Losing my mind on postnatal ward

[newmum0604]

Had my first baby Tuesday evening, over the moon, she is perfect but I'm scared for my mental health right now. I have slept a total of 1.5 hours since Sunday night.

They won't 'let' me leave til they see her feeding well, without someone helping me. I understand where they are coming from but I'm finding it pretty fucking impossible to establish breastfeeding in this environment. I want to be at home, in my own bed, quiet and relaxed.

The issue is she seems to latch on OK but won't keep going for more than a few seconds, stop start like this for maybe 10/15 minutes every 4ish hours. She is sleeping a lot, I could be sleeping too if it weren't for the background noise. But this means I can't think straight about the situation. Every time I started to feed in the first 24 hours someone would appear and take over, so even though she seems content they won't class it as me having actually done anything/being capable. Have expressed into syringes a couple of times, not going to let her starve ffs.

AIBU to switch to formula purely so I can leave in the morning before I completely go over the edge? I know that sounds incredibly dramatic but I genuinely feel on the edge

[Dramstam]

Go home. They can’t keep you against your will. Once you get home do loads of skin to skin to help with breastfeeding and get some specialist breastfeeding support. I think most are doing video calls at the moment.

I gave birth in Germany. My own en suite room, nurses only came in if I asked them to. Basically was told to do morning but skin to skin to build up milk supply and bonding. It was amazing experience, stayed 4 days all paid for by the public health.

[Alsonification]

God I feel for you. When I had my youngest 18 years ago I had only split with his dad when I was 7 months pregnant & so it was a traumatic time for me. I had ds at 1:30am and at 7am I told them I was leaving. They tried to persuade me to stay but I said no. I had to sign a form to say I was leaving against medical advice. My mam collected us & I cried all the way home.
You can leave whenever you like. Don’t let them bully you.

[Dingleydel]

Are they certain she’s not jaundiced? Sounds like my dc who ended up turning a vibrant orange shade on about day 3/4. I’ve done a week each time in the postnatal ward for different reasons, you have my sympathy!

[PatchworkElmer]

I can remember a very wide-eyed nurse saying to me (on our 3rd night on the postnatal ward and SCBU- hell on Earth) “you know, some women actually put their babies on formula just so they can go home!” I thought “I don’t flipping blame them”. Did the same myself when I collapsed a few hours later due to exhaustion and blood loss, and a much more sympathetic midwife told me to give myself a break. I needed to be home with DH or I would’ve gone mad.

I’d top up with formula for a few hours OP, get yourself discharged, and then try breast feeding again if you want to at home.

[LifesLittleDeciders]

I was in for 4 days too OP and my daughter had a pretty shite latch (premature and IUGR) - Wr ended up compensating with 10ml formula in the hospital after every feed and they let us go home.

The only thing I would say is try not to let it get the better of you.

I would sit and pump for over an hour and only get just short of 30ml milk and slowly that decreased, I’m very pro-breastfeeding but I’m more pro-mental health and the fact I felt so much pressure to achieve breastfeeding really wrecked my mental health; I wasn’t able to breastfeed, I just couldn’t make enough milk and my baby lost a dangerous amount of weight and the health visitor advised making the switch to formula for full feeds otherwise we’d need to be referred back to hospital. I can remember feeling almost ashamed when out and about getting the formula out to feed herb because of the strong stigma to breastfeed now. It’s great to breastfeed and has so many benefits, but sometimes some people or baby’s just can’t do it.

Good luck OP, I hope you’re out soon! You’ll feel so much more relaxed latching baby on at home!

[Sceptre86]

They are trying to do as per guidelines but inorder to do that properly they would actually need to sit down and spend more than 10 minutes with you to check baby's latch and see them sliding off. They could show you different ways of holding your baby whilst trying to breastfeed. Ring the bell and ask it they have a breastfeeding nurse if not explain exactly how you feel and say you will discharge yourself if someone doesn't help you now. It is hellish on postnatal wards, I am due my 3rd at the end of August, early September and being on a postnatal ward again gives me more anxiety then the whole pregnancy and giving birth.

