Losing my mind on postnatal ward

[newmum0604]

Had my first baby Tuesday evening, over the moon, she is perfect but I'm scared for my mental health right now. I have slept a total of 1.5 hours since Sunday night.

They won't 'let' me leave til they see her feeding well, without someone helping me. I understand where they are coming from but I'm finding it pretty fucking impossible to establish breastfeeding in this environment. I want to be at home, in my own bed, quiet and relaxed.

The issue is she seems to latch on OK but won't keep going for more than a few seconds, stop start like this for maybe 10/15 minutes every 4ish hours. She is sleeping a lot, I could be sleeping too if it weren't for the background noise. But this means I can't think straight about the situation. Every time I started to feed in the first 24 hours someone would appear and take over, so even though she seems content they won't class it as me having actually done anything/being capable. Have expressed into syringes a couple of times, not going to let her starve ffs.

AIBU to switch to formula purely so I can leave in the morning before I completely go over the edge? I know that sounds incredibly dramatic but I genuinely feel on the edge

[BrownMilk]

Firstly, congratulations on your new baby. It's wonderful and tough all rolled into one.

Total sympathy re the post natal ward- been there... got the T shirt... And still feel deep sadness at how wrong it was.

You don't have to switch to formula if you don't want to and baby is well. It's such early days and baby is just learning what to do. It takes time.

You also don't need to stay in hospital. I told staff first thing in morning that I was leaving at 2pm- I'd take all the help they'd arrange and see any support staff in hospital or at home, but I was leaving. I'd had a c section and I also insisted they provided pain killers. Getting pain killers was a bit of a battle (which I won) but otherwise it was ok. I felt better as soon as I'd told them my decision, nervous but better. Enjoyed the best skin to skin hugs with little one at that time (and lots more skin to skin at home). Ended up exclusively breastfeeding and glad it worked out in the end.

Enjoy those magical cuddles and congratulations again.

[hellywelly3]

I insisted I was discharged after a c section. They were refusing to discharge me till I’d been to the loo. I never can poo in a public toilet. I just needed peace and quite at home with some privacy. They let me go home

[Mylovelyhorsee]

Tell them you plan to bottle feed and get to grips with breastfeeding at home. The post natal ward is no place to relax. Good luck op! And congratulations

[ChampionOfTheSun]

@shouldistop I agree, I believe the recommendation is now feeding 10+ times in 24 hours replacing 8-10x in 24hrs, but every 4hrs only works out to 6 times obviously so it's not even following the previous recommendation. My DD was put on a 3hrly plan and she's always fed at least every two hours. OP, look for some local breastfeeding support, there will probably be a group of peer supporters locally, the National Breastfeeding Helpline are available 9.30-9.30 (0300 100 0212) but if not consider contacting an IBCLC. Giving formula doesn't have to be the end of your journey but it doesn't sound like the hospital actually are following any of the guidelines so I don't think they're best placed to be telling you what to do in regards to feeding. You need to rest and recover as well. Congratulations on your baby

[ohmygoditsasausagedog]

I had a dreadful experience on the postnatal ward last year. I developed sepsis after my c-section and although my medical treatment saved my life, the caring aspect was non-existent.

I collapsed after they tried to get me up. I was seriously considered for transfer to the high dependency unit, but I begged to stay because I was terrified my baby would get covid there.

Many (not all) of the midwives and care assistants made it very clear that my illness was an inconvenience to them. They left me hooked up to a pulse oximeter overnight, the alarm went off every time I fell asleep because my sats were dropping. Absolute torture to be kept awake like that and pretty unpleasant for the women I was sharing the bay with. I was offered no additional support considering I had been gravely unwell. They wouldn’t test me for covid even though I had a fever and low oxygen sats. This was very concerning considering I did test positive not long after I left hospital - they didn’t even put me in a private room to reduce transmission!

Nobody thought to suggest my sleepy baby should be fed while I was delirious with fever. He was struggling with this latch and we were put on the 3-hour feed, top up, express programme. This again was torture for me recovering from major surgery and a severe illness. My husband was only allowed in for 1 hour a day. I was told off a lot for doing things wrong.

