Feel like a failure of a mother

[Sjdmcfeet]

First Post- I just feel so down and need somebody to talk to
DD has just turned 2 and is a happy , funny lovable child but has not uttered one word , not a single word , no mummy or daddy absoloutley nothing , she engages well in play but despite all encouragement from me and DH/ nursery there is no verbal communication at all . She babbles and hums along when we do sing along time , can hum the full tune of twinkle twinkle but no other conversation or words
I read to her , am constantly talking to her as is DH and give lots of eye contact ,point at objects etc and try and get her to repeat the words she just doesn't seem interested, DD is constantly on the go and seems to enjoy independent play more than me sitting with her playing , example tonight I sat on the floor with her building and counting lego blocks , DD took these off me then proceeded to do her own thing
She will.do things like for example today I went to put her shoes on and she lifts her foot in my direction same wirh putting coat on will put her arm out to me so I'm sure she understands some things

I have spent the whole evening in tears away from DD sat upstairs told my DH I had headache and needed a lie down because I just can't understand where I have gone wrong as a mother and why DD isn't picking up any speech , DH who is very supportive and a fantastic hands on dad says ' she will do it in her own time don't force it and isn't remotely concerned and thinks I'm worrying about nothing '
I have phoned health visitor and 2 year check due to delays caused by Covid won't be for another 3|4 months I am advised
Spoken with nursery they will 'keep an eye on her ' but again they are not worried either
Yet on the NHS website she should be saying 50 words apparently by two years old??

Attends nursery 2 days a week and has done for the last 1 years as she is an only child so really needs to socialise with others

Met friends in the park today , friends daughter is 3 months younger and so much more advanced in speech , I burst out crying in the car again and still can't understand where I have gone so wrong and failed my child terribly, am I not doing the right things with her??

Please leave the poor child alone. She will talk in her own time, and in the meantime, will absolutely be picking up on your anxiety.
I'm not sure why you would assume it's your fault she's not talking, but it's really not!

I voted yanbu, but only because it's normal to worry. My 2nd child was the same. When they referred her to the hearing clinic she was 2 and a half, and by then she was saying Mummy Daddy and her brother's one syllable name. The consultant listened to my worries, asked if she said yes or no, (she didn't), then passed me a book to read to her. I dropped it, and my little girl said "Whoopsy-Daisy"!! Within a few weeks she was talking in full sentences, that everyone could understand. It turns out that part of her personality is that she won't do anything unless she thinks she can do it perfectly.
It sounds as if you are doing everything right. Children will do things all in their own time.

Please don't worry because it sounds like you are doing everything right. I had two chatterboxes by 2 and one very quiet one who said about 30 words by age 3 and we were getting worried but then he suddenly started saying lots more, just as we were getting his audiology assessment! Fine now at age 11, he's just a quiet boy.

I would suggest talking to the health visitor/GP though as they might recommend getting her hearing checked. Appointments can take a while so probably worth bringing it up to rule it out.

Your child sounds happy and most importantly healthy. Please focus on this

W*ithin a few weeks she was talking in full sentences, that everyone could understand. It turns out that part of her personality is that she won't do anything unless she thinks she can do it perfectly
*
Fascinating.

Massive bold fail.

You are not failing!! I've said this before and I'll say it again... when have you ever met a fully grown adult who cannot talk or walk properly (barring medical issues or the friday night office party?) Kids get there in their time! Relax and enjoy instead of stressing because once talking starts, they literally never shut up and you'll never have a moments peace

My youngest didn’t have any words at that age and we went to speech and language therapy, they said that the babbling and eye contact were good indicators that there was nothing particular that was concerning them. A year on and he does full sentences and speak fluently now! It was incredibly how it suddenly clicked with him. Please try not to worry, sounds like you’re a fantastic mum, crap Mums don’t worry about this stuff!

My two year old was exactly the same. I remember taking him to the doctor for two year check and doctor saying: he surely calls you mum? No! Maybe says it in your own language? No! He calls you mm or something similar? No! Nothing! It was a shock after my older son could hold a proper conversation at just over two! My youngest was also late with babbling etc.
My two year old did understand though if eg I said let’s wave goodbye to doctor he did it. That meant the doctor visibly relaxed. And now at just over three he doesn’t stop talking. Does your daughter understand if you say let’s get shoes on? It seems like she does.
Do get her ears checked too. We had him checked but by the time he was checked some months later he was starting to say some things.
So I would start getting things checked (ears, setting up two week check etc) but don’t stress too much. And it’s not your fault! Otherwise there’s no explanation for the difference between my two kids.

All my kids were late talkers. The worst was DD, in her red book for the 2 year check it says she has no words.

They are all fine. DD is now at Uni, incredibly academic with - O the irony! - a real flair for languages.

Some kids are slow talkers. The child I care for didn’t say a word when I started now he’s doesn't stop.

