To move dc school again so I can afford to buy a better house

[fluffypinkcarpets]

We sold our house last year and are currently renting. Everything has been an absolute nightmare since.
Dc is in year 3 and at their second school which they moved to in year 2. The move was tough and dc was quite unsettled for a while.

We moved to this area because prices were more affordable than our old area and we were looking at much nicer properties than what we sold. Then dh lost his job but managed to get a new one thank goodness but on much lower pay.

This coupled with house prices increasing at an astronomical rate now means we are now priced out of the properties we originally thought we'd be buying.

Now dh has been told by work he only needs to be in London max 2 days a week with no international travel the rest wfh. This is so good compared to how it used to be he was never home. I'm also wfh so we want to get a nice home that we can enjoy being in much more but can only achieve this on our budget by moving to a different county, which means moving schools again. Our only dc has said please don't do this to me again it is too hard to go to a new school again.

It's the only thing that's making me take a step back. Anyone done this? I feel bad. They'd be going into year 4. If we don't do this it means moving to a worse house than what we had before and in an area we aren't even that keen on now as a result.

Of course it’s fine. They’ll get over it in time and it’s the right thing to do long term.

Thanks. My dc is really putting on the dramatics and having only one dc makes me feel more guilty than if they automatically has a sibling they were moving with at the next school.

I don’t think it’s dramatic that he has shared he doesn’t want to move again. Having moved several times as a child it sucks and I wouldn’t do it to my own children as know a stable base is very important.

It would be different if no choice but to move just for a nicer home knowing how much it impacted last time is very different.

For a child it is easier to move at beginning of new school year. It is very hard too move mid year as friendship groups are more established.

Are they settled in the new school?
I also moved a few times as a child and it really is horrible. I think sometimes it's fine and can even be positive. But it wasn't for me. Although I did get over it I said I'd never do the same to my child.
How far away is the new county? Can they stay at their current school (even if it is a bit of a drive?)
Then move again just before year 7?

He is still primary , I would go for it if it means you can move to an area with a house you like and schools you feel you (and DC) would be happy with till the finish of secondary.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

I don’t think it’s dramatic that he has shared he doesn’t want to move again. Having moved several times as a child it sucks and I wouldn’t do it to my own children as know a stable base is very important.

It would be different if no choice but to move just for a nicer home knowing how much it impacted last time is very different.

I agree with this.I don't think your DC is being dramatic at all. Their concerns are valid. Since the last move was so recent they're obviously still thinking about how difficult it was for them.

Don't underestimate how difficult it is, not every child just gets over multiple moves. They need stability and to feel they can settle. They will be waiting for the next move if you move again. Thats very unsettling and can hinder forming real friendship bonds. I moved my children once and would never do it again. That need and deserve the trust and reliability that they won't be shifted to yet another school. Don't dismiss him as being dramatic. That is very unfair. Talk to him not to persuade him but really listen to how he has felt with the current move so you really understand why he dosnt want to do it again.

I would probably wait until secondary school age, and move to the desired area then. Although DS would still have to move without his friends.

Listen to your child, with all the disruption in education over the past year, another move at the moment would not help him.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

I don’t think it’s dramatic that he has shared he doesn’t want to move again. Having moved several times as a child it sucks and I wouldn’t do it to my own children as know a stable base is very important.

It would be different if no choice but to move just for a nicer home knowing how much it impacted last time is very different.

Completely agree with this. Your child isn’t being dramatic. I was that child who moved around schools, always the new girl, hard to make friends etc. It is more damaging than you think, even at that age.

Thing is the move would benefit you and your husband, to have a nicer place to WFH. Would it benefit your child? They're saying no and I'm inclined to agree (as someone who moved primary a few times due to dad's work).

Could you find an all through school for your DC so give some assurance that this is the last move until gcse?

It doesn’t sound like your move is a necessity, more you wanting a nicer house. Three schools by year four is a lot and maybe you need to put your child’s needs first this time.