Congratulations on the birth of your dd x

[MaryMow22]

There is nothing wrong with supplementing with formula until breastfeeding is established!! I wish someone had told me this when my first child was born!

[poppycat10]

OP go home. I had this too (my pregnancy notes have "mum is determined to go home" all the way through. I was scared of catching an infection in hospital even then - never mind covid and just wanted to get out of there and get home. Tell them you are going.

It took ds a few weeks to be able to latch on properly - do midwives really think you should stay in hospital for a few weeks? You don't get looked after well on a post-natal ward, you have other peoples' babies crying, in normal times, other peoples' visitors, it's too hot and noisy and it's just rubbish.

[mealsonwheelz]

Please get home and don't try snd pump! Pumping is not the same as BF and takes time to establish. I will NEVER forget the sheer relief of getting home to my bed after a traumatic week in post natal ward. You need to rest and stay in bed for a few weeks - eat, sleep, feed and repeat. Don't write off BF, just get home and get support. Make sure you are using Lanisol after every single feed as the constant on and off and bad latch WILL make your nipples sore and then increase possible infection. My husband had to basically refuse to be fobbed off and told them we were leaving after they said they couldn't find my notes after about 6 days and I was seriously weepy snd sleep deprived. Get your partner to advocate for you. It will get better soon I promise.

[CaffeineAndCrochet]

I was in for three nights when I had my daughter. The first two were ok but on the third night, the nurse wouldn't let me keep the curtain around my bed fully closed because she 'needed to see the baby'. Which meant there was a light shining in my face all night stopping me from sleeping. They tried to get me to stay in another night and I cried until they agreed to let me go home. It was horrific.

I had the same issue with flat nipples but the hospital breastfeeding consultant was no help whatsoever. Even sneered at me at one point and asked if I wanted to breastfeed or not because I tried to pull down my top discreetly instead of sitting in a hospital ward full of people with my tits out.

[Bluntness100]

Op a well fed baby and happy mum is what’s important. Just give your baby some formula and make sure she’s well fed and thriving then go home and enjoy your child. The benefits of breast feeding are not so great you need to subject both of you to this.

[AngelicaSchuylerAndHerSisters]

This was my exact experience of the maternity ward 15 years ago. DD never learned to latch on properly for a full feed despite me seeing one of their specialists for several weeks after going home. I will never forget how they made me feel like a failure.

[EasterEggBelly]

I wish I had know I could just discharge myself earlier. I did after a couple of days of the ward hell.

I established bf at home using the NCT helpline for support.
Don’t feel bad for discharging yourself. The reason they wouldn’t let me go was because I hadn’t done a poo. Despite my protests that I couldn’t in that environment! I couldn’t even get myself to the bathroom as I couldn’t wheel my baby there and drag the catheter.

Anyway I digress. Self discharge is your friend here.

[Bomchiccawick]

I really feel for you OP. Postnatal wards are so horrible, I honestly think that’s what set my PND off because they made me stay for 3 nights and neither me or baby could sleep. I hardly saw DH, I didn’t see daylight for 4 days because I was stuck in the stupid hospital. I just wanted to go home and be comfortable and be with my dog. Horrible place, I wish I’d just discharged myself (I didn’t realise I could do that). Go home and get some rest OP.

[PurBal]

Heck no. I would leave. You don't have to give up BF but it sounds like a hellish environment. As you say, you won't let her starve. Good luck OP.

[CrazyOldBagLady]

Just pack your bags and go. You aren't a prisoner, they can't keep you there, you don't have to sign anything. The community midwives can support you at home. Go and get some rest.

[Uninspiredusername]

I could have written the OP exactly five years ago, down to the Tuesday night delivery. The sleep deprivation is hellish and I truly feel for you, because quite simply, BF isn’t that easy to establish straightaway. My DC did exactly the same as yours.
What got me out of there was ensuring the DC’s weight didn’t drop - out of five midwives only one recognised that my DC needed formula top ups (I wasn’t producing enough for baby) and with this I got out of there and continued a combi feeding pattern.

