To move dc school again so I can afford to buy a better house

[fluffypinkcarpets]

We sold our house last year and are currently renting. Everything has been an absolute nightmare since.
Dc is in year 3 and at their second school which they moved to in year 2. The move was tough and dc was quite unsettled for a while.

We moved to this area because prices were more affordable than our old area and we were looking at much nicer properties than what we sold. Then dh lost his job but managed to get a new one thank goodness but on much lower pay.

This coupled with house prices increasing at an astronomical rate now means we are now priced out of the properties we originally thought we'd be buying.

Now dh has been told by work he only needs to be in London max 2 days a week with no international travel the rest wfh. This is so good compared to how it used to be he was never home. I'm also wfh so we want to get a nice home that we can enjoy being in much more but can only achieve this on our budget by moving to a different county, which means moving schools again. Our only dc has said please don't do this to me again it is too hard to go to a new school again.

It's the only thing that's making me take a step back. Anyone done this? I feel bad. They'd be going into year 4. If we don't do this it means moving to a worse house than what we had before and in an area we aren't even that keen on now as a result.

My ds frequently complains that he was moved at the end of Yr 6. Although we found a middle school so he had a year making friends before going to secondary.

He's an adult now and moved our dgs from his lovely primary to a bigger one in Yr 3.
When I expressed that dgs may be unsettled, as he was, he said ' He's a small dc, he'll be fine.'
Which just proves my ds's move couldn't have been as traumatic as he led me to believe at the time!

Remember this is not just about moving schools but moving houses/areas as well. It's much easier to do one without the other.

My parents did multiple similar moves when I was child. It had a huge impact on me in ways that I am still unpicking as an adult.
If you do go ahead and do it, at least recognise the impact that it will have on your child and do your very best to bed over backwards to help them settle, facilitate friendships etc. Do not (like some people on this thread) decide that he's a child so he just has to lump it and he'll make friends eventually.

You would be bonkers not to move. They are much more likely to settle at this age than later. At that age the kids all want to be friends with the new boy/girl

Every time a child moves school it puts them 6 months behind.

@SeasonFinale

You would be bonkers not to move. They are much more likely to settle at this age than later. At that age the kids all want to be friends with the new boy/girl

I don't think that's the case at all. Unfortunately friendship groups and leaving children out is pretty common year 3 / 4.

From experience it’s much easier to move whilst still in Primary school than move whilst in High School.

Your 9 year old child may hate moving to a new school but how will you feel when he leaves home eventually and you and your husband are stuck renting with no chance of getting on the property ladder? There are decisions you have to make for the whole family and a 9 year old's wishes would not trump future security for the whole family. Yes it will be his third school but he's young enough for his future exam prospects not to be damaged if you move now. My eldest son changed schools four times within a couple of years starting at about your son's age and he's now in medical school with a good circle of friends. One of the kids he met in the last school is probably the closest friend he has.

Id move. The stability of having a house you own Vs renting is what swings it for me. It's one more school move but with renting you could be moving every year, sometimes twice a year if the landlord wants their house back! Surely that would be more disruptive to your son?

I think you should absolutely take your ds's concerns seriously, the last move sounds like it was fairly traumatic for him. However you need a forever house you're going to be happy in and that is going to mean a move. You have have to be 100% sure you will not be moving again and assure him you will do everything in your power to make sure this is the last time.

Then you need to do everything you can to make this move a positive one and help him integrate. I find a bit of bribery can really sweeten this kind of situation for a child. What can you offer? A bigger bed room that he can choose how to decorate, bigger garden and a nerf gun selection to play with his new friends, a fantastic new hobby that he can start in the new area? Find a way to make this move a positive for him and with a positive attitude it might help everything go more smoothly for him x

No don’t move him ☹️ We moved a few times as a child and although I was up for it at the time, I have realised in adulthood that it really created a few big long term issues for me. He’s actually voicing to you that he doesn’t want to move. I always envy people who have friends they’ve known all their lives.

