To be fed up of my neighbours

[Cherrydown]

Name changed as I don't want to be recognised.

I am so fed up with my neighbours and if you all tell me to get a grip I shall honestly try. I doubt things are going to change, so maybe I do just need to look at it a different way.

I live in a semi on a quiet road, been here 20 years, I like it.

My adjoining neighbour moved in a few years ago and don't use their back garden at all, ever. They have table and chairs set out on their driveway, paddling pool and sun loungers in the summer and bbq with loud music about 4 times a week.

They sit there most evenings and have loud voices, we hear them over our tv and our lounge is only about 10ft away from where they are sat, we have one through room, so can't change where we sit. It has started up again this week and will likely go on until about October.

To be fair music is usually turned off by 10pm but they can sit out there talking until the early hours.

Last summer was just awful, I can't bear the thought of it being the same again this year. It just feels so intrusive. We can hardly hear our own tv/music. I just find it very rude. We're very quiet, private people, so perhaps that's why it bothers us so much.

I know them to say hello to but no more than that. They are shouty people, I'm not and hate confrontation.

AIBU to think this behaviour isn't okay?

Any suggestions of how to handle it? Do I just need to get a grip, it makes me more annoyed than it probably should do?

Neighbours here are the same use the front instead of the back.
They don't use the back because when they moved in they decided to build a large extension in a small garden. They did their calculations based on some communal space at the back of the gardens and thought the rest of us were too thick (their words) to realise when they tried to include it in their new garden lol.

We sat back let them get on with it as it needed a bit of a makeover haha and before the new fence went up they were told categorically no and legal action would be taken.

So now they can only use the front.

God, that sounds awful. We moved because of horrible neighbours. The least of it was their children always playing football extremely loudly, screaming and shouting, in the front garden. The way the houses were configured meant it was next to our sitting room and we couldn't hear the telly.

While we were waiting to move we erected a tall fence between our houses, the tallest legally allowed.

It cost us £2000 and was the best money we ever spent. It dulled the noise a little, but the main benefit was a psychological distance between us and them.

Can you do that?

Another idea is a loud water feature in your front garden, near your window which would dull the sound a little.

We actually rented the house out in the end just to get away from them.

Do you own? Is there any equity, could you remortgage and use it to put a simple summer house / conservatory at the back if moving is not an option you can then use that as your living room if moving not an option.

You can speak to environmental health at your council? I'm sure they would intervene, but your neighbours would know it was you, maybe think about doing it collectively with other neighbours then you won't be singled out.

A taller fence or hedge between the gardens, near the house, might deaden the sound and make it feel more private.

What about a sprinkler system - any grass or hedges in the front that need watering all evening?

If you are next door surely it would be just as noisy if they were using their back garden?

I'm guessing the front drive gets more sun or they need a hard surface for the pool and chairs if their garden is uneven.

To he honest none of the things they are doing sound so outrageous although all day music would get on my nerves.

Can you use your own back garden and rooms at the back of the house in peace if they are at the front?

Any suggestions of how to handle it
Really there are 3 options:
Tell them how anti social it is
Put up with it
Move

I think you have to make it a little more uncomfortable for them to stay out the front. Loud music of your own in the lounge with windows open. Try some irritating, repetitive music. As someone else said, spotlights that are sensitive to movement. A pile of smelly animal poo at the edge of your front garden, near theirs. (This last one is desperate measures and just temporarily until they hopefully decide it's not the nicest place to sit and start using their back garden like normal people).

Thanks for all your thoughts.

None of it is really outrageous etc (although occasionally is), so I know I can't really complain too much, other than when it goes on late at night. I just find it irritating and intrusive and actually a bit weird, but who am I to say what's normal?!

It would be lots quieter if it was at the back but they obviously prefer the front. Our bedroom is at the front too.

The next time it goes on late I am going to politely ask them to keep it down. I'm going to be brave!

I'll also explore fencing down the boundary, I think having the separation will help me.

I honestly don't think they're bad people, just inconsiderate to others. I am still praying they will move house.

on the continent people sat out in the street or drives, front garden use etc is common. they probably dont even see it as odd or know the are loud.

They are unlikely to move if they have only moved in recently. You will have to say something or just put up with it. Try 'I'm not sure if you are aware how much your voices and the music are carrying into my home - you are just 10 feet away'. See were it goes.

