Losing my mind on postnatal ward

[newmum0604]

Had my first baby Tuesday evening, over the moon, she is perfect but I'm scared for my mental health right now. I have slept a total of 1.5 hours since Sunday night.

They won't 'let' me leave til they see her feeding well, without someone helping me. I understand where they are coming from but I'm finding it pretty fucking impossible to establish breastfeeding in this environment. I want to be at home, in my own bed, quiet and relaxed.

The issue is she seems to latch on OK but won't keep going for more than a few seconds, stop start like this for maybe 10/15 minutes every 4ish hours. She is sleeping a lot, I could be sleeping too if it weren't for the background noise. But this means I can't think straight about the situation. Every time I started to feed in the first 24 hours someone would appear and take over, so even though she seems content they won't class it as me having actually done anything/being capable. Have expressed into syringes a couple of times, not going to let her starve ffs.

AIBU to switch to formula purely so I can leave in the morning before I completely go over the edge? I know that sounds incredibly dramatic but I genuinely feel on the edge

[quitecontrary123]

I had this OP together with monitoring of my blood pressure. I was moved to a private room and stayed in for a total of 5 nights. It was awful but the private room helped. We managed to get the feeding sorted, it was just a case of trying different positions and I continued to feed for almost a year.

[Backtoschool101]

Discharge yourself as long as baby is well. Baby number 4 I told them I. Going. Dh picked me up at 1 am as I couldn't cope with it any more. We weren't allowed to keep our curtainsclosed so blaring light all the time. Other people's partners sat there opposite me and breastfeeding. Didn't get any sleep. Baby was fine and breastfeeding fine. Although it was awkward as they kept coming and opening the curtain so j had to keep closing it.

My midwife who I saw when pg was working upstairs the day I gave birth. She came to see me and promised I would be home by tea time and asked them to do this. As soon as she went home they said no you have to stay until tomorrow. In the end I gave up. Her temps were fine feeding weeing and pooing. So I packed up. Said I'm going and they tried to say no. But dh was on his way ay 1 am with the car seat. When he turned up they magically had the paperwork ready in 10 minutes stick to your guns OP. Take the nunber for your community midwife and health visitor

[Backtoschool101]

And yes try formula. You can mix feed or go back to breastfeeding or keep using formula. Fed is best

[KeyboardWorriers]

I feel shaky just remembering my own postnatal ward hell. The sleep deprivation and constant noise and lack of privacy was bleak.

It is worth explaining just how bad you feel. They may have a side room they can find.

[applesandpears33]

I feel sorry for you because I had similar problems with my DC. I was eventually referred to a breast feeding adviser in the hospital. She was fantastic and spent time with me helping to get feeding established. She also ran a drop in clinic so you could go back to her for help after you had been discharged from hospital. It might be worth asking if there is someone like that in your hospital and if you can be referred.

[RuggeryBuggery]

You poor thing 💐
With the milk thing - please just be aware that if she isn’t is latching and staying on then she might get sleepier and sleepier as she isn’t getting much milk, which can then be a vicious cycle as it can be hard to wake her enough to feed.
This happened to me and it was lovely baby was so sleepy and I was able to rest but she dropped a lot from her birthweight and nearly had to be readmitted.
So do consider a top up with formula both to get you home and ensure she is having something. Hopefully when she’s more alert she’ll stay on for longer. Just please when you go home keep an eye on how much she’s having and give formula/express if she has not fed properly for 4 hours

[Mumtotwofurbabies]

Ahhh I’ve been where you are now and completely sympathise. For me they wouldn’t let me know as my pulse rate was apparently too high, but every time they approached with the machine I got really nervous as it was like a test for whether I could go home or not so it was always too high! Definitely not a good environment for sleep a d would have been better at home. In my area they had a lovely charity that came round specifically to help people start breastfeeding which was invaluable, do you have anything like that? I sympathise with you 😢

[bumblingbovine49]

I had 5 days in a postnatal ward with DS. I still vividly remember the experience and not in a positive way !