Definitely move unless there is some particular special need which will make a school move positively and identifiably harmful for him ?
He’s young enough that he’ll have an established friend set through a good amount of schooling anywhere you move to.
I think I lived in around 1 W different houses, changed countries 4 times by the time I was 9 - then it all settled. I’m sure at some point I or a sibling may have said ‘please not again’ but I don’t remember and even if so ffs unless you are harming him he’ll be fine surely ? We can’t run our lives by a child saying they’d rather not when huge family stuff necessitates moves.
Does the fact that he had trouble and managed it maybe mean he’ll be better equipped this time - can you help him see it this way a bit ?

I would not do this in the face of such an clearly articulated wish and in the context of an earlier disruption. I’d get everything in place to move before secondary school and rent until then.

Some areas of the country such as ours (south) have 3 tier systems where children move to middle school from yr 5-8 and then up to secondary .... not sure where you’re looking to move but could that system suit better with a potential move to coincide with going to middle school with others meaning your dc wouldn’t be the only ‘ new kid’ ....

Move. If it's to get forever stable home it's worth it.

@PixiKitKat yes that's a concern as well. I really don't like renting either. This will never be my home and any thing that goes wrong I would normally invest and improve in but instead we patch things up and stay with whatever as it's not our own house so there's no point.

I do feel horrible having to contemplate this. Dh is a really softie and wants to rent but the long term consequences could be even worse than what's already happened. What if prices continue to rise so we're entirely priced out of the market.

Mixed feelings, on the one hand you get your nice, forever home, which is a good thing for your child, but as other posters have said, not every child bounces back from multiple school moves. As a child we had a period where we moved house and I went to three schools in two years and it was so hard for me, I feel that a lot of the problems I have as an adult can be traced back to that time, however my siblings seemed to cope fine.

Could you move but drive DC to his current school, then you get the benefit of the nicer house, he doesn't get the disruption of moving school (which is horrible, I know from experience). The only downside is the school commute but it seems a small price to pay.

Get DC into some local activities (sports, cubs etc) and then chose a local high school when the time comes.

It's better to move now Year 4 than wait until Year 6.... if you need to move at some point, then go for it. DC don't understand mortgage or housing costs but they will appreciate mum and dad having more money to take them exciting places! Also few DC have same friends in secondary that they had in primary which is all about convenience and who they sit next to in class! My DCs enjoyed having new friends that moved into their school in years 4-6 at their primaries and also in the secondary schools. Nothing is insurmountable

Can you buy a house in the new area but then rent it out with a view to moving in either year 5 so they make primary friends or Year 7 for secondary.

It is probably worth doing some research as to where the primary kids go. If they are totally spread out then Year 7 is probably best. If they all go to the same one or two schools then a few years in primary may be beneficial.

In your situation I would do what is best for the entire family which means moving! Your child will adapt. They are still sooo young!

@MoiraNotRuby we've thought about this but the radius around the school is in an area that has shot up in price so much that even driving a long way away seems to now be out of the picture unless we seriously reconsider living in a not so great home and defeat the purpose of why we moved here in the first place.

Is there anywhere closer you could afford to buy a house so he could stay in his current school? Even if it meant a bit of drive.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

Every time a child moves school it puts them 6 months behind.

Can I ask where you get this piece of info from. That’s not been my experience as a teacher or a parent.

@MoiraNotRuby sorry just crossed post and seen your reply to a previous post.
It might be a less great home but at least you'd own it.

How far away will you be moving?
Also does your DC have any specific interests or hobbies?

What my friend did on relocating 30 miles for work was join the local to the new location trampolining club - it meant leave work early, pick up child from school, drive to club, McDonalds drive through tea and home, but meant her DD made a few new friends before they re-located, two of which were at DD's school/class after they moved and when she started school there. Neither were her best friends a year later but they were in the same invites to parties etc, and it really helped her settle.