Inheriting money should never be an expectation.

[NEVERQUIT3331]

It seems like a lot of people expect money to be given to them through inheritance e.g. parents, grandparents...

However, a lot of people who expect is are the same people who would say stuff like "I did not choose to be brought in this world" or "children owe nothing to their parents." If that is the case, then inheritance should also not be an expectation for you as you are a grown adult you should stand on your own two feet.

Also, some people are shameless they would actually tell their parents to leave money from them. That is selfish. If we loved our parents, grandparents, others etc then we would want them to spend their money having their best lives as life is short.

Just to clarify this is in response to those who expect things for free. It does not apply to people whose parents, grandparents CHOOSE to give them money, houses etc...

[BackforGood]

I agree with thatwasme22

People on this thread seem to be suggesting that, in order to leave their dc something (usually proceeds from the sale of their house) that they must live frugally for their retirement. That isn't the case at all. Many people who were able to retire on a good pension or who had saved for their retirement can, and do then go off on lovely holidays, and do treat their Grandkids to things they didn't have the money to treat their own dc to. However, if they own their own home, then that is usually a tidy sum for whoever they decide they would like to give it to.
There is a lot of string between these 'billionaires' people are talking about and 'pensioners in poverty'.

Plus, we actually have savings because we are frugal. We had very little money when we were in our twenties. Now we can afford to spend more frivolously doesn't actually necessarily mean we want to spend frivolously. I don't intend to wait until I go, but it would actually give me MUCH more pleasure to be able to give my dc something towards a house deposit, than it would to buy a fancy car or spend the ££££ I see some people spending on a handbag or a facecream over in S&B. It isn't a 'sacrifice' on my part, it is my choice.

[EileenGC]

@sammylady37

Another thing I will inherit is the £100k mortgage on the family home that won’t be paid anytime soon. They’re currently paying £200 a month and nearing retirement, so the debt will jut become ours once my parents pass. Yay

Why will you ‘inherit’ the mortgage debt? If there isn’t an insurance policy in place to cover it then surely it’s the bank’s problem, they’ll sell it and recoup what they can. You won’t be expected to clear someone else’s debt. Unless I’m misunderstanding and you want to buy the house after they die, which is a different thing to inheriting a mortgage debt?

Because this house is in another country. The laws there state I inherit any debt too. Obviously when that time comes, I will get professional legal advice on how to refuse the debt. But I’m not holding out too much hope, seeing what some friends in similar situations have been through.

[workwoes123]

I do “expect” my parents to want to pass something into my sister and I. Because they have always been generous, and because it’s how I feel towards my own DSs. I want to pass something on to them. They want the rewards of their hard work and luck to pass onto us, and then to our children, their grandchildren. That’s how families work, for me.

[osbertthesyrianhamster]

YANBU

[yellowdenim]

A woman I know is so reliant on an expected inheritance that when her broker asked how they intended to pay off their mortgage eventually as it was over a longer term she explained that they had a big inheritance coming when fil passed (he’s not ill or even particularly old).

I’m not sure whether that’s ignorant, entitled or just plain stupid to not plan for your own future within your current means. If he needs care they’ll be fuming.

[Boopeedoop]

I've told my parents to spend it on themselves. They earned it. I can earn my own money.

My sister will be the opposite. Probably why she is better off than me 😂

[Rewis]

Well, my parents live in a country where there is a legal obligation to give inheritance to the children. Of course they could spend absolutely everything before they die (which I strongly encourage) but if there is anyhting left they have to leave it to us. I'm absolutely not counting on inheritance and I want my parents to live their full life and spend as much as they want.

I agree that nobody should expect inheritance but I secretly do think that if you have money and you make a will where you leave nothing to your kids or grandkids is a bit of an FU assuming you have a good relationship and expect them to be there for you when you are older.

