Handing in my notice on Tuesday...

[Pebbledashery]

I've recently got a new job, it's an amazing opportunity in the NHS and I cannot wait to start there, they are also very keen for me to start ASAP and pushed through my pre employment checks and I got an unconditional offer 3 days after receiving the conditional offer...
I'm planning to hand in my notice to my boss on Tuesday... But honestly.. I'm sick to my stomach at the thought of it.. I posted in the work forum and got some good advice..
My boss makes me feel exactly like my ex did... Crushed... No voice.. Just accepting of her sh*t. She talks to me like utter crap, makes me feel thick and is also just a complete bully.. She's had form for doing this to other employees. I had some loyalty too her as she took me on part time after maternity leave after my previous employer couldn't.. But God, every week since its just been a gradual decline in shattering my self confidence.
How can I get over this irrational fear of telling her I'm resigning and also I've found another job... She's going to make my last 4 weeks complete hell 😭😭😭

Congrats on the new job!

Maybe just don’t tell her why. She doesn’t need to know and if you don’t want to burn bridges, just tell her you have been given a great opportunity elsewhere and you can’t turn it down. No hard feelings etc. Have enjoyed working there.

I wouldn’t raise a grievance with her direct. If you really want to, raise it with HR at your exit interview.

Good luck in the new role!

Don't tell her she is the reason - nothing to be achieved by it.
Just short and to the point, the. Go on your merry way, merrily 😀

As soon as you say l need to talk to you, she will know what you are going to say.
I quit a toxic job last year and just so as not to burn bridges l said it wasn't anything they had done, it was my circumstances. Not sure telling her why you are leaving will achieve much op.
Good luck and well done on the new job!!

Congratulations on the new job - especially well done for gathering all your confidence to go through the process because it can be really hard to put your best self forward when you're living with a rubbish boss.

FWIW I wouldn't try to hint that she's the reason you're leaving. I know the urge well - I quit a really awful job in December and spent the next 6 weeks having imaginary conversations with my narcissistic horror of a boss about how awful he was. A big part of me so desperately wanted to have my say. But it would have been a mistake - it wouldn't have changed one single thing about the way he managed people, he certainly would not have apologised or 'seen the error of his ways'.

Think about it from a 'what benefit will I gain from saying something' angle - there may be a minutes worth of satisfaction in it, but no more. The risk of burning bridges, possibly a less than positive reference in the future and an even more difficult last 4 weeks is the other side of that coin.

Good luck - as other pp's have said, as soon as you do it you'll be instantly closer to freedom and those 4 weeks will be a distant memory soon enough.

Keep telling yourself - this is horrible but she can’t eat my kids. Anything other than that is a walk in the park....

I think you're right.. I think I will just say its due to my circumstances I've found a job that's local to me. She wanted me back full time in our central London office from June also which wasn't feasible anymore for me as I'm also a single parent to a toddler and have no family support.. It won't achieve anything inferring the reason I'm leaving is because of her and it won't stop her from doing it again either.

Congratulations, hope the new job is everything you hope it will be.

Don't tell her anything OP, just type up your resignation in letter form and plonk it on her desk before you leave for the day.

I’ve left my job in similarly circumstances and not only did I not burn bridges I was asked back, stupidly excepted and years later handed in my notice without another job again due to huge anxiety and stress. You are doing the right thing.

I’ve since found another job that is so well suited to me and my life and I’m shocked daily at how lovely the team are and how they value every employee. You’ll move on to better things.

I just wanted to say a big congratulations OP. It once took me three attempts over the course of 10 days to actually hand in my notice. In the end I had to get HR to help me, as ridiculous as it sounds! After trying for the third time and my boss managing to engineer the meeting so that I didn't has a single chance to say anything I went straight to HR and told them they needed to tell her that I had something to say and she needed to sit quietly until id finished. Amazingly they did exactly that. The first words out of her mouth were 'Well it can't be because of me! Everyone else who has worked for me has loved it!'

