Inheriting money should never be an expectation.

[NEVERQUIT3331]

It seems like a lot of people expect money to be given to them through inheritance e.g. parents, grandparents...

However, a lot of people who expect is are the same people who would say stuff like "I did not choose to be brought in this world" or "children owe nothing to their parents." If that is the case, then inheritance should also not be an expectation for you as you are a grown adult you should stand on your own two feet.

Also, some people are shameless they would actually tell their parents to leave money from them. That is selfish. If we loved our parents, grandparents, others etc then we would want them to spend their money having their best lives as life is short.

Just to clarify this is in response to those who expect things for free. It does not apply to people whose parents, grandparents CHOOSE to give them money, houses etc...

[bathorshower]

I know what my parents' wills say as I'm their executor - the vast bulk is left to me and my siblings. But I'm also aware that they may need complex care which could leave nothing to inherit - I'm certainly not basing my pension plans on receiving an inheritance; that seems incredibly unwise.

[Parkperson]

I know two families where their expectation of inheritance has meant they have tried to cosy up to family members they had gone non contact with. The first involved two children who disowned their father in their late teens because he dared to divorce their mother. All attempts at reconciliation failed. Their father tried for decades before giving up. They also cut ties with their beloved paternal grandmother. Sadly, the father died recently, thirty years after the split. The children
( now in late forties and early fifties) are asking for a share of their father's estate. They will get nothing. Their grandmother is still alive, in her nineties and from being poor, she is now very rich having recently inherited her brother's estate. All her monies will go to her other grandchildren on her death. She is ignoring sudden overtures from her son's children who refused in spite of entreaties to see her for the past thirty odd years.
I am also watching with interest as a friend whose DIL went NC with her. The DIL also ensured her husband and children had nothing to do with her for many years. My elderly friend has been adopted as a surrogate grandmother by her niece and the niece supports and looks after her. All my friend's considerable wealth will go to her niece. The son and DIL, after many years non contact are now suddenly anxious for a reconciliation. They have approached both the friend and the niece with a desire to put things right before my wealthy friend dies. It's not going to happen. You cannot cut someone off for 10 plus years then suddenly reverse the NC decision because the inheritance is now going elsewhere.

[Curlygirl06]

@SirPhillipsgroupie

The trouble is that these are very difficult, but important, conversations to have. My husband has a life-limiting illness and we are having to make some very difficult plans and assume I will need to manage a life insurance payout in the next few years to protect my own and the children’s best interests. The conversation with his parents about what will happen to his share of their estate if/when he dies before them would be a very helpful/significant bit of that jigsaw, but they are very much in denial that could happen and much too British and polite to have that conversation.

I've helped my mil a lot in regards to taking her backwards and forwards when fil was in hospital and later a care home.
She had to do a new will and I was with her when the solicitor was there. There was an issue re some of the grandchildren, and as I am the latest addition to the family ( second marriage for me and her son) I had no skin in the game regarding any grandchildren, so I made a very sensible suggestion, which both her and the solicitor thought was a really good idea. This is to show I've got a really good relationship with her.
Whilst fiddling about with various bits of her will she told me that if my dh dies before her, I don't get his share of any inheritance, it passes to his children, her actual grandchildren. Same applies to her other dil's.
I've no problem with that, it's out in the open, unlike an issue I had with my parents will which is still causing issues years later.

[Pepperminttea16]

I think if you choose to have children then you owe it to them to make their lives as comfortable as possible, which includes providing financially for them after your death if you are able.

I will never understand the mindset of parents who choose to have children and then at 18 expect them to be entirely financially self sufficient.

[Trisolaris]

I agree in principle, however, it does create a lot of bad feeling if money is left unequally between siblings, step siblings and first and second families. It just becomes a final symbol of love for so many people. I know that I wouldn’t care if my parents spent all their money before they die (they deserve to have fun) but would feel hurt if my siblings were favoured over me. (Unless one developed significant disabilities etc). I’d be surprised if they left it to charity but I don’t think I’d be that bothered as I don’t plan my life around expecting anything.

