Inheriting money should never be an expectation.

[NEVERQUIT3331]

It seems like a lot of people expect money to be given to them through inheritance e.g. parents, grandparents...

However, a lot of people who expect is are the same people who would say stuff like "I did not choose to be brought in this world" or "children owe nothing to their parents." If that is the case, then inheritance should also not be an expectation for you as you are a grown adult you should stand on your own two feet.

Also, some people are shameless they would actually tell their parents to leave money from them. That is selfish. If we loved our parents, grandparents, others etc then we would want them to spend their money having their best lives as life is short.

Just to clarify this is in response to those who expect things for free. It does not apply to people whose parents, grandparents CHOOSE to give them money, houses etc...

There are so many MN threads about inheritances where they are discussed almost as a right.

I think a lot of people imagine they will experience whole "reading of the will" scenario in a wood panelled office just like in a film

There’s a difference between:
Expecting: feel you have a god given right and entitlement to it
Expecting: know that it’s likely

My boyfriend “expects” (second definition) to inherit a quarter share - with siblings - of his mother’s house. His parents are open about their will. He’s already inherited a quarter share of his father’s half of the house (it was split due to potential care home fees).
His mother is in good health but very elderly. Her pension plus savings would easily cover bursting level care home fees to well over 100, given her current age. She has - in her own words - NOTHING to spend it on. Her kids would full support equity release and cruises and a Ferrari for her - she doesn’t want that. So yes, he expects an inheritance.

*nursing level

YANBU I don't expect anything and have based retirement on my income, savings etc.

Christmas a few years ago my sister and her husband gave my parents wills as a gift. We thought it was a joke present. She was deadly serious. She'd just started having children and I guess was ''thinking of the future''
Still makes my jaw drop😂 My mother's too.

Parents still haven't had them done yet. Bet the sister is sweating

@NothingIcando

Christmas a few years ago my sister and her husband gave my parents wills as a gift. We thought it was a joke present. She was deadly serious. She'd just started having children and I guess was ''thinking of the future'' Still makes my jaw drop😂 My mother's too.

Jesus. What was she wanting the wills to say? How do you move past a gaffe like that?!

NothingIcando

I don’t think many people understand how expensive carer/ care-home/nursing -home fees are either. Many won’t ever see these ‘inheritances’ because it has been spent on care in old age - and having seen relatives live to a very old age after a stroke, with dementia or the frailty of old age, I would hope that such money is spent to help the person have the best quality of care possible and the dignity and safety that comes with that.

YANBU.
I hate it when people are already deciding what they will do with their inheritance, unless your family are super rich then a lot of the time there are no guarantees.
I will always remember my colleague telling me how she didn’t get a penny after her parents died due to such expensive care fees resulting in having to sell their home to pay for the care.
There are 4 of us and my parents have separated and one remarried with adult step children too so I’m not expecting very much at all. Also I want my parents to enjoy their lives not scrimp and save in their later years to fund their adult children’s futures.

She's a very strange person. nothing was said afterwards. I think my mum made an awkward joke but sister was serious. ''Everyone should be prepared'' that sort if thing.

Of*

I expect not a penny from my parents and would happily have inheritance tax set at 100%. It's amazing how many people want a meritocracy but then are insisting that they should be able to pass down large estates tax free. People should make their own lives what they want through work and not rely on inheritance and unearned wealth.

I expect in the context of likelihood - there's a beloved elderly relative who is very elderly and lives in a house in such an expensive area that even care home fees won't burn through the lot (unless she sets a new world record for age).

I don't "expect" it in the sense that I have a god given right to it. It's her money to do with as she wishes until she's dead and until the money is in my bank account I have no right to it or claim upon it because it's not mine.

The word "expectation" has multiple connotations.

This is the same woman with a 7 seater car but all her children's seats need to be in the middle row so she and her husband will have dad in his 60's CRAWL through the boot of the car like a dog, to get to the back seat. Rather than take out a baby seat. But that's a different thread sorry for hijacking op!
As you were

@NothingIcando

Christmas a few years ago my sister and her husband gave my parents wills as a gift. We thought it was a joke present. She was deadly serious. She'd just started having children and I guess was ''thinking of the future'' Still makes my jaw drop😂 My mother's too.

Did she fill them in as well?

Like someone else, I am often gobsmacked at the attitudes on some threads about the expectation that parents will often scrimp and save to leave something for their children.

My children were told many moons ago that their father and I provided them with a good start in life, a good education, higher education, and the wherewithal to make a good life for themselves. And they should expect to use it that way because if we got any warning of imminent death, we were blowing every penny we had! Unfortunately it is just me now (widowed) but that is still my intent - I am not wealthy by any means, but given the opportunity I intend to misspend my last months/years. After all, I didn't misspend my youth (too busy studying) so I have to make up for that. The kids are welcome to misspend their old age on their own dollar!

I wouldn't "expect" inheritance but I know I will receive some from grandparents and parents, provided it's not needed for care.

Personally I couldn't imagine spending all money on myself and leaving none for DS to inherit.

@NothingIcando

Parents still haven't had them done yet. Bet the sister is sweating

Why would she be sweating? If they don’t use the wills then the worst that can happen is that the two of you will have a slightly more difficult admin job in splitting the estate between you when the second of your DPs dies. In fact if your parents have significant assets apart from the marital home DSis is probably more likely to inherit from the first parent to die if they are intestate than she is if they make wills. If they had eg a BTL property and savings then under intestacy the surviving spouse only inherits the first 270,00 and 50% of the rest, while the the children would split the remainder.

@NothingIcando

Christmas a few years ago my sister and her husband gave my parents wills as a gift. We thought it was a joke present. She was deadly serious. She'd just started having children and I guess was ''thinking of the future'' Still makes my jaw drop😂 My mother's too.

Merry Christmas! Here's a will - time to think about your death.

That's possibly the worst Christmas present ever. And my DH once bought my MIL paper for her printer.

Hmm yes h only my mother likes to use my likely inheritance from her as a reason why I don't need to go back to work.

I do find the English and US “they can leave the lot to a cat’s home if they want” attitude interesting because you all seem to take it for granted that this is obviously morally and legally correct and anyone who thinks different is outrageously grasping. Globally speaking it’s a very unusual approach.

NothingIcando how on earth do you move past that.

I don't know how much people expect to inherit as people with loooads of cash often give some away before they die in order to help avoid inheritance tax.

I was with my mum and dad - at their request - when they made their wills so I knew everything was left to me, I just didn’t know what comprised their estate. Same with ours, we’ve got four between us and they know they’re getting 25% each, equally they don’t know how much that will be. We don’t either, it might all have gone on care home fees by the time we drop off the perch.

I think a will as a gift would be outrageous coming from someone who would get nothing if the recipient died intestate, like a domestic partner or a stepchild. But from a child who would otherwise receive a large share of everything it’s weird as hell but not cheeky.

I would have loved my Dad to spend some money on himself but he was happy in his own home. Fortunately he didn’t need to go into care (fortunate for him) so my brother and I inherited his house and his savings.

I do have slight guilt now that I have it and use it as a buffer.

I hope and pray that I won’t need to go into a home so that my dd can have our house.