Inheriting money should never be an expectation.

[NEVERQUIT3331]

It seems like a lot of people expect money to be given to them through inheritance e.g. parents, grandparents...

However, a lot of people who expect is are the same people who would say stuff like "I did not choose to be brought in this world" or "children owe nothing to their parents." If that is the case, then inheritance should also not be an expectation for you as you are a grown adult you should stand on your own two feet.

Also, some people are shameless they would actually tell their parents to leave money from them. That is selfish. If we loved our parents, grandparents, others etc then we would want them to spend their money having their best lives as life is short.

Just to clarify this is in response to those who expect things for free. It does not apply to people whose parents, grandparents CHOOSE to give them money, houses etc...

[pucelleauxblanchesmains]

"In some countries it's illegal for a parent to disinherit a child, and I do think there's something in that.
I was abused as a child. I do not want to lay it out on the internet. I have two younger siblings who weren't abused because I got the full brunt of it." Very similar situation here and agree.

[MiddleParking]

@bp300

Surely it depends on the circumstances of the familly and how they made their money. If your parents inherited a few billion then I can see why you might expect some sort of inheritance to be left for you. If your parents made the money by working hard in a factory you would probably want them to enjoy their retirement.

People who inherit billions unfortunately have a funny way of convincing themselves that they earned it by working hard.

[toconclude]

@LadyIsabellaWrotham

I think that MN posters overestimate the chance of estates being all eaten up with care (if the deceased is a home-owner) . Very few people last five years in a care home which is what it would take to use up an average house cost.

This. And the proportion of older people needing full time/residential/nursing care isn't in fact all that high.
www.mha.org.uk/news/policy-influencing/facts-stats/

[Tal45]

If your parents have a house and money I don't think it's strange to expect to inherit something - I certainly do! I also think parents always want better for their kids then they had so it makes sense to want to pass something on - I certainly want that for my ds.

[littleredberries]

@pucelleauxblanchesmains

"In some countries it's illegal for a parent to disinherit a child, and I do think there's something in that.
I was abused as a child. I do not want to lay it out on the internet. I have two younger siblings who weren't abused because I got the full brunt of it." Very similar situation here and agree.

Very sorry you experienced similar 😔

[Coachee]

I don’t expect to inherit anything, and have had no financial support from my parents in my adult life.

That’s not to say that I don’t think my dad is a selfish tosser. He had an affair, left my mum, screwed her over financially and then is leaving everything he has in his will to his new wife. It’s not the way I would behave.

[Helenahandbasket1]

This is such an emotive topic and often not even about the money.
My mother has been quite bitter and upset about her late DF’s will for a number of years. Her DF left the family when she was almost in her teens, her DM did not cope and she had to take on many adult responsibilities which derailed her education and had a long standing detrimental impact on her life. When her DF died leaving his estate in a complicated trust that only really benefits his relatively new and much younger wife she was devastated. In part, she definitely thought she was entitled to the money to make up for his selfishness when she was young but it also felt like a rejection all over again.

[Sceptre86]

My mum has already given me some jewellery that I had always liked of hers as my inheritance. There could be money but I don't expect it and certainly am not banking on it.

The best things my parents have given me is drive, a strong work ethics and the education to he able to go out and make my own money. My own children will no doubt receive different bits of my jewellery but we intend to downsize when all our kids move out and any equity may well be shared between the kids or used by us doing the kind of holidays we dream of.

I hope to give my kids strong foundations so that they can achieve themselves for themselves, the bank of mum and dad will not be available to them as adults unless in dire straights. If they want to buy homes they can save for deposits as we did, it means making sacrifices and living within their means which are not bad lessons to learn.

[ThatWouldBeEnough]

I don’t really understand most inheritance tbh, but then I come from a family where there probably won’t be one.

Obviously passing on your house as estate if you haven’t had to sell for care homes makes sense. But those who have massive amounts of cash - why aren’t they spending it or gifting it while they are alive? It doesn’t make sense to me that you inherit while you are older and in less need but the money has been sat in a bank somewhere while you are young and struggling with mortgage/deposit/childcare fees and it would make a bigger difference then.

The pp who’s DGM is 104 and DM is 75 for example. It would make much more sense to me for the inheritance to skip a generation (at least).

[GaryUnicorn]

We don’t have DC, and probably have in excess of £1m of assets. Will be leaving DN’s £5k each, and the rest goes to charity. One of the the DN jokingly hinted about leaving them a fortune. They are going to be hopping mad when we go...

[AvocadosBeforeMortgages]

The pp who’s DGM is 104 and DM is 75 for example. It would make much more sense to me for the inheritance to skip a generation (at least).

