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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do you ever fantasise about buggering off on your own for months?

89 replies

FortunesFave · 09/04/2021 03:50

I do! I'm in my late 40s with two teenage DDs and a DH who I love very much. All of them. I could never actually DO it but I sometimes imagine myself moving to a small town in England and living in a bedsit all on my own...preferably an older town with plenty of history.

I'd spend my days reading and writing and painting and going on long walks.

I'd eat party food every evening...and probably start smoking again.

Then after a few months I'd come home again, completely refreshed.

OP posts:

GravityFalls · 09/04/2021 08:44

I was coming on to recommend Ladder of Years. It’s a great book anyway!

Laggartha · 09/04/2021 08:44

Wow there's a few of us then! Every post has agreed with me!

People who read your title and think, "no" are unlikely to take the time to click on your thread and post, "no, not really"!

Laggartha · 09/04/2021 08:46

I was coming on to recommend Ladder of Years. It’s a great book anyway!

I was disappointed in the ending, but I think it'd make a great screen adaptation.

Putkettleonlove · 09/04/2021 08:47

Oh yes! Just me, my dog, my paints and a never ending supply of cheese. Bliss

RedIce · 09/04/2021 08:52

I have done so in the past. I went on holiday myself once and DH took kids on holiday witheout me once. Try it!

Oblomov21 · 09/04/2021 08:56

All the time. It's totally normal.
I live in a luxurious hut in the middle of Forest for a week, and then I'm ready to come home. For a bit. Then 2 months later I need to go again for 3 or 4 days. This is how it works in my mind.

RedIce · 09/04/2021 09:02

I should add for a week not months. I started to miss the noise/demands then reversed that sharply after a day back together...

Mumblechum0 · 09/04/2021 09:05

Several of my friends have done versions of this last summer between lockdowns; hired a cottage/camper van and gone off by themselves to just chill/write/paint. One did a mini version, booked into that hotel in Bath with the hot spa thing on the roof for a few days and spent her evenings floating around looking at the stars then room service😊. I do have my own version but won’t do it because I don’t much like time alone. It’s buying a little cottage in the next village and getting a rescue dog and cat but it wouldn’t be much different from my current life; i’d just need to rehome DH

folloyourarro · 09/04/2021 09:10

My DH has a job that takes him a away for a few months every couple of years, I fantasise about joining an F1 team for a season to follow them around the world, or some kind of work exchange programme for a few months to somewhere like NZ. I'd do it in a heart beat if the opportunity came up but alas I don't work in engineering and my role is very UK centric so don't see it happening!

hellcatspangle · 09/04/2021 09:15

Every day. This has been exacerbated by covid/lockdown as I've not only been stuck at home with DH but both adult dc moved back in so the house is full...all the time. There's not a single room I can sit in without overhearing someone on the phone (all wfh) and I just feel stifled. I've also ended up being chief cook and laundry maid, simply because they all work FT and I don't. I've been fantasising daily about buggering off and leaving them all to it!

Wbeezer · 09/04/2021 09:19

I'm obsessed with watching videos about tiny houses and fantasise about living in one on my own with my possessions pared down to a select few.

Laggartha · 09/04/2021 09:35

I've also ended up being chief cook and laundry maid, simply because they all work FT and I don't. I've been fantasising daily about buggering off and leaving them all to it!

This sounds depressing. Why on earth are you doing their laundry? I can't imagine letting my mum do my washing.

BarbaraofSeville · 09/04/2021 09:38

I do this. Mine is either a flat within walking distance of lots of lovely bars that I can sit outside with a drink and a tapa or two, but there's also lots of walks and the weather is always nice.

My place has two bedrooms, an open plan kitchen/living room. Everywhere will be clutter free except the second bedroom which will be a home office and well organised stuff store.

Or I found this apartment a few weeks ago and thought 'that'll do nicely just for me'.

I've just looked and found that I bought Ladder of Years five years ago on my kindle but never read it. I'm coming to the end of my current book, so will read this one next.

BarbaraofSeville · 09/04/2021 09:42

But I think a lot of these fantasies are driven by prioritising the food needs of other people - lots of comments along the lines of eating small meals, party food etc and 'not having to cook big meat heavy meals for other people' and the place staying clean, tidy and clutter free, so if that's you, think about what you can change.

Especially if you don't have to cook for small DC, don't feel obliged to make proper meals for male partners and teenage DC when all you want is an omelette. Have your omelette and let them make their own food.

Unsuremover · 09/04/2021 09:51

When I looking for a job there was one in Paris and suddenly I had attic bedsit, I cycled to work everyday and grabbed a baguette and a bottle of wine on the way home. I shared my wine with the others in the building then watched the sunset from the balcony. I wore boots and red lipstick.

Sometimes I go back.

dementedma · 09/04/2021 09:52

God yes. Cottage in Orkney would do nicely

Laggartha · 09/04/2021 10:00

But I think a lot of these fantasies are driven by...

It would be an interesting piece of research. I notice, also, how people want a more simple lifestyle with fewer belongings.

Giggorata · 09/04/2021 10:15

DH prefers to be at home, as he likes doing the dogs, the pub and shooting. He is reluctant to go on holiday at all. We own a small cottage in Scotland, and I mostly go there alone, or with friends, so I already have a tiny place of my own.

Pre lockdown, I bogged off alone quite often, from shorter jaunts in the van, to longer trips abroad.
Over lockdown, I’ve been (mentally) planning my trip to southern Spain for the next European eclipse, which I will follow up with a trip to Morocco, as I have always wanted to go back there.
Recently, I have been so enthralled by the Icelandic volcano footage, that I now want to go and see one for real.

FastnetLundyRockall · 09/04/2021 10:18

Yes, I'd like to take a tent and walk the Pacific Crest trail or some such, like Cheryl Strayed in Wild.

notacooldad · 09/04/2021 10:22

Her reason was she needed to find herself as she had them young (she was about 25 when she had her first)
Is that a joke?
25 is not "young" to have your first certainly not that you need to "find yourself'

notacooldad · 09/04/2021 10:23

Bugger! I meant to press back space and delete my comment, pressed post instead!

FoxglovesRosesandPeonies · 09/04/2021 10:35

I live in a tiny cottage in the Dales with my dog and some chickens. I read, potter in my beautiful garden and generally waft about with an endless supply of wine and gorgeous nibbly food. DH and DC may visit fortnightly for snuggles and to sort out any outstanding DIY jobs. Sigh.
I think we all crave not being “on” and responsible constantly. This thread is lovely- I thought I was the only appalling mother who wanted to run away for a while

PickAChew · 09/04/2021 10:37

I'd be happy with a day on my own, right now.

Vicliz24 · 09/04/2021 10:43

Constantly! In my head I live in a tiny stone house in Greece. Not touristy just local . I buy bread every morning and walk or swim in the afternoon. In the evening I sit outside with a glass of wine watching the stars .

Justgivemeamoment · 09/04/2021 10:56

I dream of being alone every day BUT I haven't really gone and thought properly where. But this has given me so much inspiration.

I'm a city girl so I would love to spend some time in all the big cities. I've never been to Paris but I think I would love it and I keep saving it for the perfect moment and company. Always wanted to visit Moscow ! LOVED New York. I would live in a small apartment, eat snacks and just walk and browse the museums.

I wonder how long I could stay before I would miss the kids.

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