[thatwasme22]

''People on this thread seem to be suggesting that, in order to leave their dc something (usually proceeds from the sale of their house) that they must live frugally for their retirement. That isn't the case at all''

This and yes the attitudes in inheritance threads towards it are always bizarre. There was a thread about a month ago where the poster's parents inherited millions in the mid 80s and the poster was roasted for being resentful that apart from a house deposit and private schooling they had spent the rest, not invested it and many posters said they were right to 'enjoy it'.

Eh people can live very comfortably and 'enjoy it' without spending like they are the Beckhams. I don't get this notion that parents must live on beans and toasts to pass on assets to their kids;this is so inaccurate. Likewise I can't understand all the threads which say parents should spend everything and nobody should get an inheritance. In addition many people here assume that people will need the money to fund old age care which is fair enough but the reality is that most people do not go into care homes and many people pass without needing much(if any) care in their demises.

[LuaDipa]

@LolaSmiles

There’s a difference between:
Expecting: feel you have a god given right and entitlement to it
Expecting: know that it’s likely
I agree with this and think on some threads some posters can be quite unpleasant when they deliberately choose to ignore the second understanding of 'expecting'in favour of the first in order to stick the boot in.

I also agree. I fully expect that my siblings and I will inherit my dm estate because she has told me that this is the case. I don’t rely on this inheritance, we have sufficient money already, but I understand that the thought of being able to help us after she has gone brings her a lot of comfort. As a parent it makes absolute sense to me.

[Mittens030869]

I agree with you as well. My DM is 81 and is well off as a result of running a successful business for some years and then selling it. She might spend it all on the charity work she does, going to and from West Africa (not this year because of Covid). I’d rather she carried on with what she’s doing as long as she’s physically able and is fulfilled by it.

But it’s not being grasping to say that I’m expecting that some day there will one day be some kind of inheritance for my family and my DSis’s as well.

[IamnotH]

@Groovee

My dad died last year. My dad left everything to my mum.

My dad's eldest saw a copy of the will but only paid attention to the part that said "in the event both die at the same time, everything will be split 4 ways!" They are now sat waiting for their share which will never come!

As long as my mum is ok financially that's all that matters to me.

Nice. So your half sibling will receive nothing from his father's estate?

This is the reason that if I die half my estate is held in trust for my children. I couldn't be sure DH wouldn't remarry and leave money he'd inherited from my death to a new wife disinheriting our children unintentionally.

[Zenithbear]

"My dad died last year. My dad left everything to my mum.

My dad's eldest saw a copy of the will but only paid attention to the part that said "in the event both die at the same time, everything will be split 4 ways!" They are now sat waiting for their share which will never come!

As long as my mum is ok financially that's all that matters to me."

Yeah I bet it is.
Nasty smug post.

[Mittens030869]

That was a nasty post, I agree. Hardly surprising that that poster hasn’t come back to justify themselves.

[JeanClaudeVanDammit]

I fully expect my parents’ estate (their house, basically) to be used to pay for care home fees, that’s what has happened with any older relatives in my family who had any assets.

[YouokHun]

Very wise @IamnotH. What happened to one of my oldest friends should stand as a cautionary tale, this is long, sorry (a few details changed):

I think my friend’s parents started off with no money when she was small but her father built a consultancy business and made a lot of money. When she was 13 he was killed in a car accident. His business died with him as it was built on his expertise. However he’d left a Will and my friend’s mum inherited everything and ended up wealthy but very unhappy being single. When my Friend was about 16 her mother met a new man, he had two marriages behind him and two children from each marriage. He was a bit difficult to pin down on what his job was but it was something in sales that paid OK. All his money rightly went to support his children who were at expensive schools and he had a small property that provided some rental income but day to day living was covered by my friend’s DM and he had quite extravagant tastes. Then he lost his job so she was (very happily) helping him day to day financially and he occupied himself by doing her finances and investing for her. My friend’s only problem was she felt ostracised from her family home as the new man’s kids weren’t nice and treated my friend’s kindly and a bit unaware DM with no respect. They got married, he pushed hard for it. My friend’s mum was happy with him doing the finances and sorting out money as she didn’t want to deal with that side of things and she trusted him. He must have got her to write a will at some point.

