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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to give someone a life

80 replies

micegg · 10/11/2007 14:37

I feel stupid posting this but just want to see what people think. Warning : this may drag on whilst I explain:

A friend of mine has moved about 2 hours away from where I live. My DD and her DS get on really well so it would be nice to see them all again. My friend has also invited someone else who lives about 15 mins from me. I have met this woman a couple of times as she has a DD the same age as mine but I wouldnt say we were friends. In fact to be honest I have found her to be a bit rude (wont bore with details). My friend has hinted that could I give this woman a lift as she will have to get there by bus otherwise.

The issues are this:

  1. my DD is not the best traveller and has been known to scream for an entire journey before
  2. this journey is 2 hours already without the extra 30 minutes to each part of the journey to pick this woman up and then come back on myself to continue the journey.
  3. I know its selfish but I just cant be bothered with it. I only have one car seat so it wont be a straight forward pick up as there will be faffing time getting her car seat into the car, etc.
  4. Its bad enough travelling with my DD let alone someone elses kid screaming in the back.
  5. I dont really like this woman enough to spend 5 hours in a car!
  6. I work 4 days a week so this is my one day off. It doesnt feel very appeaing to spend most of it in my car anyway.

I am thinking of keeping quiet and not offering any lifts unless asked directly by my friend. As I say she has only hinted by telling me that this woman is getting the bus as she doesnt have a car. I could just go on another day to this woman but may be tricky as its my friends DSs birthday party.

I suppose overall I am also questioing whether my freindship can be maintained now my friend has moved so far away. We met via the DC and she doesnt drive. We are both expecting our second children early next year which will complicate things further.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 10/11/2007 14:38

I think you mean lift - I assumed this was about organ donation
Right, will go and read through your thread properly now!

Original poster
micegg · 10/11/2007 14:39

The title is meant to say 'lift' not 'life' That would be a much more serious topic! I bet its got a few of you looking at my post though

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 10/11/2007 14:40

no yanbu,but it will be very difficult to get out of it!

Original poster
micegg · 10/11/2007 14:40

Thanks.

OP posts:
escape · 10/11/2007 14:40

YABU - Its a little bit of inconvenienve for you, but a whole lot of bother for the other woman. I would say that, but then I'm the kind of person who is happy to go a bit out of my way for other people - I a very aware that there are alot of people who are not.

StealthPolarBear · 10/11/2007 14:40

without seeming rude i mean
i do sympathise though

escape · 10/11/2007 14:41

I sympathise,
but I'll never forget my days of slogging around on buses, and the difference that lift would make to her

StealthPolarBear · 10/11/2007 14:42

well it adds an extra half hour onto a 2 hour journey, just to do a favour for a woman who has been rude to her in the past

VanillaPumpkin · 10/11/2007 14:43

I think I would be a bit annoyed that my friend had invited some one else, I didn't really like, over on the same day .

StealthPolarBear · 10/11/2007 14:43

x post with your last one escape, i do see your point

Original poster
micegg · 10/11/2007 14:44

Thanks SPB I know what you mean. I have made friends with quite a few people through DC who dont drive and have ended up putting myself out quite a bit so I am just a bit fed up with it. I shouldnt think it will be a regular occurence as my friend lives so far away so perhaps I should see it as a one-off. Sigh.

OP posts:
themoon66 · 10/11/2007 14:46

If this woman doesn't have a car or drive, she may not even own a car seat for putting her DD safely into your car.

Original poster
micegg · 10/11/2007 14:46

Meant to say thanks to escape as well

VP - My friend doesnt know what I think of this woman. I have only met her a few times and my friend knows her well.

OP posts:
Original poster
micegg · 10/11/2007 14:47

I believe her DH drives their car to work so I assume they have a car seat otherwise I would def say no.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 10/11/2007 14:49

this is really sneaky and quite not nice but i don't suppose you'll need to do a supermarket shop on the way back will you?

Original poster
micegg · 10/11/2007 14:52

oooh I could.

OP posts:
LoveMyGirls · 10/11/2007 14:54

I think a compromise of the woman meeting you at your house, it's easier for her to do that than go the whole way on a bus, then you don't have to go out of your way. It's company for you too, you may find by the end of it you have a new friend and the rudeness wasn't a true picture of what the woman is actually like?

MaureenMLove · 10/11/2007 14:56

I was thinking the same as Stealth! Could you perhaps be not going directly home afterwards? Maybe going to parents for tea of something.

JeremyVile · 10/11/2007 14:57

Just give her a lift. It'll be a few hours of, at worst, uncomfortable silences and stilted conversation.
If you dont, surely you'll feel awkward when you both get to your friends house and everyone knows you just drove from where she is and she had to get the bus.
Wont you feel guilty if you dont?
If you decide to give her a lift, tell her to make her way to your house first then you wont have to go out of your way if that bothers you.

Blu · 10/11/2007 14:58

I would do it as a one off and as a favour for for the birthday party, but after that I would not really be expecting to maintain the friendship unless you are very close. You can't support your friendship and their freindship by being the only one to drive and give lifts - and I wouldn't want to be travelling 2 hours there and back in one day with children on anything like a regular basis.

Would the other woman come over to yours to save that bit of the trip?

It would look rude and unfriendly to avoid giving a lift if you are both invited to a party on the same day, imo.

littlelapin · 10/11/2007 14:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pixiefish · 10/11/2007 15:01

I'd tell her that if she can get to and from yours ten you'll give her a lift. You don't hae to go out of your way but if you're both going it would be the polite thing to do

suzywong · 10/11/2007 15:08

yes, get her to get to your house and five you half thepetrol money.

be firm

don't cave in

Rhubarb · 10/11/2007 15:19

funny title!

yabu. Your friend's ds is having a birthday party by all accounts - yes? She has invited your dd and this other woman's dd. Regardless as to whether you get on or not, this woman would have to spend more than 2 hours on the bus with her dd to get there if you didn't offer a lift.

You know, your dd might just travel better with a travelling companion next to her. And you might find that after 2 hours in the car together, the woman is not as bad as you initially thought.

I think it would be very nice of you to offer her a lift and she would be very grateful to you. See it as your good karma. It's a one-off for your friend's ds's birthday.

But it's up to you.

Rhubarb · 10/11/2007 15:19

funny title!

yabu. Your friend's ds is having a birthday party by all accounts - yes? She has invited your dd and this other woman's dd. Regardless as to whether you get on or not, this woman would have to spend more than 2 hours on the bus with her dd to get there if you didn't offer a lift.

You know, your dd might just travel better with a travelling companion next to her. And you might find that after 2 hours in the car together, the woman is not as bad as you initially thought.

I think it would be very nice of you to offer her a lift and she would be very grateful to you. See it as your good karma. It's a one-off for your friend's ds's birthday.

But it's up to you.