When she lifts her foot to put her shoe on keeps saying. “Do you want me to put your shoe on? Keep asking questions. Keep talking and soon she’ll get there. Sounds like she’s very happy and comfortable to play on her own etc.

You can't make a child do something she isn't ready to do. She sounds adorable. You sound like you are giving her all the right cues and stimulus for her to follow when she is ready. She sounds otherwise bright as a button.

My youngest talked in sentences at one. My younger daughter didn't speak at all until 2. She didn't even have words for things she wanted like a bottle. She wouldn't copy. Trust me Shes at primary now and never shuts up! Her late start has had no ill effect.

In my daughters case it turned out it was probably down to glue ear. But they don't do
Grommets that much these days and she was left alone and things righted themselves.

But given she also didnt walk until 19 months she was just a bit chilled and lazy.

You are being unbelievably hard and unkind to yourself. X

Lots of kids are a bit later to talk, so it's not something to panic about yet. Do get her hearing checked.

Does she communicate her wants and needs in other ways? Eg will she bring you her cup or point to it when she wants a drink, bring you a book to ask you to read, shake her head to indicate no, does she laugh if there's something funny on tv? Encouraging all communication can help with speech - if she will point try making picture cards that she can bring you or point to, or try teaching simple makaton signs.

Oh and its 100% no lack of appropriate parenting from you! Sounds like you are a lovely mum

It's actually not helpful to ask a child with language delay lots of questions

See tiny happy people website there's lots of really helpful tips and advice to help language development on here

www.bbc.co.uk/tiny-happy-people

At my sons 2 year check up we had a referral to SALT because he wasn’t saying anything. I looked at the guidance of 50 words and cried because he could mumble a few sounds which I understood but sounded nothing like what he was trying to say.

By 2.5 years, no lie, I could not shut him up! It came out of nowhere and now he talks my ear off and he’s 3 next month.

They really do progress at their own pace sometimes

You sound like a fantastic mum, please try not to worry. And definitely don’t blame yourself, it sounds like you’re doing everything right apart from worrying too much.

That statistic of 50 words by age 2 is an average not a minimum. I had the same worries about DS, not speaking at 2, couldn’t shut him up at 3! They’re all different.

Apparently Einstein was a very late talker and when asked why he didn’t speak earlier he said “I had nothing to say”! And he did alright for himself.

My now teenager couldn’t form words properly til nearly 3, shes made up for it since and is very bright so it’s not always something to be too concerned about

If you have the money then you could contact private speech and language therapists or even ask hv for a referral. IF she does have speech and language issues intervention from 2 can make a huge difference. All mine had SALT intervention and they are great chatty kids now

FWIW, OP, a BiL of mine barely uttered until he was 3. But it then came out in whole sentences. He’d just been taking it all in and biding his time. My MiL told me she’d been getting very worried, though.
Incidentally he later won a scholarship to Cambridge.

The fact that you are worrying about this shows that you are a good mum x

But honestly, please try not to worry. My nephews exactly the same, didn't speak until he was 3, my sis in law was beside herself, but now, we can't shut him up.

Don't panic!

They all do things at different rates and in different orders. I was 3 by the time I was saying more than a few words - and I was reading by 4! I think some kids like to get it all worked out before they join in.

I'm impressed by humming recognisable tunes, and that suggests her hearing is probably okay.

Yes, l agree with all other posts, just try and relax with it, my first son was a late talker and l remember feeling the same although like you l was constantly chatting and reading to him, singing nursery rhymes etc. My second son was comp!ete opposite, very early talker.
There is so much pressure ( and competition ) now at such a young age, they all catch up.

@AlexaShutUp

OP, I don't know why your dc isn't talking yet. She is still within the realm of "normal" so she may just be a late bloomer, or there may be some other cause. It's too early to say, but I would talk to your GP if you are worried.

The thing that struck me in your post was that you have jumped to the very illogical conclusion that you have somehow caused this issue. This chances of this being the case are vanishingly small. Even if your dd does turn out to have some sort of speech delay - and this is by no means a given - it is extremely unlikely that you have contributed to this in any way.

In the nicest possible way, you need to give your head a gentle wobble and realise that this isn't all about you. As parents, we are hugely important, but there is a huge amount that is beyond our control. Your dd is developing according to her own timetable. You have not done anything wrong.

This ^

Op my son was like this and literally just literally over night he started to talk. He has so many words and putting 2 words together now. He has basically been storing these for months and months and suddenly started using these words out of nowhere and still shocks me when he uses words that we haven't used recently. Their brains are like sponges, they suck in all the knowledge before letting it out.
Every child is different. They progress differently at a different rate. My son was too busy being physically active than using words and communicating and now he had no choice to progress to the next level which is using his words. Speech delay isn't uncommon. Please don't stress out.