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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you ever fantasise about buggering off on your own for months?

89 replies

FortunesFave · 09/04/2021 03:50

I do! I'm in my late 40s with two teenage DDs and a DH who I love very much. All of them. I could never actually DO it but I sometimes imagine myself moving to a small town in England and living in a bedsit all on my own...preferably an older town with plenty of history.

I'd spend my days reading and writing and painting and going on long walks.

I'd eat party food every evening...and probably start smoking again.

Then after a few months I'd come home again, completely refreshed.

OP posts:
Original poster
FortunesFave · 09/04/2021 03:51

Oh and I'm not sure why I envision a bedsit rather than a lovely cottage....but I do! Or at least a very small flat.

OP posts:
Clementine8 · 09/04/2021 04:00

I know someone who did this. She left her kids who were about 9 and 6 with their dad/ grandparents and buggered off to teach english abroad. Her reason was she needed to find herself as she had them young (she was about 25 when she had her first).

Clusters29 · 09/04/2021 04:09

I do! My fantasy involves a tiny house and almost no possessions. But I think I could handle having the kids round to all camp on the floor together a few times, as long as they didn't bring any stuff.

DarkMutterings · 09/04/2021 04:31

I do all the time.
I live in a sub tropical country so I dream of going to Norther Canada or a Nordic country and spending my time walking about in cosy jumpers and boots along wild coastlines accompanied by a couple of dogs.

Lollipity · 09/04/2021 04:32

I can empathise. Yesterday I was e-biking across countryside in southern China (near Vietnam) with my children and other family members on a day out, as part of a holiday.

I had a very strong desire to pack a bag and just get on a bike and go off on my own - through countryside and villages, for a few months. My husband is more of a planner and likes his comforts so would never do anything like that. I think it must tally what I conceptualise 'being free' to be.

Amdone123 · 09/04/2021 04:39

Daily. I have no real ties, so as soon as I can, I will. I want to be somewhere warmer, spend my days walking, reading and chilling!
I am a home bird, too, so I'll definitely come home after a few weeks / months....I think !!

Lollipity · 09/04/2021 04:40

I must be quite into escapism, because I've just remembered that when I was doing my GCSEs I bought a large map off the US and planned a route from East to West that I was going to walk! I'm now in my 40s and have still never been!

Original poster
FortunesFave · 09/04/2021 04:43

Wow there's a few of us then! Every post has agreed with me!

My DC are 13 and 16 so still need me a lot but in a few years I do plan to do this. My husband will support me in it I know...I'd support him to do the same but he wouldn't want to in all likelyhood. He's very social and loves seeing his friends and family too much.

But I could save up....and then take a month or two couldn't I!?

OP posts:
BoomBoomsCousin · 09/04/2021 04:57

I sometimes browse expensive city-centre flats for sale. Even when I'm looking at two or three bedroom ones I'm fantasising about just me with a library/craft room/guest room. My DH and DC do not exist.

I don't only dream about being single and child free. I fantasize about buying a yacht and all of us sailing around the world or getting a place in the country with lots of land too. But when I do dream about a flat of my own I never dream about returning to my family - they're all dead or never existed!

Lollipity · 09/04/2021 05:47

*Of not off. FFS.

Maybe you could Airbnb a place OP? Would it be somewhere coastal? That's where my bedsit would be!

amylou8 · 09/04/2021 05:52

I'm planning to buy a camper van and live in that, I can work anywhere I have an internet connection. Small hitch is the 18 and 20 year olds don't seem in a rush to bugger off.

Harrykanesrightsock · 09/04/2021 05:59

Yes. I have a campervan and it’s my biggest pleasure jumping in it and just going with no plans. Always with DH and never more than a week. But the temptation to just go alone with no plans to return for a month or two is sometimes so tempting. I might even take the ferry to Europe and explore Scandinavia My DCs are young adults now so only thing stopping me is work. Oh and DH might get pissed that I have left him. I would take the dog of course.

Mercedes519 · 09/04/2021 06:04

I think for me it’s the minimalism of very little stuff to worry about - both mentally and physically. My fantasy is always a small flat or camper van so I have to not have much stuff so I can just relax and be. Near the sea.

My DH once accused me (after some particularly ruthless decluttering) of wanting to live in a white flat with no furniture. I had little moment of bliss imaging that....

BouquetsAndBalls · 09/04/2021 06:06

Yes. I regularly daydream about going to live far far away so no one can get in touch with me. Bliss.

Cuntryhouse · 09/04/2021 06:11

Dh has just bought a one man tent, should I be worried?? Grin

IndigoJasmine · 09/04/2021 06:13

I did this, a few times, in my mid-late 20s when I had no ties or commitments, I’d save up some money, buy a one way ticket to a far-away country and head off with my backpack. When I ran out of money I’d come back and earn some more to go again.

Couldn’t do it forever and had some very lonely dark times with my mental health during it, but also the time and space free of obligation and the permission (even necessity) to reinvent yourself was very freeing and I learned a lot.

Original poster
FortunesFave · 09/04/2021 06:25

@Lollipity

*Of not off. FFS.

Maybe you could Airbnb a place OP? Would it be somewhere coastal? That's where my bedsit would be!

No...I live right next to the sea already. I should have said but I live in Australia and do absolutely love it here...I have family and friends here too but hardly anyone left in the UK.

However I still get a big yearning for England and Wales....I would choose an unremarkable but old market town or a big city. Because I do like urban life.

Where I live now is idyllic but you sometimes want the landscape you knew as a child I think.

OP posts:
Alaimo · 09/04/2021 06:46

I did this at the start of last year. Went abroad for 2 months by myself, leaving DH at home (we dont have kids though). Then covid hit and i has to scramble back home before all the borders closed - lockdown started the day after I got back.

The 5 weeks i spent by myself were bliss, but lockdown quickly undid any sense of feeling refreshed!

TulisaIsBrill · 09/04/2021 07:53

Funnily enough I was fantasising about this last night.....and not for the first time Grin

Frokni · 09/04/2021 08:03

Yes, I completely get this too. Both for me on my lonesome and as a family travelling in a funky camper van.

I imagine myself in an ultra modern but small wood and glass lake side retreat. The small pier goes from the kitchen to the water where my little boat rests for me to row about the water. Picture Norway, lakes lined with trees and mountains. I have a library, an outside fire pit and a massive bed to sleep in. All mine!

With the family we are living in a yurt in the woods in England- although that in theory could happen I suppose. I am a bit of a hippy deep down.

Although I like home ownership, I don't feel passionate about the home itself. Always the land and space surrounding it.

This is a nice thread Smile

TeenMinusTests · 09/04/2021 08:06

I fantasise about going to a lovely hotel with sensibly sized but delicious meals, and activities I want to do, and no responsibilities or decisions to make. To be nurtured.

LunaNorth · 09/04/2021 08:08

OP, read Ladder Of Years by Ann Tyler.

I did it for a week towards the end of my first marriage.

Utter, utter bliss.

Original poster
FortunesFave · 09/04/2021 08:33

@TeenMinusTests

I fantasise about going to a lovely hotel with sensibly sized but delicious meals, and activities I want to do, and no responsibilities or decisions to make. To be nurtured.
Sounds like an old people's home! 😂
OP posts:
Laggartha · 09/04/2021 08:40

I enjoyed this discussion recently, and quite a few of the book recommendations.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3832087-To-fantasise-about-going-missing?pg=1

greengrey · 09/04/2021 08:42

Yes. Frequently!

By the sea so can walk and write.

Heaven.