On top of everything everyone is saying about noise, lack of sleep, breastfeeding / tongue tie nightmare , no help, food delivered to the corridor with no explanation or help to get there, DS has to be wheeled to the PICU every 6 hours day and night for intravenous antibiotics (I had strep B and he was born grunting so they thought he had a steep B infection) .

I couldn't leave until the tests checking if there was an infection for DS came back which took 5 days. In the meantime he has to have the antibiotics in case the test was positive That stay definitely contributed to my PND.


It is an absolute disgrace how new mothers are treated in hospital nowadays and I am sorry for anyone going through that.

[Allnightlong2016]

I was in much the same situation as you OP. I cried when they told me in the morning that I would have to stay a third night. I called my husband crying and switched to formula to get out. The midwife told me baby would get upset stomach but he didn’t. It took me until 8pm to get out. I dressed, baby in car seat and stripped the bed whilst waiting to leave. There was no way I was staying another night. My community midwife was super and I was 1000 times better at home.

[indecisivewoman81]

Tell them you are going home. It's not a prison and being happy is the most important thing thing right now.

I tried to breast feed both my babies but it was just a nightmare. They didn't latch well and I never produced enough milk (thyroid issues).

I switched to formula and it made the world of difference.

You need to sleep; your husband can help feed the baby.

If you're unhappy speak up

[Anon778833]

You need to do what’s best for you because if you’re not happy, your baby won’t be either. It’s very unfair for you to be forced to stay in a clinical environment when you don’t want to and when it’s affecting your MH.

[Sparky888]

The happiest and heal I thirst newborn is one that has been fed. The happiest and healthiest new mother is one who has had some sleep. Do whatever you want to do, to make you both happiest. If the only issue is not feeding and bf isn’t working (at all or yet), give the baby formula.
Formula is not poison (although I know the societal pressure can make it feel that way when you’re sleep deprived!).

[Musmerian]

This is outrageous. You can leave whenever you like. Post natal wards are the worst places to try to establish feeding. Don’t let them persuade you to give formula it’s still early days.

[Tangledtresses]

Both my boys were breastfed briefly in hospital and then formula until my milk came in 4 days later.

I was so stressed and tired I just couldn't do it in hospital!

Just tell them you are leaving! They can't stop you

Both boys healthy and very much older now never dropped any weight... happy to take a bottle or bf which meant dad could feed them too win win

[PeggyHill]

Hospitals are the worst place for a new mum and baby who are trying to establish breastfeeding.

If your baby is well then I would just self discharge. Get your baby checked over by GP or midwife in a day or two (not sure what the process is in UK).

I had to self discharge with my first for the same reasons. As soon as I got home it became easier to feed my baby. But I did so with the support of a midwife that did home visits - I don't know what's available to you in the UK.

[Couchbettato]

There's nothing worse for breastfeeding than stress.

Do what you think is best for you.

[IdblowJonSnow]

Ugh. Go home. Tell them you're going home. It's such a vulnerable time and a busy, noisy ward is the worst. Get formula and be gone.
I had similar and then had midwives coming into my home for several days hassling me to breastfeed. My baby never did! She was teeny. Switched to bottle, didnt look back.
Congratulations on your baby OP.

[Katela18]

Honestly I sympathise with you so much, postnatal wards are the least conducive place for bonding and rest / recovery.

Last year I had a baby at 32 weeks due to pre-eclampsia, she was obviously in the NICU and I was placed on a post natal ward with 4 other women and their new borns....and the doctors couldn't understand why my blood pressure was still high?

I think sometimes the need to tick the right boxes and protect themselves, stands in the way of them exercising common sense and figuring that you might have a better chance of establishing feeding in an environment you feel comfortable.

I would switch, you can always keep expressing and then try again when you are home

[NoProbLlamaa]

I feel your pain. Postnatal wards are horrific environments.

My son wouldn’t latch, so I expressed and gave him formula. It was hard work but 3 weeks later he latched on for the first time and had a full breastfeed, then carried on for 9 months. He carried on being combi fed and it worked great for us.

