To have lied to him?

[breadandwine33]

Started talking to someone 6 weeks ago and we have met once for a coffee.
No kissing or anything physical.
I started a job and it was full time,after having anxiety problems for years it was too much.
So luckily found a new job part time and started that.

I didn't really want to explain all this to a stranger and was waiting to tell him after our second date when I knew him better.

Anyway yesterday I got a text
"Why are you lying about working?"
"I have a friend who works there who is a manager and I asked about you and she said you left"

Why you lying?
I said sorry for not telling him I had switched jobs but because we barely knew each other I didn't want to get into things.

I didn't want to explain my struggles by text.
I wasn't lying about working there,I just didn't tell him I left.

We never really speak about work.
Just general questions what time we finish etc

Aibu ?

I looked up a date to check he was who he says he was. Too many people will say anything to get in your pants.

@StillCoughingandLaughing

That's a pretty big assumption that he "quizzed" his friend about OP.

He’d said in the message that he asked her about the OP.

"I'm seeing this woman who works at Tesco too, her name is Jane,do you know her?"

"Oh, you know Jane? She also works at Tesco ."

And many other ways.

A friend's friend started working at my workplace and my friend still asked her about me, despite knowing me for years. Was she stalking me?

@breadandwine33

I don't think you handled it well. It would have been better to say the new job was going well, rather than pretend you were still at the old one. If he's asked loads of questions you could have given non communal answers I got offered thus new jib & it sounded good'

HOWEVER, from your subsequent posts he sounds either controlling or very insecure & potential gaslighting/a liar.

Whatever...you'll be better off without him in your life. Finish it now before you get in any deeper!!

Get yourself a bit more sorted before getting involved with someone else 💐

I know I was foolish I just couldn't be bothered with all the questions.
I told him I go out for dinner and he went down my throat about wasting money and I should take a pack lunch etc etc

This friend isn't one of his close friends and she's corporate.

Oh just ditch him, you’ve only met him once!

Yeah you could’ve told him you moved jobs but his reaction/accusation that you’ve lied because you’ve moved to a new job is really over the top.

A more normal reaction would be, have you changed your job now? He’s virtually a stranger, you don’t have to tell him your every move!

Just block him and move on, you’re under no obligation to him at all.

A friend's friend started working at my workplace and my friend still asked her about me, despite knowing me for years. Was she stalking me?

But was it just ‘Oh, you work with Jane! How’s she getting on these days; not seen her in ages!’ Because that seems like a perfectly normal conversation when you’ve known someone for years.

Deliberately contacting someone to ask about their colleague you’ve met once? Creepy.

This is what I think is going on. He has trust issues and so is looking you up on every thing to check you out which feels quite invasive. You tell him about your work, he wants to check you out there as well then finds out you've left. He asks you how work is and you don't tell him you've left because you feel he will want to know every detail and it feels too invasive. He is actually asking you to test you and see if you say that you've left, you don't so to him you're now a liar and his distrust of you appears to have been proved correct.

I'd be worried that if he has trust issues this could become more and more of a problem as the relationship develops. He could become very, very controlling, please be careful.

I know I was foolish I just couldn't be bothered with all the questions.
I told him I go out for dinner and he went down my throat about wasting money and I should take a pack lunch etc etc

This friend isn't one of his close friends and she's corporate.

So he's a bit of a knob anyway and it's no big loss, then. The best thing to come out it is to think about how you phrase things or get past topics you dont want to get into in the future without giving a false impression that might put someone you actually like off.

I think it’s totally normal to look someone’s email up too.

If my friend said to me, I met a guy he’ works dor your company I’d immediately look to see who he was and what he did by clicking on his email address in the work directory. I don’t know a soul who would say gosh I better not because of privacy reasons. Total nullshit that anyone wouldn’t. And if I saw the man didn’t work there anymore I’d immediately tell my friend as It would be a major red flag if he was sitting lying to her face.

