To be fed up of my neighbours

[Cherrydown]

Name changed as I don't want to be recognised.

I am so fed up with my neighbours and if you all tell me to get a grip I shall honestly try. I doubt things are going to change, so maybe I do just need to look at it a different way.

I live in a semi on a quiet road, been here 20 years, I like it.

My adjoining neighbour moved in a few years ago and don't use their back garden at all, ever. They have table and chairs set out on their driveway, paddling pool and sun loungers in the summer and bbq with loud music about 4 times a week.

They sit there most evenings and have loud voices, we hear them over our tv and our lounge is only about 10ft away from where they are sat, we have one through room, so can't change where we sit. It has started up again this week and will likely go on until about October.

To be fair music is usually turned off by 10pm but they can sit out there talking until the early hours.

Last summer was just awful, I can't bear the thought of it being the same again this year. It just feels so intrusive. We can hardly hear our own tv/music. I just find it very rude. We're very quiet, private people, so perhaps that's why it bothers us so much.

I know them to say hello to but no more than that. They are shouty people, I'm not and hate confrontation.

AIBU to think this behaviour isn't okay?

Any suggestions of how to handle it? Do I just need to get a grip, it makes me more annoyed than it probably should do?

Could you put in triple glazing at the front and also move your seating towards the back?

Oh god I feel for you! In our old terraced house the two houses either side of us and one over the road used to gather at the front of the houses smoking and shouting loads in the evenings and I hated it!

In the summer I hated having the windows open because it was so loud over the tv and all their smoke came into the house - ugh it was horrible

If it’s disturbing a few houses on the street could you get others to agree to back you up if you speak to them? God, why can’t they use their garden, so inconsiderate

I feel for you, but, it's still their home so if they want to use the front instead if back that fair enough.

It's of course annoying. I have the opposite problem here that people in their back gardens disturbs me as I sleep in the back bedroom, I dont complain unless its past 10pm though as then it's me whos being unreasonable.

Personally I'd tell them that you appreciate they turn the music off at a fair hour bit that their talking loudly all night is disturbing you, can they move to the back after dark. You might find them reasonable people.

When a political party actually takes neighbourhood disturbance seriously, then they'll get a lot of voters.

Being passive aggressive with lights and your own loud music would not be helpful. You don't want to make enemies of them
You either have to say something, or put up with it. See

Noisy neighbours are selfish and entitled and do not care. I would confront them each and every time and tell them straight.

I think noisy people do it and wait for a complaint. Rather than realising that we all have to live together and be considerate.

Try to move if you can.

We have neighbours who are pillars of the community, very middle class and polite but love to party and they drive us nuts.

I completely sympathise OP. We are dreading this summer as they are going to want to catch up with all the friends they've missed through lockdown.

One particular highlight is, when their guests leave, often after smoking just under our bedroom window, they like to tidy up, crashing plates and glasses around and emptying their inside recycling bin full of bottles into their outside recycling bin, also just under our bedroom window. This is generally about 2.00am.

I fantasise about getting a cat just so it will poo in their beautifully manicured flowerbeds

I’m completely baffled by this.
Your neighbours are using their own garden. It’s their front garden. Is that a problem, why do they have to go round the back?

Are front gardens common or something?

Using your driveway is typically a rough person thing to do, yes. Sorry to be blunt and that will no doubt offend someone but you did ask.

God you are definitely not being unreasonable. They sound rough and common as muck challenging. If you really can’t move then I’d put in a hedge or some bamboo to screen some of their sound and their view.

I’d be fuming and wouldnt be able to not have a go !

I have the worst neighbours, they effect about 6 other houses on st.
I honestly can't tell you how bad the last 2.5yrs have been.
The council have been useless to an extent and only changed tact when I put in an official complaint about how awful they've dealt with next door. It has had a deep impact on my mental and physical well being many times.
My advice, Record their behaviour at various points day and night, gather enough recordings and send them on to your local council, EHO and even your local pcso team if bad enough.

I understand your frustration completely, I also have neighbours,two houses, who insist on sitting outside from the moment they wake til the moment they sleep with no consideration for others.

I’d definitely get some lights installed as people feel that they can get away with more under the cover or darkness (and an extra bright light with a movement sensor that turns on when they move around).

Swap the room around
If you have a through lounge diner divide it and sit in the back part in the summer to watch TV etc.

Add a yapping dog and you’ve got my neighbours

Huge south facing split level garden in the back but they spent last summer in the north facing freezing drive way. There’s a tiny bit of sun in the drive and they spend the day following it round the tiny drive

Nothing you can do but is really annoying. Bamboo is a good idea for this year

I have one word for you:

MANURE.

Spread it liberally :)

I feel for you OP. I can’t stand my Neighbours, their children are horrid. They play on my drive kicking footballs at my house, broke my back and front fences which I had to replace and the parents don’t care and have no control. Today we caught them attempting to climb into our back garden to get their 4 balls they’ve kicked over today. We can’t sit in our garden due to ball noise, screaming and them jumping on the trampoline looking into our garden and house. It’s annoying as my child with autism can only use the garden when they aren’t in it

I hate to say it but this is such a lower class thing to do! I'm originally from a rough area and sitting outside the front of your property was quite normal. We didn't do it (my mum always said it was common) but the neighbours did. I live in a nice area nowadays, and no one around these parts would ever sit out on their front drive - except VE day last year. I don't think you'll ever change them even if you say something. You may need to take a trip to the estate agents I'm afraid.

Feel for you. Could you pop a note through the door if they're likely to be confrontational. We spoke to unreasonable neighbour recently about light nuisance and he lost the plot (think verbal abuse, swearing and smashing things up) . Think from now on we'll always avoid face to face if there's any hint there'll be trouble.

I'd avoid tit for tat as it will just lead to animosity. I'd be thinking rearrange furniture as best you can so backs are to the window and consider blinds that you could use for privacy. If it's really unbearable maybe think about moving. That said sister has always had lovely neighbours until cleaning company moved into the bungalow opposite, think 6 large vans with parking space for maybe 3. It's been awful for all concerned and proves it only takes one idiot to make life miserable.

Do you have plants or grass at the front. I'd definitely think about having sprinklers on timer...

I feel for you I would absolutely hate that and I am sorry to hear you are not in a position to move. I can't stand my neighbours either due to similar issues with loud noise but am fortunate to be in a position to be able to move. I would suggest trying to speak to them/keep a diary of how often it happens..to me it is antisocial behaviour especially if it is going on to the small hours..

You could fit a discrete small animal repellent which transmits an uncomfortable sound that only small animals & children can hear. Put it on your wall near their side of the front garden. Hopefully it'll be too uncomfortable for the children to play out at the front. Fingers crossed they'll move to the back garden. Shop keepers put similar devices to prevent teenagers from congregating outside their shops.

I dont think them being out at the front is the issue really - surely if they werent there, they would be out in the back garden being just as noisy and annoying instead?

The issue really is that their behaviour is annoying! Id be just as frustrated and fed up as you op - I have neighbours that are loud/selfish too.
Sadly its unlikely they will ever pipe down but I would want to encourage them to at least try....... Moving doesnt sound like an easy option as potential new buyers will be put off by them being there!
Maybe find someway to encourage them to move............. a pack of yappy dogs maybe!

Thank you everyone, some great ideas to explore.

I appreciate it's mostly just irritating and they are within their rates to do this but also it helps to know most of you would find this annoying too.

Somehow I can't let it get to me as much as it did last summer, which was probably heightened due to lockdown etc.