Inheriting money should never be an expectation.

[NEVERQUIT3331]

It seems like a lot of people expect money to be given to them through inheritance e.g. parents, grandparents...

However, a lot of people who expect is are the same people who would say stuff like "I did not choose to be brought in this world" or "children owe nothing to their parents." If that is the case, then inheritance should also not be an expectation for you as you are a grown adult you should stand on your own two feet.

Also, some people are shameless they would actually tell their parents to leave money from them. That is selfish. If we loved our parents, grandparents, others etc then we would want them to spend their money having their best lives as life is short.

Just to clarify this is in response to those who expect things for free. It does not apply to people whose parents, grandparents CHOOSE to give them money, houses etc...

[HoboSexualOnslow]

My parents haven't got any money so I only expect to inherit their funeral bills. Must be very different if you're not poor.

[LadyIsabellaWrotham]

I think that MN posters overestimate the chance of estates being all eaten up with care (if the deceased is a home-owner) . Very few people last five years in a care home which is what it would take to use up an average house cost.

[Groovee]

My dad died last year. My dad left everything to my mum.

My dad's eldest saw a copy of the will but only paid attention to the part that said "in the event both die at the same time, everything will be split 4 ways!" They are now sat waiting for their share which will never come!

As long as my mum is ok financially that's all that matters to me.

[Alsohuman]

@LadyIsabellaWrotham

I think a will as a gift would be outrageous coming from someone who would get nothing if the recipient died intestate, like a domestic partner or a stepchild. But from a child who would otherwise receive a large share of everything it’s weird as hell but not cheeky.

It’s made me think actually. I looked after my parents a lot at the end of their lives and was horrified to discover they hadn’t made wills “because there’s only you, you get it all”. One day my dad said he wished there was something he could do for me so I seized the opportunity to say there was and off to the solicitor we went.

[NothingIcando]

Why would she be sweating? If they don’t use the wills then the worst that can happen is that the two of you will have a slightly more difficult admin job in splitting the estate between you when the second of your DPs dies. In fact if your parents have significant assets apart from the marital home DSis is probably more likely to inherit from the first parent to die if they are intestate than she is if they make wills. If they had eg a BTL property and savings then under intestacy the surviving spouse only inherits the first 270,00 and 50% of the rest, while the the children would split the remainder

Simply because she's a control freak and feels she is superior.
Everyone should do as she says as she's highly intelligent and knows things we couldn't. The woman is mad. Micromanages her children to the point its painful to watch.

She just likes to have people do as she wishes.
.

[Zenithbear]

No one should ever rely on future possible inheritances to enable them to buy a house, retire, upsize or anything else.
I know of several people who have been promised money and it is dangled in front of them to retain control over them.
One spent half of their lives expecting a free home but it was used for care home fees. One thought he was going to retire early because of his very rich relatives. He did end up receiving a huge amount but he was almost 70 by the time they obliged him.
One of my siblings is also waiting for their inheritance from our parents because they have never sorted themselves out financially. However my parents are mid 80s and going strong. Another relative who was a horrible person had their dc falling over themselves to compete with each other to do the most for their parent. They left the house to charity and the dc got to share the money - about £3k each.
Karma surely?

[NothingIcando]

It’s made me think actually. I looked after my parents a lot at the end of their lives and was horrified to discover they hadn’t made wills “because there’s only you, you get it all”. One day my dad said he wished there was something he could do for me so I seized the opportunity to say there was and off to the solicitor we went

Oh I absolutely get this. We should all have a will and many leave it til it's too late. I just dont think Christmas morning wrapped in fancy paper is the time to bring it up

[Soothes]

I have a colleague who is relying on her husband's inheritance instead of making pension plans. It just seems so risky to me. They might not see that inheritance until they're past retirement age themselves, it could be spent on care (or cruises), it could be lost in some mad investment scheme or left to the cats home.

I genuinely hope my parents live such a full and active life that it's all spent by the time they go, but also know there's a good chance it will go on care costs.

[LadyIsabellaWrotham]

@Groovee

My dad died last year. My dad left everything to my mum.

My dad's eldest saw a copy of the will but only paid attention to the part that said "in the event both die at the same time, everything will be split 4 ways!" They are now sat waiting for their share which will never come!

As long as my mum is ok financially that's all that matters to me.

Are you OK with your half-siblings receiving nothing from their father if your mother dies without spending all the money?

[Alsohuman]

@LadyIsabellaWrotham

I think that MN posters overestimate the chance of estates being all eaten up with care (if the deceased is a home-owner) . Very few people last five years in a care home which is what it would take to use up an average house cost.

Easy done if there are two of you. Our house would cover slightly more than two years each. Some people last six months, some people go on for years. It’s a lottery.

[lazylinguist]

I find posts like this odd, because they seem to suggest two extreme camps - people who expect an inheritance as an automatic right and would be disgusted if they didn't get it. And those with the (presumably correct according to the OP) attitude of assuming you will get nothing until you actually get it.

Whereas I'd have assumed that the majority of people (like me) with good relationships with their parents would be virtually certain that any money left (after care fees etc) would come to them and their siblings. So they expect it, not because they demand it or feel entitled to it, but because they know that's what is most likely to happen because that's what their parents would want to happen.

[LadyIsabellaWrotham]

Relatively rare for both of a couple to be in a care home at the same time though Alsohuman.

[Alsohuman]

@LadyIsabellaWrotham

Relatively rare for both of a couple to be in a care home at the same time though Alsohuman.

My parents were. 🤷‍♀️

[Soothes]

I don't think it's that unusual for one parent to require care and then the other later on?

[n00bie]

I’ve actually had the reverse of this. My dad has told me not to break my back trying to pay off my mortgage early as I stand to inherit off him, and I should put that against the mortgage. He’s early 60s and in good health, and I have a bit over 20 years left on my mortgage. Hopefully he’ll still be around when I pay it off, or he might be spent up anyway by then as he retired early. I know not to rely on any promised inheritance.

[GenderApostate19]

I inherited nothing from my parents, my Dad’s estate went to a couple of his step children, my DD was a baby at the time and got £500.
We’ve just inherited half of FiL’s estate, we never planned for that money as it could have easily been swallowed up in care home fees. It means that DH can retire 2/3 years earlier than planned and we will have substantial savings for the 1st time ever.
We’ve given DD a large share now, it’s more use to her right now, it’s meant she has been able to move out of an expensive rental and buy a much bigger house.
I expect that DD and our Grandson will inherit our house, should one of us need care then there should be enough in pension funds to cover it.

[Lampzade]

Agree Op
I am always shocked by posters who have worked out what they will receive from an inheritance , despite the fact that the benefactor is alive and in good health.
I fear that some will be disappointed as it is likely that most of the inheritance will be used for care home fees . Also, people lie about who they intend to give money.
My dh’s friend’s father died a few years ago. The father had a London house worth over one
million pounds. He left £500, 000 to his church and the rest was to be shared among his five children. His children were furious as the father had never given any indication that he intended to leave money to the church.
My mother is quite wealthy. I have told her to spend her money

[SimonJT]

An ex used to visit his elderly aunt every fortnight to butter her up as she wanted to inherit, she was very wealthy and didn’t have children. She did pass away and split her money between friends and a charity, but she left sentimental items to the ex.

He attempted to challenge the will, wanker.

[IndecentFeminist]

The only exception I see is for example within my extended family at the moment which doesn't sit right. The parents have just inherited a fair whack, and so are retiring early (both early 50ies, kids not quite at uni yet) in order to have some fun. Which is all well and good, but means that in effect they are planning on burning through all of their inherited wealth (neither high earners, both work in HE) and neither saving nor providing any support to their kids.

[pointythings]

YANBU at all. My late husband didn't expect to inherit anything when his mother passed very suddenly - none of her DC knew she had anything but the bare minimum. We were fully prepared to contribute to the cost of the funeral - instead he inherited a substantial amount.

My DSis and I always encouraged our parents to enjoy life and make the most of what they had while they could. Then when my dad developed Parkinson's and related dementia, we knew a lot of money would go on specialised care for him. When my mother died (again, suddenly), she was about to be compulsorily admitted into residential care because of her dementia, and DSis and I had set those wheels in motion, including payment for her care. We inherited because that part of it didn't happen. We were always financially independent in our own right.

I'm planning not to use any kind of care, but one way trips to Switzerland aren't cheap either, which is why I'm arranging gifting to my kids right now, while I'm likely to make the 7 year post give survival time (barring unforeseen circumstances).

[Soothes]

Remarriage is really risky for people relying on inheritance. Even where there's no family drift or large care bill.

Say, Mum dies relatively young. Dad remarries after a suitable interval. Will leaves everythihg to his wife (fairly normal). She outlives her husband by a decade or so, by which time his children are a distant memory to her and "his" money is very much hers. She leaves everything to her children. (Also normal).

It's quite difficult to avoid without disinheriting his wife.

[Alsohuman]

they are planning on burning through all of their inherited wealth (neither high earners, both work in HE) and neither saving nor providing any support to their kids

I don’t see any problem with that. It’s their money.

[NothingIcando]

CrazyNeighbour I didn't say she did it for the money.
I said she likes to tell people what to do in general and control things.
I don't think the money (if there is any) was much of a thought to her.

We were shocked because it was given as a christmas gift my shit-bag parents will get to it eventually I'm sure 🤣

[sammylady37]

There’s a lot of people on mumsnet who display a staggering sense of entitlement to other people’s money, it never ceases to amaze me. And there’s always a cacophony supporting them, telling them to go demand xyz is in the will, blackmail them with threats of going NC, not providing any help later in life etc. It’s repulsive, IMO.

I’ve seen it in my own family- I’m in my 49s, never married, no children and I will never marry or have children. I’m also better off than most of my siblings, and a few of them have made comments about what they expect me to write in my will. It’s absolutely reprehensible. The majority of my estate will be going to 2 charities close to my heart, the remainder will be spilt between people close to me- some of those are family, some are not and not all family are included. Unsurprisingly, those who are commenting now and feel they have a right to inherit from me are not the ones close to me who will be inheriting.