Inheriting money should never be an expectation.

[NEVERQUIT3331]

It seems like a lot of people expect money to be given to them through inheritance e.g. parents, grandparents...

However, a lot of people who expect is are the same people who would say stuff like "I did not choose to be brought in this world" or "children owe nothing to their parents." If that is the case, then inheritance should also not be an expectation for you as you are a grown adult you should stand on your own two feet.

Also, some people are shameless they would actually tell their parents to leave money from them. That is selfish. If we loved our parents, grandparents, others etc then we would want them to spend their money having their best lives as life is short.

Just to clarify this is in response to those who expect things for free. It does not apply to people whose parents, grandparents CHOOSE to give them money, houses etc...

[saraclara]

I don't expect anything (and won't get anything). But I did think there's a difference between expecting something and being hurt if a will deliberately leaves you out.

My mum was an only child, and though my grandmother lived semi-independently, she relied heavily on my mum who boosted every day for years and cared for her. My grandma however was a very bitter person in old age, and regularly fell out with my mum for spurious reasons.
When she died, we discovered she'd left everything, including her house, to a charity that she'd been vocal about not approving of.

I think you'd have to be a saint not to be hurt by that.

[saraclara]

Boosted= visited

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

@Carryonlikeaporkchop

There are so many MN threads about inheritances where they are discussed almost as a right.

I think a lot of people imagine they will experience whole "reading of the will" scenario in a wood panelled office just like in a film

Um. I genuinely thought that was what happened

[queenofthenorthwest]

@JesusInTheCabbageVan I thought this too.

[abstractprojection]

There is a difference between expecting your parents money that they’ve earned as an inheritance, and expecting family money that was passed down into them to then be passed down onto you. It also depends if you’ve been told you can expect it or not, and what decisions have been made off the back of that.

My grandmother inherited a lot of money from my great grandfather who was an inventor. She persuaded my Mum to buy a property for herself with an interest only mortgage with the promise that it would be paid of LG once she died via the inheritance. My Mum did but after a falling out my grandmother tried to change the will and completely disinherit my Mum (just as she had already disinherited everyone else). Her solicitor told her that she had to leave enough to pay off the mortgage as he had witnessed this promise and a financial commitment had been made as a result. So my Mums mortgage was paid off and this was the only bit of the small fortune that my great grandfather had made that was kept in the family. My Mum has always promised this property to me as ‘it’s the last of the family money’ rather then something she worked for so unless something terrible happens I do expect to inherit but more for my own children then my myself

[KingdomScrolls]

Some of the attitude is from your background though, my parents both left school at 14, no qualifications lots of siblings and DF in particular he up very very poor. They have worked their backsides off their whole lives to buy a house, have security for their retirement. We were not well off when we were children, dad would work a lot of overtime and I remember my mum taking a second job cleaning at points so we didn't go without. They don't have extravagant tastes, they take holidays but nothing fancy, they have a car each (owned outright and worth no more than 12-15k for both). My dad is so proud that he has been able to set some money aside for my brother and I, that they have pensions they can comfortably live off and a good amount of money in the bank, plus a property they own. Truth is DB and I already earn a lot more than my parents ever did, but DFs view is in that case we can give the money to the grandchildren when we inherit. To him it was absolutely aspirational to be able to provide security for the next generations, something he certainly never had growing up. So I do expect I will inherit something, hopefully much much later in life and should my parents ever need care we have a home big enough to accommodate that and plans to extend. I guess if you grew up with money it means nothing to give it all to a donkey sanctuary, but to my dad it means he has made a success of his life, coming from a really rocky start.

[userxx]

@saraclara

I don't expect anything (and won't get anything). But I did think there's a difference between expecting something and being hurt if a will deliberately leaves you out.

My mum was an only child, and though my grandmother lived semi-independently, she relied heavily on my mum who boosted every day for years and cared for her. My grandma however was a very bitter person in old age, and regularly fell out with my mum for spurious reasons.
When she died, we discovered she'd left everything, including her house, to a charity that she'd been vocal about not approving of.

I think you'd have to be a saint not to be hurt by that.

Wow. How spiteful, your poor mum.

[cheeseandpicklesandie]

I don't expect with my parents. I have this feeling carers coming or homes will eat away at the small amount they have saved. Their house will be very hard to sell and spilt with my sibling if not sold before. I imagine it won't sell for half as much as they bought it for ( the only time it has sold since it was built by the first owner.)

My parents both inherited a lot from their parents and were planning what to spend on years before they died. God knows what they have spent it on not me for sure, but they had planned an extension and said when it was quoted that it would of taken all their savings. So they didn't go ahead. It wasn't much as a tiny extension.

[ChubbyLittleManInACampervan]

I know a few people who speak openly about all the money they’ll inherit, and even how inconvenient it is that their parents keep living so long (instead of dying in their 60s so the inheritance could be used for school fees ). Not kidding.

Lots of people are weird about money

[cheeseandpicklesandie]

@ChubbyLittleManInACampervan I think it's hard if money is tight and to think you might get a lump when older yourselves and you don't need it. Who needs a big house once the kids have left home. We seriously struggle to even buy clothes for our two, and it's hard when you have wealthy parents who don't help, it can strain an already strained relationship . But as others say it not to be expected, but sadly a lot of people don't have a good relationship with theirs.