Do what’s best for you and baby - don’t be pressured into anything either way. Fed is best whether that’s breast or formula or both, you got this and good luck x

[Jumpers268]

I really hope you're home now OP? Post natal wards are awful. I've only got the one child and honestly I still shudder at the nights spent there. I was told I couldn't leave until we'd established feeding. I was exhausted and couldn't get him to latch on. After 2 days I said I wanted to go home and they again said no. I then said okay I want to give him formula and they refused to give me any for him! After another day I rang my sister sobbing, that I was failing and that I hadn't slept in a week. She went to the shops and got the pre made formula and all the bottles she could find haha. And came to the hospital and literally said, here give him something to eat and then you're going home. And that was that.

I really hope you're okay OP .

[CrazyKitkatLady]

This thread makes me so sad.

I only spent about 3 hours on the post natal ward but I remember saying to my husband when we left that unless it’s life or death I never want to go back there. It’s absolutely the worst environment to try and establish breastfeeding.

OP if I were you I’d discharge myself and baby, get home and get some sleep. If you have to give a couple of bottles to do that then fine, there’s no rule saying once baby has had a drop of formula then you can never breastfeed. You can keep going and you’ll be so much more comfortable at home.

I spent the first few days doing skin to skin and basically feeding constantly.

If you can afford a private ibclc then arrange for one of them to visit you at home so you can have proper support. Most midwives are not actually breastfeeding specialists so you’re no worse off at home. The National breastfeeding helpline is a good resource.

[Heyha]

Omg post natal wards are the worst designed a d executed part of all maternity care in my view. They wanted me to do a third night just to take one more set of bloods in the morning, I told them we were going home and I'd happily come back and wait all day for a blood test after I'd been home to sleep. Luckily the midwife in charge took it on and got a different doctor to ok me going home and monitor what they were concerned about myself.

Ask them what they intend to do, and what you need to do, for you to be able to be discharged today rather than just battering on going round in circles on the ward. If that means formula top-ups then I would embrace that and get out of there at this point, you will have midwife and HV round in next few days too I think so can be supported in your own home.

[Sleepyquest]

I feel for you as I've been there. Every time my DD started to feed, I had to get my DH to run and find a midwife to watch. On day 3, I had a bit of a breakdown due to lack of sleep and feeling so unwell and the midwives and HCAs acted like I was suffering some kind of PND and kept saying is the baby making you feel like this? Er no, you are!!!

A friend of mine told them she was going home and to discharge her immediately. I didn't have the balls. Maybe you should!

[NewYearNewTwatName]

for you newmum0604

post natal wards are horrid.

Please just go home and get some sleep, you don't have to give up BF, it's fine to top up with formula whilst you get established with BF, or there is nothing wrong with FF in full.

Take the pressure off, get some sleep and enjoy the comfort and peace of home.

I was out of there quick sharp, it was my 2nd but first time on big hospital post natal ward. I and another 2nd time mum arrived in the room within and hour of each other around 5am. there was only the 2 of us in there at the time. I think we both finally settled and fell asleep about 7am.

despite the time we arrived and being the only ones in the room. The Midwifes still came in opened the window curtains and our curtains and promptly told us we had to get up and go and get breakfast from the canteen down the end of the long the corridor. When I bleary eyed said could I just go back to sleep, The answer was as if I was total lazy git, and routine and food was essential, and once the canteen closed at 9 there would be no opportunity for food until lunch.

After breakfast I was adamant i was going home. as by then 2 more people were in the room, plus there family all being really noisy, there was no chance of sleep or a settled baby.

They still faffed about with paperwork, my original time for leaving was 11am but they kept putting it back, it was gone 6pm and after lots of tears and me pleading that they finally let me go.

If I'd ever had another i wouldn't wait for the bloody paper work I'd have just gone.

[KnowlWay]

Leave.
I then had the issue of my baby losing over 10% of body weight in the first few days. Was a nightmare. Good luck.