It assured me that I'd made the right choice so I sat there beaming. As others have said, once the moment is over you won't care anymore.

Hi op yes keep it brief and polite. Congrats on new role. I was in a builders he was so arrogant. Thank god I moved on.

Thank you all. Just got one more day then I can do it.. Then it's 4 weeks till freedom 🤣

Many congrats on your new job OP.

I agree with pp’s just a factual letter of resignation, place in an envelope, hold it in your hand when you talk to your boss, as soon as she sees the envelope she will know what’s coming. Do it as soon as you can in the morning, otherwise you will be having that awful feeling of dread in your tummy.

You will probably find it easier than you imagine it will be. Bullies are usually cowards, when some one strong stands up to them.

Wishing you every success in your new job & good luck for tomorrow.

We're all working remotely still so I can't hand a letter to her😭

That should be easier, try not to worry about it OP, people leave jobs all the time, businesses carry on. Good luck.

I have to do it verbally to her first as she would be horrified just to receive an email from me with my resignation in writing.. It's that conversation I'm utterly dreading.

You are perfectly within your rights to send an e mail rather than have a conversation. You will have to put it in writing anyway, even if you verbally resign. It doesn't sound to me as though the courtesy of a conversation is owed here anyway.

Just send her an email, it doesn't matter what she thinks. You only have to work with her for a few more weeks.

No, you're absolutely right.. She doesn't owe the courtesy of a conversation, but I know I'm that kind of person to give her that courtesy, I don't want her to shatter my confidence even further because I will be finishing on a Friday and starting my new job on the Monday so literally no gap at all.. I want to feel confident going into my new role and not have her try and crush me.. So I'll give her that small courtesy of a verbal conversation if it means my next 4 weeks are bearable..

Can I pay any of you guys to do it? 🤣🤣

If you're determined to do it, then I'd advise writing yourself a script, or some key phrases and then practice saying the words out loud.
Another trick is to pretend you're an actress playing a role when you talk to her. This should help you keep the emotions in check.

When you speak to her be ready for silence, don't be tempted to fill the space, let her take it in. She will no doubt be surprised, and may react by asking you a load of questions, be prepared with your answers. You don't have to tell her where you're going, or why, it can be "personal reasons".

At the end of the day it will probably be quite a short, uncomfortable conversation, then it's done. I suspect you'll find that once you've mentally checked out, her actions really won't bother you as much.

I left a job due to awful boss last year - such a relief, even though new job ended up being very full on due to covid.

My awful boss told me i should have let him know that i was looking for another job rather than simply give notice - i told him i hadn't as it would have very awkard if i hadn't got it, which he was not impressed by, but his dicky reaction reminded me of why i was leaving.

Congrats on your escape, you're definately right not to let her know that you're leaving because of her, will be obvious to colleagues, and you're unlikely to be the first who left because of her.

You could always go the old classic "Sorry for your loss" card, with "it's me. I'm leaving." Inside.

I think tomorrow I'm just going to email her asking for a catch up as I have an update on me. I've written down some points and I'm just going to keep it succinct, professional and without any emotion. If she starts saying she's disappointed etc then I'll just say that it's unfortunate but people do move on and they will find a good replacement which I can help with if needed.

I dont think from what you say that giving the courtesy of handing you notice in in person is going to stop her from trying to undermine your confidence - in fact I'd probably say the opposite. You are just giving her invitation to attack!

I usually say ‘I’m sorry to do this but I am handing in my notice’ your notice starts from the day after you notify your employer so 4 weeks from Wednesday you will be free. Once you have the conversation send an e-nevtongs i yourself up. ‘Just to confirm our conversation I wish to resign my position of xx. In accordance with my contract I will work 4 weeks of notice and my final day of employment will be xx/xx/xxxx.’ Then you can start the countdown, each time she’s a nightmare just say ‘16 more work days!’ Or whatever is left.

How did it go OP?