Good luck OP and huge congratulations - this is a really foggy moment when you’re still recovering from labour but you’ll be at home soon enough. Sending love x

[Hiphopopotamus]

Oh I really feel for you. The post natal ward nearly broke me completely. I gave birth for the first time during the first lockdown last year so wasn’t allowed any visitors at all. Kept being refused discharge for various things that I now know were completely solvable at home, but at the time you can only go by what the midwives are saying. I honestly felt like a prisoner. In hindsight, and if I had another baby, I would just pack up and self discharge but when it’s your first and you are so vulnerable that’s easier said than done.

It’s so awful seeing how commonplace these post natal experiences are - something surely has to be done.

[Howsrainbows]

Go home OP you'll feel so much better being af home in your own bed and your own surroundings.

I had a horrific birth resulting in me being in intensive care after and once I got back to the postnatal ward my care was terrible, the midwives were far to busy, I was really fragile and still felt so ill but I was told by the midwives I wasnt the only woman to have ever given birth etc
I had a male psychiatrist who came to see me (due to my traumatic birth) and he was an arsehole, he was asking me how I felt about being 22 and just having had my 3rd child, did I think young mums were successful mums etc
I begged to go home and they told me I could go but my baby had to stay (similar to a pp) which at the time I thought was true but now I know it isnt.

It's so upsetting to read postnatal wards are still so bad, having a baby is a life changing event and woman go through a lot for it to happen, yet afterwards are treated as though we are an inconvenience and are making a fuss over nothing, its shocking!

[lurch3r]

This brought back memories from 20 years ago when I had my first DD. They kept me for 5 days because of bf difficulties and also by the second day, I was crying constantly with exhaustion and frustration. I wish someone had been able to express my wishes and get me out of there but my family were too worried about me by then. If there is no serious medical reason to stay, OP, get yourself out of there. Is there someone who can advocate for you? It is so sad that women are still having this experience. It is the reason I had my second child at home. No way was I doing that again unless absolutely medically necessary. Best of luck - you can do this.

[Chillychili]

I was kept in with dc1 for 5 days because of latch issues. They set me up to fail I had to pump every 2 hours and give this in a syringe then try to breast feed him every hour between the washing of equipment I was broken. They would come him take him off poke him prod him, no real help. When he did latch they would tell me I should now take him off. At 5 days I discharged myself and was still syringe feeding. Once at home we established feeding, I breastfed him for 10 weeks, only stopped because I started a contraceptive pill and my milk dried up overnight. With dc2 I was discharged 4 hours after birth with a handful of syringes (I have flat nipples so latch issues) but now at 6 months we are still breastfeeding. The second time was so much easier I had lots of skin to skin. Some proper sleep. My partner to support.

[KaleJuicer]

Post natal wards are hideous - next time around I paid for a private obstetrician in an nhs hospital to ensure I recovered in a private room in a private wing. (No side rooms available at big London hospital). So I really empathise about just how awful it is.

[Subordinateclause]

I hope you're okay OP. I basically self-discharged and established breast feeding at home with expressed top ups. Went on to breastfeed for over a year with no formula, although I'd have used it if necessary. The problem was they weren't actually giving me any help in hospital, so staying in was of no benefit. If you'd had a home birth, this would all be irrelevant so don't know how they can justify keeping you there really. Wishing you all the best.

[Springb0ks]

Oh god, I remember this so well. It was pure hell for me too. I felt like every time I breastfed the midwives would come in and try and ram the baby to my breast. Just awful. I was in a pure haze and couldn't even think straight. I know how you feel.

Go home. They can't keep you there. Formula feed if you like. Snuggle up in your own bed with your baby and try and breast feed there. Pass the baby to your partner and get them to feed whilst you rest.

It is such a confusing, worrying and uncomfortable time. Good luck

[FrangipaniBlue]

OP I had the exact same as you - DS would latch on then fall asleep!!

I caved and switched to bottle, he pretty much drained the first one the instant it was in his mouth so that was decision made for me.

Fed is best in my book.