We were all packed and ready to leave when we were told he’d lost a fraction too much weight and we’d have to stay. I don’t think I’ve ever cried so much. I asked to self discharge, but was told they’d make me leave my baby . Blatantly untrue, but it scared me enough to not kick up a fuss. The next 24 were torture and I was so desperate I became suicidal.

Formula saved us and baby put on weight and we left the next day.

Just a note for the posters who talk about getting breastfeeding support at home - when I was struggling no face-to-face support was available due to covid. I’m not sure if that’s still the case everywhere though. I ended up switching to formula fully and am really happy with my choice.

[Sparklingbrook]

This was me nearly 22 years ago. I wanted my own bed, my own sofa and my own loo/shower. All the babies (mine included) cried all night and it was soooo hot.
I could have stayed in for 6 months and never relaxed enough to BF. I discharged myself after 2 nights, they weren't happy but TBF there wasn't enough staff and when my buzzer broke they sellotaped it to 'off'.

[30julytoday]

Oh god this is so depressing this is still so bad....28 years ago 4 nights and days of hell on maternity ward following c- section, completely sleep deprived.swear it induced my post natal depression.

2nd elective section. Paid for private room, stayed 2 nights only. No issues with PND

We don’t hear enough about this because no one recognises the issue. In my antenatal class I asked how we would sleep on a ward with 7 other mums and babies, response by midwife : “ it’s not a problem, you’ll sleep through everything but you’ll recognise your own babies cry and wake up”

🙄🤦‍♀️🤯🤬

[Sipperskipper]

I ended up with PND from my time on the postnatal ward. Still feel traumatised by it now. DDs birth & section was difficult & she needed resuscitation etc but honestly, the ward still gives me flashbacks.

Discharge yourself. If bf is difficult (unless weight issues etc) they can help you manage it at home, or you could even pay for a lactation consultant.

You could always do formula top ups etc. I did that for first week with DD then was able to move to ebf for a few weeks.

Hope you are home & settled soon.

[Mn753]

Give a bit of formula and go home and sleep. Call a lactation consultant ASAP for bf support.

[Mn753]

You need to sleep to produce milk

[Sipperskipper]

Should also say I switched to formula after 7 weeks (DD now nearly 4) and have a sweet little 7 month old DD who I ff from the beginning. I had her by elective section privately & was in for a couple of days - totally, totally different experience. It was actually lovely.

I love the NHS (have been an NHS nurse for 15 years) but the postnatal wards are criminal.

[Mumoblue]

Why are postnatal wards such hell, honestly!
The one I was on was hotter than the fucking sun and they kept delaying me going home too because my son was “too sleepy”.

You can top up and then try BF at home. I couldn’t get the BF support I needed even in hospital, they kept telling me there was nothing wrong with his latch but it ended up not working out for me. I pumped exclusively for almost 6 months instead before going to formula.

[iMatter]

Agree with others - get yourself home

I had a traumatic birth with ds1 and had snatches of very poor sleep from the Sunday when I went in til I was discharged on the Friday. I have never felt despair like it. I am absolutely sure it was a contributing factor to my PND.

Good luck And congratulations!

[TheDukeissoHot1]

@SeaToSki

You can just leave, with or without paperwork (they can put them in he post if they really want you to have them)
Sleep is crucial for you. Do be sure the baby isnt jaundiced and is keeping warm on their own before you push the nuclear button though

This. My DD struggled to feed and was very sleepy. 2 days after being discharged, we ended up back into hospital as DD was jaundiced. She then had to go under heat lamps and be tube fed for a few days, after which we finally managed to establish bf.

[Bramblecrumble]

@shouldistop maybe it was 3 hourly, I can't remember she was jaundice so I had to wake her. It was tough to know if she'd had a proper feed. the 3 or 4 hourly feeds was when she was having top ups and a feeding plan prescribed by the Dr. So much better mentally when I got home and my mum helped me establish breastfeeding. I did wake her every 4 hours at night and fed on demand in the day when I got home until somewhere between 8-12 weeks.

[LouLou198]

Tell them now you would like to go home today, as in my experience it will take several hours for them to get everything ready for you to leave. Ask someone to buy you a steriliser, bottles and formula if you don't already have them. Go home, relax and hopefully you will be able to feed better. If not make a bottle, top up with formula or exclusively bottle feed. You have my sympathies post natal wards are awful.