Oh my lord.
That would drive me mad. Come and live near me OP, we are a whole street of quiet retired people.

They are shouty people

They dont sound like classical music lovers

I do love the coy Mumsnet euphemisms

@Staffy1

I think you have to make it a little more uncomfortable for them to stay out the front. Loud music of your own in the lounge with windows open. Try some irritating, repetitive music. As someone else said, spotlights that are sensitive to movement. A pile of smelly animal poo at the edge of your front garden, near theirs. (This last one is desperate measures and just temporarily until they hopefully decide it's not the nicest place to sit and start using their back garden like normal people).

I think that would be throwing fat on the fire. Dropping down to their level and making even more noise would horrify the rest of the neighbours who are, as the OP said, too scared to confront the loud mob. People like that are not going to be put off having their parties and if they are so inconsiderate to their neighbours they sound like the type to become extremely hostile.

In a previous house which was a terrace with front door straight onto the pavement, a family a few doors along decided to have an outdoor gathering and there they all were sitting on the deck chairs, knocking back the booze and getting louder and louder until the early hours. No one had the guts to tell them to stop, including me. Some people you just do not confront if you know what is good for you.

I vowed when I moved to where I live now that if I had good and quiet neighbours I was staying put and although I occasionally think of moving to a smaller property I think again because I could not cope with bad neighbours and there seems to be a lot of them about.

A fence and hedging seems to be the best option. Subtle but effective

Last spring I put down some of this on my garden, we couldn’t sit on our patio, or open any windows, for months without smelling it it also meant we were plagued with bluebottles, that might force them into the back garden!
www.wickes.co.uk/Gro-Sure-Farmyard-Manure---50L-NF/p/132290

I do think popping your head out of the bedroom window with a polite ‘excuse me, I have an early start in the morning so could you possibly keep it down?’ will at least let them know they are being loud so may make them realise they are being annoying.

@FelicityMingington I know what you mean but they do shout a lot, someone has phoned the police a few times when they're having one of their rows. So yes they are definitely shouty people, rather than having quiet arguments. We argue but none of the neighbours would know when we do.

I can also confirm their music has never been classical. Tina Turner and Queen are the favourites, they won't know who I like

OP, there's a house three along from me that often in the warmer weather sit in their rear garden and talk loudly and play music after 11:00, sometimes after 00:00

I'm surprised they haven't surfaced already with the two 23c days we had recently. They stop me from getting to sleep

Part of me thinks that they don't realise how loud they are. I've never spoken to them but I think if it happens again this year we'll have to think about it

I think your ndn may also not realise. I know confrontation is hard but I think it's the only way, just be polite and make them aware. Maybe take DP with you for support

@Cherrydown
If you have a through lounge, can you not put your seating area at the other end? Further away from the noise?

You only have 3 options:
1 do nothing as you've already done
2 speak to them
3.report to environmental health

I feel for you op - we have people whose garden backs into ours who also love loud music! I think you have to go out there and say something.

I have neighbours that make a tremendous amount of noise - my front looks onto their back garden, and as soon as the sun is out every weekend in summer the family descend for a BBQ, nothing wrong in that but unfortunately none of them appear capable of talking at normal volume, loud shouty people, one female in particular who I think is the daughter or daughter in law, kids screeching at top of their voices etc. And of course the more booze goes down their necks the louder they get. That alone is bad enough but It's not a crime to have loud voices, but the blaring music really does my head in. It feels really selfish so everyone has to listen to it whether they want to or not. If I thought they'd be reasonable I might have a word but feel like if they were reasonable they wouldn't do it in the first place. One of the benefits of lockdown has been a cessation of these but they started up again on Friday - and now they have a hot tub the family will never be away.

I have a fantasy that I'm going to bang the hell out of their door every morning at 5am, or blare music through the letters - see how they like being disturbed. Of course I won't but i'd like to

*through the letterbox

I would look into putting up a fence and maybe moving into the back end of the sitting room and into the back bedroom.

Have you spoken to the neighbours the other side? They might well feel the same. You could present a united front.

I would

1. Put up a high fence at the front down the border

2 turn my TV on very loud so they hear it, if they complain I will say why