I wasn’t a child that moved around a lot, my mother was and for that reason she said she would never put us through a school move. I have had a few friends that moved between schools a lot as a child and none have commented upon it favourably, even as fifty year old adults.

I moved as a child and found it really unsettling and would try not to do it to my own children, on the other hand my siblings didn’t find the change as hellish as I did.

OP can't wait to secondary school age as admissions are in the autumn of year 6. If she tried to move in summer after year 6 timing is very difficult and he would be disadvantaged in secondary admissions.

Whilst I agree that he isn't being dramatic and you need to listen to and discuss his concerns, I don't agree that you shouldn't move. You are going to be moving house, if not school, anyway - and to a house you don't like, that isn't what you want, in an area that you don't want to live in. That house is going to be both a home and an office / workspace for both you and your husband. So is is important that it can be a comfortable space to be both a home and a working environment for all three of you, because it is going to be that for a lot of years to come. In truth, whilst you might be able to consider moving when he switches schools in a year or two - will you really? He's going to want to go to the secondary school that his friends go to. So you are still stuck where you are.

I think that he has to understand that he is part of a family, and that whilst he is being listened to, there are other factors that will determine what is in the best interests of everyone. So make him part of the planning. He can't have what he wants (or thinks he wants), so what's on his shortlist for the new house? And you need to accept and work with him to come to a compromise that gives everyone something of what they want, but with the clear understanding that in the end, as parents, you have to decide what is best for the family, and not him.

How well he handles this is, I think, about how well you handle him in treating him both honestly but as a responsible part of the choice.

Thanks. Ahh to all the pp saying don't move. Yes it's about getting a better home but it's also due to dh losing his job when we moved here that has resulted in this happening. Had that not have happened we would have already bought a house and this would never have been an issue.
Unfortunately it has happened as well as a worst case scenario with house prices.

Finding a school that goes all the way through sounds like a good idea and one we hadn't thought of. I will look into this as it might then not destroy all hope of establishing friendships.

The one thing I would say op is don't wait until Y7 entry to move, just to let him finish at Primary.

We've been there, done that and it was an awful decision. Going into Y7 knowing no one was so much more diffucult for dc1 and with hindsight we should have moved him in Y5 of primary.

Alternatively, dc2 moved schools in Y6. Terribly late. Far to late by many peoples standards and something we thought we'd never do. It was so much better for him and he slotted into his new Y6 class within a month, making the transition to Y7 much easier as he'll be going with friends to the huge scary new school.

Y7 is enough of a massive transition without doing it alone.

It’d be easier this hike if you can get your D.C. into a junior school that starts at year 4, so everyone would be starting at the same time. Lots of them will know each other from infants, but there’ll be other “new” kids too. That’ll make it a lot easier.

We moved house a LOT when I was little and I moved schools a LOT. It’s only hard when you start mid-stream. If you start at a natural joining points it’s a lot easier.

@Moondust001 I am also thinking that come year 6 the same situation will arise around dc not wanting to move to secondary without his current friends anyway.

But maybe they might be more mature by then to accept us moving.
Renting for that long will also cost us a lot of money. I don't think it would be overly wise to buy at a premium price right now when we definitely would want to move in 3 years at the end of year 6.

@ThatOtherPoster do these exist?! I haven't heard of a school starting at year 4 I will look into this too thanks

Wait - do junior schools start at year 3? If so please forget everything I’ve said, and I’ll go have a little lie down.

I agree with moondust. It’s important to listen to your son and make sure he understands that you’ve heard his concerns but ultimately YOU, the adults, must decide what is the best long term solution for your whole family.
He can be reassured that this would be the last move for him until they all go to secondary school.
I wouldn’t choose our forever home on the basis that my child is unsure about moving school. He will be moving school anyway in a couple of years. And you will be stuck in a property that you didn’t want.
Choose the new place, house and school very carefully and let him have his say. But he’s a child, you have to decide for him.

Hmm I think they start in year 3 @ThatOtherPoster but thank you anyway.