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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think most people my age have a sibling?

123 replies

Goblin74 · 09/04/2021 20:42

32 years old.

I'm lying here putting my 9 month old to bed and I started thinking about how he'll likely be an only child. It led me to think about how common it is today to have only one child and I started thinking about my own childhood (I'm an only child) and the more I thought about it, the more I realised all my friends growing up had siblings. I was fortunate enough to have lots of friends growing up and I'm going through every one of them realising they all had at least one brother or sister.
The kids on my street for example: 11 houses all with kids. I was the ONLY only child.
Primary school: about 8 of us, two only children (and the only other one I can think of)
High school: again a group of 6 (totally different to primary). I was the only only child.
Today: I have 7 close friends. All have siblings.

Was it normal in the late 80s/90s to just have more than one child? Or have I just somehow managed to avoid being friends with only children?

If you're in my age range, do you have brothers and sisters?

OP posts:
sbhydrogen · 09/04/2021 23:01

My SIL is an only child, but everyone else I see regularly had at least one sibling.

Phrowzunn · 09/04/2021 23:03

33 and I have siblings, so does my DH who’s the same age. I think it was definitely a ‘thing’ to be an only child when we were growing up, the people I knew who were only children stick out in my mind if you see what I mean. You can normally tell anyway 😂 (I say that with love, one of my best friends is an only). We were sure we wanted to have at least 2 kids as we didn’t want an only but I think it will definitely be more common in our kids’ generation. That said, I know quite a few people who have said they’re only having one and have gone on to have another anyway!

hellomom · 09/04/2021 23:04

Who said it's becoming normal NOW to have only one child? Not a single person I know that has only one child or only wanted one child. Most people want Atleast two to give their first child a sibling.
Back when I was at school, I found it normal for English families to have just the one child. A lot of my English friends and classmates were an only child.

GrandTheftWalrus · 09/04/2021 23:07

I'm 36 and an only child. My ex bil is 34 and he is an only child as well.

Where I grew up there was only 1 family with 2 children. The rest of us were only children.

Bimblybomeyelash · 09/04/2021 23:14

I only know a couple of only ‘adult children’. And most of them were due to circumstances rather than choice. I only know 3 ‘only children’ though. Everyone I know seems to have 2 or 3 kids.

FrangipaniBlue · 09/04/2021 23:15

I'm 40 and if I think about my circles of fiends, family and colleagues I believe I'm the only one with no siblings?

Feelingbad2 · 09/04/2021 23:19

I’m 34 and an only child

ZednotZee · 09/04/2021 23:22

Born in the 80s and I'm the only 'only child' I know of from my generation
My aunts called my mum 'barren' which was rude as she suffered secondary infertility due to APS.

Joke's on them. I had five children so my mum has more DGC than they do.

ViolentVienetta · 09/04/2021 23:26

I'm an only, I know 5-6 in my age group similar.

I hate the perception we're weird, I'm an introvert but kind and generous. I have a lovely relationship with my parents, we're friends on a nice way.

I had twins but I'd have been happy with an only.

Tangledtresses · 09/04/2021 23:29

I'm 49 and an only child

Tangledtresses · 09/04/2021 23:32

I have 2 children

Creamcustards · 09/04/2021 23:32

Great point @StrawberrySquash perspective has a lot to do with it!

ViolentVienetta · 09/04/2021 23:35

@ivfbeenbusy

It's a bit different now to then. Back then most people weren't only children through choice. These days couples make a conscious decision to be "one and done". Not something I would want personally.....my DH was an only and my god it shows. We've spent £35k on IVF to ensure DD wasnt an only child
This is so unpleasant. Just cos your husband is a twat isn't cos he was an only. He might just be a twat. Save your £35k and change your husband?!
HappyDaysToCome · 09/04/2021 23:42

I’m late 40s. I can only think of one friend who is an only child, and she had a twin who was stillborn. I had another only child friend at primary school but her parents had a late second child.

I know plenty of only children amongst my children’s generation. It’s either choice, or fertility problems sometimes compounded by starting ttc late.

But I also know plenty in my parents’ generation - born in the 40s. I don’t know why, maybe the war got in the way (including complicating relationships) or secondary infertility which of course couldn’t be investigated as it would be today.

RachelsHoliday21 · 09/04/2021 23:58

I'm in my 40's and have 3 friends who are similar ages and onlies (mainly due to fertility/maternal health issues).

There are a few onlies in dc's school. Some who might get siblings in years to come, some who won't.

user123456778 · 10/04/2021 00:04

43 and didn't know any only children growing up, most had 1 sibling

SuperCaliFragalistic · 10/04/2021 05:49

@ViolentVienetta really uncalled for and unpleasant.

sunflowersandbuttercups · 10/04/2021 05:53

I'm the same age as you OP and an only child.

I'd say about 30-40% of my class at school were the same.

GordonYaSelfishTwit · 10/04/2021 06:02

My best friend growing up was an only child (as am I). I think it made us feel more like sisters though as we did everything together. Our parents always invited the other on holidays etc... for company and so on. Even Christmas day we'd open our presents at home and then see each other, we lived on the same street.

Estasala · 10/04/2021 06:06

The fertility rate is going down so yes it must be the case that more families these days just have 1 DC, (or no DC) through choice or leaving it later to start TTC.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 10/04/2021 06:16

@ViolentVienetta

I'm an only, I know 5-6 in my age group similar.

I hate the perception we're weird, I'm an introvert but kind and generous. I have a lovely relationship with my parents, we're friends on a nice way.

I had twins but I'd have been happy with an only.

God, yes. Was waiting for someone to come to the thread and say they can 'tell' who is an only child, or that we need 'constant entertaining'. No one has said we're spoilt yet Hmm My parents more or less ignored me (benign neglect) - I had lots of friends and a good imagination, so could entertain myself if needs be. Still can.
AnnListersBlister · 10/04/2021 06:21

38 and sort of an only. My mum and dad only had one. Mum had a son by her first marriage who is 17 years older than I am so didn't grow up together, didn't form that sibling relationship etc.

speakout · 10/04/2021 06:27

Having a sibling is no guarantee of anything.
My two ( now adult) children have never been close, and I last spoke to my own sister 6 years ago.

Barneybear11 · 10/04/2021 06:29

I’m very close in age to you. I’m one of 3 and have 2 children myself.

Heatherjayne1972 · 10/04/2021 06:33

I know quite a few only children. Most are / were desperate for a sibling