What I can’t get op is if he had all these things wrong with him, why were you so desperate for a second date? Why didn’t you just dump after the first one?

Don't apologise and don't explain or justify your life choices to him, he's barely a stranger. Ditch and block him on all platforms, he's an abuser waiting to inflict damage. You don't need this abuser in your life particularly with your anxiety as it'll make it worse.

He's done you a favour by showing his hand very early on in trying to control you. Sign up for the online freedom programme to recognise red flags before you get into a relationship with anybody. These men deliberately look for vulnerable women with anxiety & mh issues.

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

@breadandwine33

I think I've seen a thread before from yourself:you were in a full time job in a call centre having to sell stuff over the phone and the company didn't really care if people needed it or not?;If so I think we're all really pleased for you that you've found a job that's better for you.

As for this man;he's really no prize is he?;what he did was quite intrusive and well a little creepy.Honestly;I'd cut him loose and carry on with OLD;you'll meet someone else.

Please see your GP about your anxiety and get some help for it.

www.nhs.uk/mental-health/nhs-voluntary-charity-services/charity-and-voluntary-services/get-help-from-mental-health-helplines/

www.mind.org.uk/

It doesn't have to be black and white like one of you is 100% right and one of you is 100% wrong. You both sound wrong to me.

You told lies by letting him believe you still worked in a place you didn't. He treats life like he's an investigative journalist about to get a scoop. Dump him and move on.

If someone is making you feel uncomfortable by asking lots of questions either tell them to back off or ditch them. Don't lie and hide things, that just creates further stress later. It sounds like you don't know how to set boundaries and don't know how to deal with uncomfortable situations. Maybe you should take a break from dating until you've got that sorted because it's a brutal world out there and a lot of men from OLD are arseholes who'll take advantage of your weaknesses.

Also, why would you feel weird about his friend looking you up on instagram when you clearly have an open profile? An open profile is an invitation for people to look you up. If you don't want strangers watching your stories and looking at your posts then make your profile private.

After reading your updates, he sounds awful. Walk away.

I wouldn't necessarily believe the story about the friend looking you up either, or not exactly in the way he describes. He is snooping on you, cand sub consciously you had already picked up on that and were oritecring yourself.

Lots of people change jobs but you're under no obligation to keep a virtual stranger you've met once updated on your employment record. He sounds as though he may have stalker ish tendencies so it's actually quite a good idea not to.

These men you meet online who do this detective level checking up on people make me very suspicious. Are they trying fo find out if you earn enough money to bother with? Or pursuing some negative idea they have about women by trying to catch them out? Either way, he's shown so many red flags here I would tell him not to contact you again and block him.

breadandwine33

Just read your last update. Don't waste any more headspace on him. You have anxiety - I get it. You have no obligation to continue contact with him. You will find someone who doesn't judge you harshly and you feel you can be yourself. Don't lose who you are for the sake of a man.

Trust your gut.

Meant to type #sub consciously protecting yourself (by not over sharing with a near stranger). Phone fail!

Honestly if some dude I'd met once told me I was wasting MY MONEY by getting a Chinese I'd tell him to do one. Telling you to pack a lunch. I mean what. Time to block OP.

Why didn’t you just say you’d got a new job? Perfectly reasonable to do. Can’t understand why you lied tbh, though it was more by omission really.

It all sounds really immature TBH. Honestly don't waste anymore time, you shouldn't have lied and he shouldn't be speaking to you in that way. I would move on. Its such a short time I wouldn't give it anymore headspace, definitely not worth becoming stressed or anxious over it.

You left a job that didn't suit you, found a new job.
You would have explained this when you met again.
He calls you a liar, criticises you, spies on you & investigates your employment record.

Quick text - "This isn't working for me." Block & delete.
Don't waste anymore time on him.

Woah he’s a dick. Ditch him.

Looks like he showed his true colours in good time.