[Tinydinosaur]

I think most people's hurt over inheritance comes not from the lack of money but the clear indication of how their loved ones feel. It's putting a figure on how much your parents care about you compared to everyone else. What percentage of their love do you get and is it equal to your siblings.

[ChubbyLittleManInACampervan]

@cheeseandpicklesandie yes, but quite a difference between being able to buy clothes, and being able to afford private school fees

[Penners99]

My children will inherit a few item but no money or property.

[Diesse]

@Hophopandaway

I expect not a penny from my parents and would happily have inheritance tax set at 100%. It's amazing how many people want a meritocracy but then are insisting that they should be able to pass down large estates tax free. People should make their own lives what they want through work and not rely on inheritance and unearned wealth.

I think IHT an abhorrence because the tax has already been paid. I am cool with tax (I’ve paid a lot of it) but I don’t see why my already taxed wealth should be taxed again.

[Hophopandaway]

*I think IHT an abhorrence because the tax has already been paid. I am cool with tax (I’ve paid a lot of it) but I don’t see why my already taxed wealth should be taxed again.
*
But we get taxed twice on a variety of things already. We pay capital gains tax on shares outside of an ISA or pension that was brought from taxed income. You pay tax on savings interest too. look I pay a lot of tax too but I believe all income should be taxed and income unearned to the recipient should be taxed too. And don't get me started on the exemption of primary residence for IHT relief that blatantly creates distortion and keeps people in homes too big for them reducing the incentive to downsize.

[SeaSalt1979]

I absolutely agree that no one should expect it but the reality in London and the South East is that most people I know who got on the housing ladder did so from an inheritance. Its almost like the system now expects young people to get lack inheritances from their grandparents to put them straight into their first flat. No idea how young people buy their first place in London without such help

[SpringTimeDream]

@Hophopandaway

I expect not a penny from my parents and would happily have inheritance tax set at 100%. It's amazing how many people want a meritocracy but then are insisting that they should be able to pass down large estates tax free. People should make their own lives what they want through work and not rely on inheritance and unearned wealth.

This.

I feel many people rely on the money from others rather than their own endeavours

[DustyMaiden]

I expected an inheritance and got one. I wouldn’t expect it to be spent on care because I would and did do the caring myself.

I think older and younger generations should look after each other. I see no problem with family money being passed on.

[cheeseandpicklesandie]

My mum had a very wealthy aunt with no children, husband already gone. She left a good million to the dogs home. Great for them. Nothing to my mum, one of those things. It's her choice and she was in another country most of her life, but I think it's nicer to give to someone at least related to you. My mum was kind to her, she visited us here in the UK. Mum would call her weekly, but I don't know if that as money motivated or not?

[Nocaloriesinchocolate]

My hated mother quite rightly inherited all my beloved father’s assets but cut me out completely in her will. Financially I didn’t mind a bit - I didn’t need the money and it was far better left where it was. What did hurt so very much was that it felt as though my beloved father had rejected me. I know intellectually that that’s nonsense, but it took many years to accept this emotionally.

[WindyRose]

Unfortunately DH died suddenly in his early 40's, his DM and 2 sisters expected the 'reading of the will' (as previously mentioned) immediately after the funeral. Still in shock, I missed the cues from them wanting to speed things up as they had to drive several hours home, so they demanded we 'start'. Start what, I asked? Yes, they were serious and to this day I don't remember what I said, but they left shortly afterwards.

When the realisation of what they expected hit, I have to admit I was angry...angry at their expectation that a son should leave his estate to his mother and sisters and not consider his own family. If things had gone as they expected my teenage children and myself would have been out on the street and homeless. Like any young family we were not wealthy and just able to make ends meet by working hard and long hours, but we still needed a roof over our heads not give it all away.

Our solicitor was astounded and assured me this was far from normal as generally entitlement works in the reverse...adult children expecting an inheritance from the parents.

Needless to say their relationship towards us was strained for some time, which I thought was sad because if one of their husbands had died there would be no way I would expect an inheritance from them.

When it comes to money, the worst comes out in a lot of people...sad, but true!

[Zenithbear]

When it comes to money, the worst comes out in a lot of people...sad, but true!

Especially other people's money!
I also know of some friends and their siblings who inherited from their aunt and uncle and their mother got very interested about what they were going to give her. She had spent all her money and expected her dc to give her some of the inheritance money. There was a lot, I think they gave her £500 each to shut her up but had to say there won't be any more.

[Mydogisagentleman]

Unless they need to go into a nursing home, my parents are going to leave me and my sister quite well off.
I encourage them to spend their money and to be fair, in more normal times they are away more than they are at home.
Our only DD is so irresponsible we have already made arrangements for our estate to be managed by a solicitor and her to be given £1k a month allowance.
If she had it all in one go she would buy a helicopter or hovercraft

[SpiderinaWingMirror]

The whole thing about providing care. My db feckrd off the states 20 years ago. My sister says the right things but takes no action. Mum has moved close to me and I'm very happy to help her with bills and phone calls and do a bit of washing for her. I have no intention of making sacrifices and physically caring for her, nor would she want me to. I'm especially not doing it to preserve my siblings inheritance.if every penny goes on care, so be it!

[bp300]

Surely it depends on the circumstances of the familly and how they made their money. If your parents inherited a few billion then I can see why you might expect some sort of inheritance to be left for you. If your parents made the money by working hard in a factory you would probably want them to enjoy their retirement.