Then my friend’s mum was diagnosed with cancer, it was rapid. She asked her second husband to “take care” of my friend and her sibling financially and make sure all her keepsakes and jewellery was passed to them and he promised her and she totally trusted him to do the right thing. She died when my friend was 20. We were at university at the time, not at an age where we were thinking about wills or inheritance. The DM had evidently created a generic Will passing everything to her new husband with the assumption he was going to pass on property to her children and with, my friend thinks, a letter of wishes, stating her children should receive jewellery, furniture, family heirlooms etc. Within 3 months of her death my friend came home from uni to find him in the house with a new GF who had moved in. Within a couple of years he stopped communicating with my friend, always trying to start arguments, trying to engineer a falling out, denying that there were any instructions or letter of wishes. He then sold the house and the letter of wishes never did materialise. He went off with the new girlfriend to live in France. My friend isn’t hurt about money but I remember her telling me that as a teenager/twenty-something she hadn’t thought about finances and just thought she would be catered for in some way, and hadn’t realised how silly her mum had been. It’s all quite a long time ago but it evidently still hurts that she has no photos or mementos. She saw her DSSis on FB and saw in her profile pic that she is wearing my friend’s mum’s engagement ring, given to her mum by my friend’s dad and now the ring is on a total stranger’s hand and the money has been diverted away from the children of the first marriage.

What her DM should have done is get some advice and listened to some of her friends who tried to advise her at the time to see a solicitor. She could have left the house etc in a trust, giving the second husband a right to live in the property but ultimately passing it to her children. She didn’t and her own children were shafted.

[CheerfulBunny]

The way I've heard people talk about what they expect when their parents die has shocked me over the years. Its always struck me as cold. I never expected anything as my parents struggled with money. However both died relatively young so my sibling and I inherited their house. Its a lot more than I ever thought I'd have so I feel weird about it, as if it's not really my money.. given the choice, I'd have them back instead in a heartbeat.

[Dramstam]

My friend thought she’d inherit from her dad. He was quite wealthy, owned a large house in the south east plus a holiday house in Cornwall. However, her dad remarried in his 70’s and everything went to his new wife when he died a few years after the wedding. When she died she left everything to her nephew saying he was her only blood relative. So my friend inherited nothing of her dad’s money.

[AmandaHoldensLips]

I'm not expecting to inherit anything either. My sister and her husband are far too busy emptying my mother's bank account.

[MadMadMadamMim]

I am aware that my parents have left their house and money split equally between their children (as I have for my own).

That would be lovely. Frankly, it's probably the only thing that will save me from a poverty stricken old age on a fairly poor pension.

However, I am also aware that they may at some point need to go into a nursing home. My MIL is 95 and has been in a home for 10 years now. Nothing (except, sadly, Alzheimer's} is wrong with her. She may well last another ten years or more. There will be no inheritance at all.

Inheriting from my parents is not an expectation. My siblings and I will share whatever is left, but it may well not be the entire worth of their home. They may have little left after care costs.

[Mulletsaremisunderstood]

Kpo58

I think that the arguments around inheritance is rather a red herring. The people that the 100% tax would penalise are those with very moderate wealth because they own a house, not those who can afford to give lots of money away whilst still alive.

Exactly....the very wealthy will always find ways to pass on their wealth, just as they find 'legitimate' ways to avoid paying other taxes. Most wealthy people give plenty of other advantages to their children - private schools, jobs in the family business etc etc.

In reality, a high inheritance tax would mostly penalise the middle earners, who couldn't afford a tax lawyer and trusts to find a way around it.

And no, I don't want 100% of whatever I have left at the end of my life to go to the government, I don't trust them not to p!ss it up the wall.

Why shouldn't the majority of it go to my family?