[Pepperminttea16]

I should say that doesn’t mean that you should bank your future on an inheritance because of the potential for it to be eaten up on care. My two siblings and I are to be joint executors of my parents will and when the time comes will receive 1/3 of whatever is left...however they have also helped us all out to buy houses because now is the time when we need the money, not necessarily in 20 years time.

[Higgeldypiggeldy35]

I think most people don't realise that a care home can be well over £1000 a week. My gran lived until 96 and was in a care home for several years. That's roughly£370000 on care home fees. You'd have to have a lot of equity in a house and lots of savings for there to be anything left over from that. And that's with for one person. Double it if both need care.

[1dayatatime]

@Hophopandaway

I expect not a penny from my parents and would happily have inheritance tax set at 100%. It's amazing how many people want a meritocracy but then are insisting that they should be able to pass down large estates tax free. People should make their own lives what they want through work and not rely on inheritance and unearned wealth.

Completely agree - inherited wealth is the biggest cause of continued social inequality between generations.
I have no objections to people becoming seriously rich in whatever is their profession from their own hard work provided it is legal and morally acceptable.
The problem lies with significant housing, land and money being passed down repackaged as either agricultural holdings or a Limited company to avoid inheritance tax.

[GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER]

If we loved our parents, grandparents, etc. we would want them to spend their money having their best lives as life is short..

My mother used to say, ‘I’m only saving it for you lot,’ which made me ask often enough, why on earth she didn’t treat herself to this or that instead.

Answer, while she was comfortable and always had she had what she wanted or needed, her wants were fairly modest - she genuinely didn’t hanker after a lot of expensive or extravagant things. I think it gave her pleasure to think of what she was eventually going to leave to ‘us lot’.

As I’ve got older, I understand her attitude more and more. We are comfortable, but the idea of me and dh extravagantly blowing the lot - or even much of it - on ourselves, is simply unthinkable. I like to think that what we eventually hope to be able to leave to dds, will make their lives easier and more comfortable.

I dare say a lot of older parents who love their children feel much the same.

[ShanghaiDiva]

Db and I are the only beneficiaries of our mother’s will.
Imo the most important thing is that she has sufficient funds to enjoy her twilight years and that may include funding care. If she spend every single penny on maximising her enjoyment of her final years that that is wonderful.

[BackforGood]

There’s a difference between:
Expecting: feel you have a god given right and entitlement to it
Expecting: know that it’s likely

This ^
I think most people would be foolish to rely on an inheritance to cover you rather than paying into a pension (I mean, I'm excluding people like the children of the Duke of Westminster), however, thinking that it is probable you'll come into 1/3 of the value of your parents' home when they die, isn't that strange a concept for normal families who don't have all the drama and fall outs some people on the relationships boards seem to live through.

[Silverfly]

My parents are in their early 80s. They're not loaded, but they own their house which is in an expensive area so will be worth a fair bit. If it hasn't been eaten up by care home fees, I'm "expecting" the money to come to me and my brother, in the sense that I would be very surprised indeed if the will says anything else.

DH and I are in our mid/late 40s, both in good jobs, financially stable etc. We don't need an inheritance, so I will see it as being for the benefit of my DC (for house deposits, uni fees etc).

[LolaSmiles]

There’s a difference between:
Expecting: feel you have a god given right and entitlement to it
Expecting: know that it’s likely
I agree with this and think on some threads some posters can be quite unpleasant when they deliberately choose to ignore the second understanding of 'expecting'in favour of the first in order to stick the boot in.

[User322495y]

I don't expect it from my parents but as a parent I wouldn't want to leave anything I had to leave to anyone but my children.

[SpiderinaWingMirror]

Depends on expectation though.
I know that my mum has left everything to be split equally between me, my dbro and my sister. She is early 80s and has liquidated her assets and has 300000 odd in the bank, ready to make her next few years as good as they can be and then pay for the best care should she need it. She is renting a retirement flat but wont buy one as they are a poor investment and hard to sell. I am not unreasonable to expect to get a third of what is left. I would be utterly unreasonable to count on 100000 turning up at some point.