The other good reason for skipping a generation is inheritance tax, where applicable. Sending it straight from DGM to the grandkids means it won't get taxed again when DM dies (and nor will it potentially be lost to DM's care home fees).

Wills can be varied with the agreement of all beneficiaries, so even if DGM left everything to DM, she could vary the will and send everything straight to the DGC without it touching DM's accounts.

There's a tacit agreement that this will happen within my family - the DGP have had a very good innings, DC are comfortably off and don't need the cash (mortgages paid off etc), but DGC & DGGC are at the stage of life where it'll mean being able to buy a home (and aren't the sort to blow it!)

[Weenurse]

My attitude to money is DP earned it, they can spend it.
DM left school at 14 to earn a living and has never had much.
She has her home, but in my mind, that will be sold to pay for care.
Same for FIL.
I would prefer they left enough to pay for funerals, but I have a plan for that as well.
I did inherit some from an Uncle. I have put money aside to help pay for DM care fees when the time arrives. A small amount was set aside for DC, the rest spent to pay off our mortgage.
My experience of people expecting an inheritance has been in hospitals.
Patient is deemed no longer able to go home and is in need of residential care.. Family then state that they can’t afford it and can’t possibly sell the family home, as that is their inheritance! ( In Australia, you can still get care without selling the house in some cases.)
I remember 1 patient waiting months ( in a private hospital) for a government funded bed in a care home, as family refused to sell the house for care. Rules have changed now and family get charged if people are left sitting in a hospital bed after 35 days.

[Pupster21]

I don’t expect it but it would be nice. With the age my family are inheriting it would be nice if they passed it on but I don’t expect it.
My IL’s inherited £300k in their 30’s and it was life changing for them. They’re now 70 and likely to inherit 60-70k soon.
My parents are soon to be 70 and all their parents are still alive so they may or may not inherit depending on care needs of my grandparents.
If me and DH inherit given the age our relatives live until we’ll likely be late 60’s at the earliest so I’d pass it down a generation.

[EileenGC]

I don’t expect anything because my family have always been very open about finances and I know there simply isn’t anything to inherit. I recall a £50k house in the middle of nowhere in a developing country where my grandma comes from - it’ll probably devalue to £10k by the time my parents die, and it’ll need selling to pay for their care, should they need any. No pensions or savings. Another thing I will inherit is the £100k mortgage on the family home that won’t be paid anytime soon. They’re currently paying £200 a month and nearing retirement, so the debt will jut become ours once my parents pass. Yay!

I think if you’ve always had expectations of an inheritance, or thought there would be something coming your way, then it can be disappointing receiving nothing.

[pollylocketpickedapocket]

@Wavingnotdrown1ng

I don’t think many people understand how expensive carer/ care-home/nursing -home fees are either. Many won’t ever see these ‘inheritances’ because it has been spent on care in old age - and having seen relatives live to a very old age after a stroke, with dementia or the frailty of old age, I would hope that such money is spent to help the person have the best quality of care possible and the dignity and safety that comes with that.

Nice theory but expensive care homes have the same minimum wage staff council ones do.

[RandomLondoner]

I think IHT an abhorrence because the tax has already been paid. I am cool with tax (I’ve paid a lot of it) but I don’t see why my already taxed wealth should be taxed again.

You're misunderstanding how tax works, we don't tax wealth, we tax income. Income is money that is moving from one person to another. Generally money gets taxed every time it changes hands. Inheritance tax does not in any way breach this general rule, as the money in question is changing hands. (It's an irrelevant administrative and legal technicality whether the giver or receiver of money pays the tax, the tax is still on the flow. For example, both employer and employee NI are taxes on the salary flow-of-funds.)

[Alsohuman]

@RandomLondoner

I think IHT an abhorrence because the tax has already been paid. I am cool with tax (I’ve paid a lot of it) but I don’t see why my already taxed wealth should be taxed again.

You're misunderstanding how tax works, we don't tax wealth, we tax income. Income is money that is moving from one person to another. Generally money gets taxed every time it changes hands. Inheritance tax does not in any way breach this general rule, as the money in question is changing hands. (It's an irrelevant administrative and legal technicality whether the giver or receiver of money pays the tax, the tax is still on the flow. For example, both employer and employee NI are taxes on the salary flow-of-funds.)

It’s strange how people think money is only taxed once, isn’t it? Income tax, then VAT on already taxed money. Council tax, another tax from money already taxed. Two lots of tax on petrol paid for with already taxed money. The government gets more of our income than they leave us with. If only they spent it wisely.

