AIBU?
What age did you let your teens stay over with boyfriends/girlfriends
ShrekandDonkey · 04/04/2021 17:41
DD was 16 October just gone. Has had a boyfriend for about 8 months now, seems a nice sensible lad. She asked me last night if she could stay at his, I said no and she came home when I asked no problems but I'm now wondering if I should have let her?
She hasn't told me if they have had sex but knowing what i was like at that age its most likely. She has been sensible about contraception and we went to the G.P together where she then decided on the depo injection so has had that twice.
She's quite an easy teenager tbh so I know I'm quite lucky and I wonder if I should give her the independence?
PomBearWithoutHerOFRS · 04/04/2021 17:56
The only one of mine who has ever asked was 16 iirc. He'd been with his first serious gf for about six months. I did insist on speaking to her Mam first, to make sure she knew where her DD was staying. They also shared a double bed (albeit in a room with a single and bunks full of younger siblings) on our holiday that year too.
ShrekandDonkey · 04/04/2021 17:58
I kind of figured if they are going to be doing it they will find a way anyway and her sleeping over wouldn't make much difference? My gut instinct last night was NO WAY but always good to listen to other parents advice.
He is the same age as her. First relationship for both of them, they are quite sweet together.
OtherwiseKnownAsSheilaTh3Great · 04/04/2021 18:00
It would be a no from me. Just because they may be having sex doesn't mean you have to facilitate that. I would be talking to her about being safe and protected but I'm sure you've already done all that.
My eldest is 22 now but I allowed a boyfriend to stay over from the age of 18 - and only then when it was someone she'd known for a good 6 months or so - and it wasn't a regular thing as in I wouldn't have a regular weekend staying over. At 18 of course I didn't stop her staying with her boyfriend of the time. It worked fine for us
Wynston · 04/04/2021 18:03
I think that you're initial thought was no and thats fine its a big jump letting go.
She has been sensible and got contraception.
I personally think 16 was fine.
Thats how old I was and thats when I was ok about my step son staying over at his girlfriend's.
If its not now it will only be a few months
SmallPrawnEnergy · 04/04/2021 18:09
She’s a sensible girl. 8 months at that age is nothing to sniff at. She’s on hormonal contraceptives. She asked nicely and respected your decision when you said no. Honestly, it’s time to start loosing the apron strings. Have a chat to her about condoms / stds and boundaries maybe if it will help settle your nerves with it. Maybe have a chat with his parents if you’re worried about her staying over.
It’s quite funny to see how naive some parents are when it comes to sex and teenagers though. Just because they’ve not slept together in the same bed overnight doesn’t mean they’ve not had a chance to have sex 
anywhere and everywhere becomes possibly shagging territory at that age.
Treacletoots · 04/04/2021 18:11
First priority here is that she's safe. As uncomfortable as it is as a parent I would much rather my DD slept over with her BF in my house than god knows where.
If anyone thinks they're NOT already having sex, or they'd prefer not to know whether or not their child is safe then by all means, say no. I'd prefer the alternative.
But then I was brought up by a mother who believed sex was the closest thing you could do to a criminal act, so I may have a slightly skewed viewpoint.
dopeyduck · 04/04/2021 18:14
I would, why not?
Honestly if they want to have sex they will, we all know night time isn't the only time to have sex, don't we?
Honestly she's a sensible kid that appears to respect your boundaries, if that's the case I think you should respect her independence and let her. Sounds like you can talk through any concerns with her?
In 18 months she'll be an adult going on nights out, possibly moving away to uni etc? I think it's important young people find out how to navigate relationships whilst they've got you to fall back on.
I think you should trust her.
Thecazelets · 04/04/2021 18:17
We have stuck to 18 with ours. I take the view that just because it's legal to have sex at 16 it's not desirable, for various reasons including emotional and developmental maturity, and the risk of STDs and pregnancy. Yes, I know they'll probably do it anyway, but I won't condone or be complicit in young people who are not yet legally adults forming adult sexual relationships which they are not yet able to manage. I'm not generally socially conservative but I do feel quite strongly about this within my own family. I know others will disagree with me, but that's up to them.
dane8 · 04/04/2021 18:20
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