[lazylinguist]

There’s a difference between:
Expecting: feel you have a god given right and entitlement to it Expecting: know that it’s likely.

I agree with this and think on some threads some posters can be quite unpleasant when they deliberately choose to ignore the second understanding of 'expecting'in favour of the first in order to stick the boot in.

Exactly! I expect to inherit from my parents, because it is likely to happen, and I will be very grateful if it does. However, they are obviously at total liberty and very welcome to do whatever they like with their money.

[Ellpellwood]

There’s a difference between:
Expecting: feel you have a god given right and entitlement to it
Expecting: know that it’s likely

Yes. I'm an only child and I've seen the will as I'm the executor.

I'm not "expecting" as in waiting for anything. We bought a house years ago and are overpaying the mortgage so we'll be done paying by around age 50.

[BluebellsGreenbells]

GM is 104
DM is 75

Good job she didn’t wait for an inheritance for schools fees, house deposit or retirement!

Im 50’s house nearly paid off and kids about to go to university - can’t see any inheritance in the near future, so we do what everyone else does and save for our own children.

[lockdownalli]

@Hophopandaway

I expect not a penny from my parents and would happily have inheritance tax set at 100%. It's amazing how many people want a meritocracy but then are insisting that they should be able to pass down large estates tax free. People should make their own lives what they want through work and not rely on inheritance and unearned wealth.

agree with this totally

[Tangledtresses]

I'm an only child my mother hasn't made a will as she fully expects her estate to go to me... nothing wrong with that.... I told her to spend it enjoy herself she didn't need to leave me a penny!

[CuntyMcBollocks]

@Hophopandaway

I expect not a penny from my parents and would happily have inheritance tax set at 100%. It's amazing how many people want a meritocracy but then are insisting that they should be able to pass down large estates tax free. People should make their own lives what they want through work and not rely on inheritance and unearned wealth.

So you would rather the government have every single asset that a person has, rather than someone deserving in their family have it? There's a BIG difference between expecting an inheritance and between someone wanting their wishes fulfilled when they pass away. My DM's pension enabled my brother and I to both get on the property ladder, and she gave some to all of her grandkids. Why do you think that nobody should have the right to decide what to do with their own possessions? We didn't EXPECT an inheritance, but it was our DM's wish to see us all provided for. Your comment is ridiculous 🙄

[Mummadeze]

I know my parents will leave whatever is left to me and my sister jointly. My sister is a multi millionaire and I am a non house owner in quite a good job but live to my means. But I think that is completely fair as they want to treat us equally. And if my parents spend all their money enjoying their retirement (which looks quite likely) then I am happy for them. They gave me a great education and have been very generous throughout the years. They still won’t let me pay for meals if we go out. I am expecting nothing and very strongly feel it is their money to use as they wish. I don’t like the idea of people expecting anything from anyone. Forge your own path.

[DastardlytheFriendlyMutt]

@NothingIcando

Christmas a few years ago my sister and her husband gave my parents wills as a gift. We thought it was a joke present. She was deadly serious. She'd just started having children and I guess was ''thinking of the future''
Still makes my jaw drop😂 My mother's too.

This is disturbing to me. The preoccupation with someone else's assets and money your entire life. It makes zero sense. Instead of focusing on your own situation and making the most of your life. If I spent my life waiting on an inheritance my parents could be in their 90s before they died and I would be in 70s. It makes no sense to spend 50 years of adulthood waiting on something.

I really find it distasteful to hear people talking of and planning on spending an inheritance whilst their parents or GPs are alive.

[JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows]

I agree but I also think it's ok to be pissed off if the parents who you became personal carers for in the last 5 years of their life, on top of a full time job and small children, they leave all their money and estate to the Dog's Trust

[JeanneDoe]

I hope my parents live long happy lives and spend all their money. I imagine that we will get left their houses but equally they may well sell everything to fund their old age which is entirely their right. I don’t plan on having them live with me and they don’t plan on it either.