[BJHair]

When my mum passed away her half of the house was given to me and my sister with my
Dad having a lifetime interest so he can stay in the house .
We all agreed and did a deed of variation so that my son will get what was given to me in my mums half of the will and the same for my dads half
I have no need for it ( mortgage free and relatively wealthy )
I would prefer my son to have it
If it’s 25 percent it will be around 200k
If it’s a full 50 percent ( my dads half as well ) then 400k
So my son knows that at some point he will inherit a large sum of money
But he is still saving for a house

[Skysblue]

Depends where the money came from a bit.

My grandfather inherited loads from our wealthy ancestors. He had a very easy and privileged life. He tried to use the money to control our life choices, and when that didn’t work, gave it all to a non family member he’d recently met.

I don’t see it as ‘his’ money that he earned, I see it as money that our mutual ancestors earned and tried to pass down to their line of descendents, and he broke his moral obligation to continue the chain imo.

If someone made all of the money themselves then that’s a bit different...

[TheMirrorofHerDreams]

My best friends parents - became moderately well off after they invented a thing. They both left their jobs in their mid forties and shuttled between two homes - one of which was abroad. Had ok cars and a nice but modest lifestyle.

The children (who they had young) hadn't grown up with the wealth but did seem to have this general expectation that they would come into some of the money as a form or inheritance.

The parents died unexpectedly and my friend, who was the executor got everyone round her house. The family turned up for what they thought was some 'reading of the will' thing but essentially it was so she could provide everyone the opportunity to review the whole bundle of estate documentation to prove that the parents had been hovering on the edge of bankruptcy for years and years - there was not a penny.

Essentially the money for the invention had run out after 30 years because though it was very large sum, they had stopped working based on the calculations used for their rent and outgoings at the time. So every purchase (inc the buying the houses) and bill just ate into the capital. Though they hadn't been flamboyant with the money - running two largish homes, traveling back and forth and every single bill, tax or upkeep cost for years and years and years- costs more than you think. In the end they were keeping their lifestyle with loans and credit and it was just a house of cards waiting to fall down.

The siblings/grandchildren were shocked and then became angry because they all thought they were going to get 'something'. They had worked out the sale value of both houses so 'thought' they had a general idea of what everyone was going to get and did not react well to 'losing' the money they expected.

[JudgeJ]

@NothingIcando

Christmas a few years ago my sister and her husband gave my parents wills as a gift. We thought it was a joke present. She was deadly serious. She'd just started having children and I guess was ''thinking of the future''
Still makes my jaw drop😂 My mother's too.

Were they actually pre-written just needing their signatures?? With people like her nothing would surprise me!

[thatwasme22]

''People should make their own lives what they want through work and not rely on inheritance and unearned wealth.''

but this too would cause unfairness as some people are much more intelligent and better at working etc. and likely to become wealthy in their careers.

[sammylady37]

Another thing I will inherit is the £100k mortgage on the family home that won’t be paid anytime soon. They’re currently paying £200 a month and nearing retirement, so the debt will jut become ours once my parents pass. Yay

Why will you ‘inherit’ the mortgage debt? If there isn’t an insurance policy in place to cover it then surely it’s the bank’s problem, they’ll sell it and recoup what they can. You won’t be expected to clear someone else’s debt. Unless I’m misunderstanding and you want to buy the house after they die, which is a different thing to inheriting a mortgage debt?

[thatwasme22]

''And they should expect to use it that way because if we got any warning of imminent death, we were blowing every penny we had! Unfortunately it is just me now (widowed) but that is still my intent - I am not wealthy by any means, but given the opportunity I intend to misspend my last months/years. After all, I didn't misspend my youth (too busy studying) so I have to make up for that. The kids are welcome to misspend their old age on their own dollar!''


but it is not about 'blowing every penny'. IOf parents have money they can and should live comfortably but there's a difference between that and living foolishly. Not to mention it is MUCH harder to get on the property ladder today than in previous generations so why would parents not want to ensure their kids are left safe?

[Kpo58]

@Hophopandaway

I expect not a penny from my parents and would happily have inheritance tax set at 100%. It's amazing how many people want a meritocracy but then are insisting that they should be able to pass down large estates tax free. People should make their own lives what they want through work and not rely on inheritance and unearned wealth.

Even if you did put inheritance tax at 100%, it still wouldn't mean that people wouldn't be relying on inheritance or unearnt wealth.

People would still send their kids to private schools, give a deposit or buy their children a house of their own outright whilst still alive and promote them through the family business.

I think that the arguments around inheritance is rather a red herring. The people that the 100% tax would penalise are those with very moderate wealth because they own a house, not those who can afford to give lots of money away whilst still alive.