . I know it sounds silly but it worked for me. Every 5 minutes was another 5 minutes I never had to work there again.

user1494050295 · 11/04/2021 19:52

When I resigned from previous job (boss was a bitch) I kept it very simple. Dear xxxx. I am resigning my role as xxxx to start a new position. I am on four weeks notice and hope to finish on xxx date. I wish you and the team and the organisation all the best. Regards, xxxx

altlife · 11/04/2021 19:53

[quote Pebbledashery]@altlife not really as I don't want to burn bridges with my employer.. I just want to not let her make me feel like a gibbering mess whilst resigning. I have to do it verbally to her first as she would be horrified just to receive an email from me with my resignation in writing.. It's that conversation I'm utterly dreading.[/quote]
Then write a letter. And verbally tell her as you hand it to her.

You've made a decision to leave, you now need to make a decision to NOT let her have that effect on you any longer.

Be strong, it'll soon be over x

MistyMinge2 · 11/04/2021 19:53

I was in the same situation a few weeks ago. Although, my boss isn't horrible, but I just knew she wouldn't take it well and would take it personally. I felt absolutely sick beforehand, but as soon as it was done the feeling of relief was immense. The thought is ofteh worse than the act. You don't owe her anything. Employees come and go. Can you do it via email?

user1494050295 · 11/04/2021 19:53

Amendment: my contract states I must give four weeks notice, therefore my last day will be xxx date”

Original poster
Pebbledashery · 11/04/2021 19:55

I know.. The thing is, it's such a lovely organisation... Except for her. I can't get away from her as she founded the organisation. I will send a very basic and formal resignation. I also want to say in a diplomatic and roundabout way that she is the reason I'm leaving but don't know why!

OP posts:
GoToSleepBabyPlease · 11/04/2021 19:55

Any way you can use up your annual leave to lessen the time you actually have to work?

AdaFuckingShelby · 11/04/2021 19:56

I wouldn't normally recommend this but can you go off sick? Would you still het paid? It's not like it will be on your record for long.

Original poster
Pebbledashery · 11/04/2021 20:00

I wanted to get paid for all my accrued annual leave to date as that money will be handy... I don't want to actually do anything that shows I'm scared of her.. Even though I am.. I just want to be able to find the words to hand in my notice and for her to know it's because of her but I just feel sick thinking about it.

OP posts:
HotChoc10 · 11/04/2021 20:00

Oh gosh it's hard, I've been so nervous to resign before even though I haven't had such as awful experience with a boss. Good for you for getting out of that situation.

You don't have to say much. 'I've just found out I've been offered a new role so I wanted to let you know that I'm handing in my resignation. Thank you for the opportunities I've had while working here.'

HotChoc10 · 11/04/2021 20:01

Ah just saw your last update, maybe not the opportunities bit!

PumpkinPie2016 · 11/04/2021 20:03

I was dreading resigning from my last place. Not so much because the boss was horrible as she wasn't really but I knew she wouldn't exactly be thrilled.

I wrote my letter and handed it to her in person. Kept it short and too the point. Polite but nothing more.

Honestly, it was fine in the end and I felt relieved once I had done it.

She may not like it but it's tough. Keep thinking about your fantastic new job. Keep a descreet countdown calendar and tick off the days. Remain polite and professional during your last 4 weeks and then walk away with your head held high.

TipseyTorvey · 11/04/2021 20:03

You really shouldn't care if she is horrified if you do it via an email. Pp email is perfect. Send that. Let her wail and nash her teeth, but it's official and in writing. The danger is that you do it in person and she tries to stall and you end up weeks overdue. Just ping it over like a nicely timed grenade and enjoy!

Butterfly44 · 11/04/2021 20:04

When I resigned I wrote the letter and made a point of saying I couldn't work in the environment anymore. I had to give 3 months notice. She didn't talk to be that whole time, which was bliss. She was one nasty woman.

BlueDahlia69 · 11/04/2021 20:07

OP you stand strong and know you are better than anyone who treats people so horridly.

Congratulations on your new position.

Shamoo · 11/04/2021 20:08

I agree with PP - these things are never as bad as we think they will be. Just tell her, get it done, and it will be ok. Hope it goes well.

Original poster
Pebbledashery · 11/04/2021 20:10

@bluedahlia69 😘 thank you. Its when I had my interviews for my new role. The people were so lovely and made me feel like they would really value having me there, there was a strong emphasis on being part of a team and working "with" and not "for" god I am dreading telling her.

OP posts:
RichmondMumof2 · 11/04/2021 20:10

Have the letter ready, no reasons. Between now and Wednesday imagine the conversation/meeting going as well as it could go. Imagine you will give a confident delivery and get to the point. Imagine that your boss will accept it and make you fee understood. How the conversation will be short and end on good terms. That you will feel relaxed and relieved. That the final 4 weeks will be painless and productive.

Basically imagine you being in total control and professional. It really doesn't matter if your boss reacts badly. It's her problem.

They say you don't leave bad jobs, you leave bad bosses.

I once had a similar situation and my boss was an arse when I handed my notice in, saying he had been disappointed in my performance, had expected more from me but that if anyone asks why I had left I should say that I'm leaving because my sister was ill, instead of the truth that I was jumping ship to do the same thing for someone else. I was nervous about telling him and, like you, had such low confidence at that point but when he was an arse at that difficult moment I realised how right a decision it was and that indeed it wasn't me! The same job at a different company was brilliant.

Original poster
Pebbledashery · 11/04/2021 20:14

You're definitely right, you leave bad bosses not bad jobs.. I was with my last employer for 10 years, I only left there because they couldn't fulfil my request for flexible hours after maternity leave.
I just know if I don't leave now I'll be stuck in a miserable job for the next 10 years.

OP posts:
Doorhandleghost · 11/04/2021 20:15

When you have a shit manager you who treats people badly you know it’s always going to be a challenge to leave.

I’ve just changed jobs because of a manager who micromanaged, disempowered, undermined and belittled me at every turn. When I resigned she launched a smear campaign and went out of her way to make my life a living hell - but it was only 5 weeks and now it’s over - a short period of pain to get away!

You might not want to burn bridges but you can’t control her reaction can you. Do not try and use this as an opportunity to get back at her - there is absolutely no point trying to tell her it’s because of her, it will achieve nothing. Just send a short email with dates, thank her for the opportunity and leave it at that. Then count down the days!

Good luck - enjoy your new role 😊

Chocolateteabag · 11/04/2021 20:19

@Pebbledashery - make your resignation really short. Have a letter written to hand over (and an email version to send straight afterwards)
Then deep breath and just do it.

She may realise why without you telling her, she may ask you later. She may not ever want to know or accept she is at fault.

None of this is your problem and you just need to get out of there asap.

Like a PP said - it's a plaster, pull it off quickly!

And congratulations on your new job

Original poster
Pebbledashery · 11/04/2021 20:21

@chocolateteabag thank you x Oh she would never accept it in a million years.. Ever. She'll say its me not being resilient enough!

OP posts: