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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is my DN being rude?

64 replies

Kitfish · 10/04/2021 20:03

My DN gets married next week. She is 30 and, because of Covid restrictions, is having a small wedding. As a result I have not been invited. Fair enough and I fully understand. I wanted to show my love and support (and that I was OK about not being invited) and so sent her £200 as a wedding gift last week along with a card. She would have got this several days ago - but I am still waiting for any form of thank you or acknowledgement. It takes 30 seconds to send a text - and she is 30 not 13 so I would hope would know better.

AIBU to think this is rude - or should I expect to not be acknowledged yet (or at all)?

OP posts:
DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 10/04/2021 20:05

She might not have even opened it yet!

marchez · 10/04/2021 20:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Totallyworthit · 10/04/2021 20:05

Thanks you cards are generally sent after the wedding. Maybe she wants to thank you properly rather than sending a text?

Joinedjustforthispost · 10/04/2021 20:06

If you haven’t heard by a few days I’d message her mentioning that you were concerned as you sent her a check in the post and feared it’s been taken .

MattHancocksSexDungeon · 10/04/2021 20:06

Perhaps she is waiting until after the wedding and will send a formal “thank you” then? I know several couples who did similar (admittedly pre-Covid) and the thank-you note was a wedding photo card.

trilbydoll · 10/04/2021 20:07

We got wedding cards in advance but didn't open them until the actual wedding. Felt like tempting fate otherwise!

Teddyandsuzie · 10/04/2021 20:07

I agree that thank you cards are normally sent after the wedding.

She may be waiting to send you a card with a photo, especially as you could not be there in person.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 10/04/2021 20:08

Most people do thank yous after the wedding. You wouldn’t expect a thank you for a birthday present before someone’s birthday, would you?

ChaosMoon · 10/04/2021 20:09

I've only ever known people to send thank yous after the day, and many people wouldn't open any cards until the day or even just after.

OverTheRainbow88 · 10/04/2021 20:09

I would wait and open on wedding day so maybe she’s doing the same

Allwokedup · 10/04/2021 20:10

I would assume she hasn’t opened it yet.

Iloveacurry · 10/04/2021 20:10

She’s probably not opened it yet or will do thank you notes after the wedding along with other thank you’s. So I think you’re being unreasonable to be honest.

bloodywhitecat · 10/04/2021 20:11

I am guessing the card hasn't been opened yet.

BlueDahlia69 · 10/04/2021 20:11

Same as everyone else, she likely won't open it until the Wedding Day or next day.

Mistressinthetulips · 10/04/2021 20:12

I would not and did not open wedding cards until the day - and I wouldn't send the thank you's till after the wedding.

6543336787gesgvjhg · 10/04/2021 20:12

We opened all our cards after the wedding and then sent thank you cards!!

notagainmummy · 10/04/2021 20:12

She will also be busy and stressed with 101 things

SmidgenofaPigeon · 10/04/2021 20:15

Arghhh I remember getting a really horrid ticking off from my aunt once, she’d sent me £100 for a birthday which was lovely. I didn’t text her. I wrote her a beautiful thank you card two days later instead as I thought that was the better thing to do! Literally as I was putting a stamp on it she sent a very sniffy text asking if I’d received it and did I plan to say thank you. Obviously then when she got the card she thought I’d only done it because she’d text!

It was ungracious of her. Just wait!!

Coriandersucks · 10/04/2021 20:16

She may be waiting to open it after the wedding, as someone else said why would you open it beforehand? Plus it’s tempting fate. Then she will probably want to do formal thank yous after the wedding, she might feel embarrassed having opened it ‘early’. Or she could just be an ungrateful cow. You know her best but maybe give her a chance.

TheWaif · 10/04/2021 20:17

Why would she open the card before the wedding?!

LastRoloIsMine · 10/04/2021 20:17

I would think opening the wedding gifts is something they will do as a married couple so will send out thank yous after the wedding.

Don't they say its better to give than receive?

spidermomma · 10/04/2021 20:18

She may have thank you cards for people after the wedding that's what a lot of people do and when ever I get given cards early their always kept to the date it's due to be opened then il say thanks. I'd just wait ???

SoddingWeddings · 10/04/2021 20:18

We didn't open any cards or gifts until the day after the wedding.

fistasledge · 10/04/2021 20:19

3 things

-post is still taking a lot longer than it should do. I posted my DM a bday card first class and it took 4 week days to arrive

-it is completely normal to set aside all cards sent for the wedding and open everything together once married.

-it is also entirely normal to send out formal thank you cards and not texts

YABU to expect her a thank you so soon

FangsForTheMemory · 10/04/2021 20:19

Surely she'll do all the thank you letters/cards after the wedding?