[ChampionOfTheSun]

@ohmygoditsasausagedog I'm so sorry to hear of your awful experience, I also had a horrible stay both pre and postnatal but fortunately just before covid times, I can't imagine how stressful and emotional that must have been. In my area BF is available face to face now, it has been mostly video calls but in our closest city there's a cafe up and running which is bookable, and in our town the lady who coordinates the local peer support group is seeing people face to face once assessed and if needed. It does hugely vary place to place unfortunately

[Sparklingbrook]

Second time around I told them that unless there was a very real medical reason why I needed to I wouldn't stay overnight. I had DC2 at 3am and went home mid afternoon. My overnight bag didn't even come out of the car boot.

[DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou]

OP that sounds rough.
Put her on formula and see your local lactation consultant at home instead for some decent, 1:1 in a calm environment.

[DobbyTheHouseElk]

congratulations.

Post natal wards are hell. I don’t understand why women are treated so terribly in this country.

I was exactly like you OP. I actually asked to go outside for fresh air after day 4. They thought I was mad. I thought I was mad.

I explained I wasn’t 100% sure where I was anymore. Sleep deprivation, screaming babies, complicated 72 hour delivery and I couldn’t take it.

They didn’t allow me to go outside incase I “fell over”.

Take your beautiful baby and go home. Snuggle down and I’m sure BF will be much easier.

Everytime I tried to BF someone appeared and grabbed my nipples and told me I was doing it wrong, I cried all the time.

Combination of flat nipples and the heat from the ward meant I was so sweaty it was a disaster.

Unfortunately I wasn’t allowed it as baby had a heart murmur and jaundice so I had to wait.

I honestly think the start I had in there gave me PND. Care was non-existent. This was before partners were allowed to stay overnight. But the bloody bounty lady and a hospital visitor from the church all were allowed to get to me in my vulnerable state before my DH was allowed to visit.

[Sansaplans]

Hope you managed to get home OP.

Few days in your own bed with unlimited skin to skin, sleep when you can, lots of fluids, make sure you're eating enough and I bet you'll have a lot more success. Although why they don't check for tongue tie as standard I'll never know, but maybe see if someone will?

[Cantbebotheredtothinkofaname]

Be really firm and tell them you will discharge yourself. The postnatal ward is hell, I have never in my life been as miserable as I was in that ward. How on earth they expect you to get any rest with 5 other crying babies in the room I’ll never know.

I also had the same issue with my baby only matching for a few seconds then slipping off. Turns out my delightful child was very particular about positioning and needed to be held at an exact horizontal angle otherwise she would not feed for more than a few seconds. I discovered this when I had a breastfeeding team do a home visit the day after I got discharged. Over time she settled down and now I feed an acrobatic toddler from all angles

[Mammyofasuperbaby]

I would temporarily switch to formula to get discharged, then switch back to breastfeeding at home. As pp said you may need to try nipple shields.
Postnatal wards are literal he'll. I was in for a week after having my first because I had pre eclampsia and 8 days with my second as he was constantly vomiting up all his milk. Then we were transferred to the children's ward and then a specialist children's hospital for surgery at 3 weeks old. We were in various hospitals for a month and I didn't see my husband or eldest in that time.
By the time we went to the last hospital, the staff said I looked like I was about to collapse from exhaustion and I was on the brink of a mental breakdown. Thankfully the nurses took over my babies care for a few days (there was little to do as he was passed out for days) so I could sleep.

[Suzi888]

This happened to me, it was awful. I don’t see how they can’t understand the exhaustion and let you go home. I was there a week in the end, eventually given my own private room and left alone.

[PurpleWh1teGreen]

Congratulations, but Oh poor you. I also remember post natal ward hell and the sleep deprivation caused by the loud cow next door putting the light on every hour...

To make milk you need sleep, nutrition and fluids. Not to mention feeling “safe” to let down your milk.

Assuming your gorgeous baby is well, doesn’t have jaundice, tongue-tie, a cleft palate or any other feeding issues, it is likely to be far more useful for you to go home with support. Good Luck.