To have lied to him?

[breadandwine33]

Started talking to someone 6 weeks ago and we have met once for a coffee.
No kissing or anything physical.
I started a job and it was full time,after having anxiety problems for years it was too much.
So luckily found a new job part time and started that.

I didn't really want to explain all this to a stranger and was waiting to tell him after our second date when I knew him better.

Anyway yesterday I got a text
"Why are you lying about working?"
"I have a friend who works there who is a manager and I asked about you and she said you left"

Why you lying?
I said sorry for not telling him I had switched jobs but because we barely knew each other I didn't want to get into things.

I didn't want to explain my struggles by text.
I wasn't lying about working there,I just didn't tell him I left.

We never really speak about work.
Just general questions what time we finish etc

Aibu ?

You aren’t to blame; he sounds very intrusive and entitled.

And I agree with a pp that it sounds like you already anticipate an interrogation on things you mention and it’s stressing you out - I’d bin

Lies are a huge red flag for me, so I personally wouldn’t have gone on another date.

@breadandwine33

I only left on the 24th March so it's only been a couple of weeks. I know I'm probably to blame here

I don't think you're actually to blame. Something about this man is setting you on edge,making you defensive and sending your anxiety into overdrive. Not a great start for a relationship, especially only 6 weeks in.

He is a bit of a hypocrite tho as he told me he had been single for 4 years.
When on Instagram there was a picture of him and a gf a year ago.
Then he had deleted it.

Probably time to cut him loose and move on. Personally, though, I wouldn't appreciate it if someone didn't reveal serious health or mental health problems fairly early on in order to hook me (that's how I'd see 'know the real me, not the anxiety, because one's mental health is oneself, too) and would dump for that. I also won't date anyone who isn't in FT employment (bar retired people). But it sounds like some incompatibility here.

@breadandwine33

He is a bit of a hypocrite tho as he told me he had been single for 4 years. When on Instagram there was a picture of him and a gf a year ago. Then he had deleted it.

Oh, just get rid of him. Ghost.

Yeah end it now op, this hasn't started off well

I have anxiety,I don't think it's serious mental illness.
It's something that can affect me.
I am in employment.
I just moved jobs as sales were too much.

YWBU not telling him, roles reversed and everyone would he saying red flag on here. Seems a really odd thing to hide and if he was not interested because of your history of anxiety then why would you want to be with him anyway?

He is obviously unreasonable lying re xG so overall you clearly aren't really well suited if both of you are already lying to each other. I would just move on TBH.

It's hard to know if this has been blown out of proportion.

No one needs to know why you left a job. A simple "I've started a new job - the other replace wasn't for me" would have been fine.

His friend looking you up on the work email is pretty normal. I can understand why he thought you were lying - from his point of view you had. You told him you worked somewhere when you didn't.

Were his emails confrontational or is that just the way you took it?

Asking about where you went to school is surely just someone wanting to find out about you? And looking at your social media profiles is all pretty standard too isn't it?

In the kindest way OP you could be overacting to all this but it's ok to walk away if you don't feel comfortable.

@breadandwine33

I have anxiety,I don't think it's serious mental illness. It's something that can affect me. I am in employment. I just moved jobs as sales were too much.

It has impacted on you in that working FT was too much and so you are working PT and that you feel compelled to hide it. If the roles were reversed here, a lot of people would be shouting 'Red Flag!'. But the real issue is that this sounds like a mismatch.

How is it normal for his friend to look me up on work email?
Like why would you do that ?

@breadandwine33

How is it normal for his friend to look me up on work email? Like why would you do that ?

No idea. Again, that's why it's a mismatch here.

@breadandwine33

How is it normal for his friend to look me up on work email? Like why would you do that ?

I think that is really normal. If a friend told me that she had started seeing someone who worked the same place at me, I would definitely use the work directory to see what department they work in, what they do etc. And if I found that they didn’t work there, I would definitely tell my friend.

I don’t know how you think this is not normal tbh. 🙂

Just bin him, you aren’t suited.

I’m amazed so many people either think it’s okay or are simply ignoring the fact that he quizzed a friend about the OP and then demanding to know ‘Why are you lying?’ I’d be bloody furious.

Only a total stalker would go around quizzing his friends like that. That’s before we even get to his confrontational demands after ONE DATE. Run, run, RUN, OP.

Run. Run for the hills.

Why is it normal to look you up in work email?

He could have been talking to his friend and told them he'd met someone where they worked. They may have wanted to look you up to see what you looked like? It could be that simple!

OP - if YOU don't feel comfortable it's fine to walk away.

Perhaps he's been lied to before and this is a 'red flag' for him?

Flip your post: been speaking to a guy I liked, told me he worked at xyz. I have a friend there but when I mentioned him, they told he'd left! Why would he lie?

What would MNs be saying to you? Probably 'red flag', 'ask him why', 'call him out', or 'block and run' - he opted to ask you.

YWNBU to not go into the ins and outs but it wasn't wise to say you were still working somewhere you are not!

Texts and emails can come across as quite abrupt.

Without knowing any details about his GF of last year its difficult to say, may have been a long relationship, may have been an over in a weekend relationship.

You could have mentioned that you've moved on from the job.

If it's causing that much anxiety may be worth just knocking relationships on the head for a couple of years until you feel more at ease.

@StillCoughingandLaughing

I’m amazed so many people either think it’s okay or are simply ignoring the fact that he quizzed a friend about the OP and then demanding to know ‘Why are you lying?’ I’d be bloody furious.

Only a total stalker would go around quizzing his friends like that. That’s before we even get to his confrontational demands after ONE DATE. Run, run, RUN, OP.

That's a pretty big assumption that he "quizzed" his friend about OP.

It's possible that it happened, but also possible that he just mentioned to the friend the woman he's dating works for the same company as the friend and then the friend looked for OP for whatever reasons and realised she's not working there anymore.

Which let's be fair, can raise a lot of questions and I would consider it a red flag if it was a man. His message was very confrontational though, and it is obvious that OP isn't comfortable with him for whatever reason so all this is irrelevant really.

@Aprilx same! I would 100% do the same as the friend. Wouldn't even think it would be classed as "stalking". I mean if you work at the company, it's not like it's a secret...

OP I don't think you've technically done anything wrong as your reason for not telling him the truth is because you thought you'd be hit with a million questions about it. You're just missmatched.

That's a pretty big assumption that he "quizzed" his friend about OP.

He’d said in the message that he asked her about the OP.

I’m amazed so many people either think it’s okay or are simply ignoring the fact that he quizzed a friend about the OP and then demanding to know ‘Why are you lying?’ I’d be bloody furious.

I'm amazed people wouldnt mention the fact they'd met someone who works at the same company as their friend to them!

How is it normal for his friend to look me up on work email?
Like why would you do that ?

Maybe she didnt recognise your name and wanted to put a face to it to see if she recognised you? I do this all the time with my friends at work when I don't know who they're talking about!