Feel like a failure of a mother

[Sjdmcfeet]

First Post- I just feel so down and need somebody to talk to
DD has just turned 2 and is a happy , funny lovable child but has not uttered one word , not a single word , no mummy or daddy absoloutley nothing , she engages well in play but despite all encouragement from me and DH/ nursery there is no verbal communication at all . She babbles and hums along when we do sing along time , can hum the full tune of twinkle twinkle but no other conversation or words
I read to her , am constantly talking to her as is DH and give lots of eye contact ,point at objects etc and try and get her to repeat the words she just doesn't seem interested, DD is constantly on the go and seems to enjoy independent play more than me sitting with her playing , example tonight I sat on the floor with her building and counting lego blocks , DD took these off me then proceeded to do her own thing
She will.do things like for example today I went to put her shoes on and she lifts her foot in my direction same wirh putting coat on will put her arm out to me so I'm sure she understands some things

I have spent the whole evening in tears away from DD sat upstairs told my DH I had headache and needed a lie down because I just can't understand where I have gone wrong as a mother and why DD isn't picking up any speech , DH who is very supportive and a fantastic hands on dad says ' she will do it in her own time don't force it and isn't remotely concerned and thinks I'm worrying about nothing '
I have phoned health visitor and 2 year check due to delays caused by Covid won't be for another 3|4 months I am advised
Spoken with nursery they will 'keep an eye on her ' but again they are not worried either
Yet on the NHS website she should be saying 50 words apparently by two years old??

Attends nursery 2 days a week and has done for the last 1 years as she is an only child so really needs to socialise with others

Met friends in the park today , friends daughter is 3 months younger and so much more advanced in speech , I burst out crying in the car again and still can't understand where I have gone so wrong and failed my child terribly, am I not doing the right things with her??

*Sorry just saw you've talked to nusery

@Namechangeforspring2021

My 2 year old has 1 functional word, his older brother was a complete chatterbox, all kids are different, it’s not because you are failing.

I was going to come on and say the same thing. My two kids were both completely different in so many ways. None of it was due to how they were parented.

I've been there op and it's very difficult. But she is still quite small so don't panic just yet .
My own dd was diagnosed with autism at the age of 3 or 4. It really isn't the end of the world.
Due to her lack of speech/ focus it was easy to get a diagnosis.
All you can do is keep engaging with her and talking, making eye contact etc. Also speak to your gp/ hv about your concerns.

I cried so much over my son not talking even in September when he was 2 and 3 months. Now he is 2 abs 9months he speaks more then most kids I know. Kids do things in there Owen time.

What’s her non-verbal communication like? Is she pointing to show you things or to request things?

I hope that you won't have to wait much longer for the two year check, and that your mind is put to rest by the outcome, or that you receive any support that is needed.

I am a teacher and just wanted to say that my classroom is full of sparky, happy children who are achieving exactly in line with age expectations, but parents often tell me about how they had sleepless nights over some milestone or other in the past - they walked late, they talked late, they failed their phonics check, they refused school etc Please try not to worry. It sounds as if you are doing everything right.

My son hadn't said a single word at 2 and we were referred to SALT. He said his first word at 2.5. He's now 6 and honestly he never stops. I remember worrying about it so much but honestly it did come. I would speak to your GP about a referral to SALT (it was the HV that referred him), but please give yourself a break .

Neither of mine talked until they were about two and a half. Acquisition of skills lasts ALL of childhood, it's a marathon not a sprint. They're teenagers now and both are doing very well in school. The older ones reception teacher, years ago, said she was "very articulate" so she caught up very quickly. If you'd like something to proactively do then there is a really good book called "Babytalk" by Sally Ward that has lots of excellent tips for language development from birth to five. It's an old book (but still very useful) and can probably be bought on eBay.
It's not unusual to worry though. My background is early years education and my masters is partly in child development so I had lots of academic knowledge but I did still worry about my DDs about all sorts of things. That phrase "marathon not a sprint" really helped!

Sorry you feel so worried. I am a speech and language therapist - can you check out your local service to see if she meets criteria? We would accept referral for 2 year old with no words - parents can self refer where I am.

Most children are just late talkers but some might need abit of help going forwards - and the therapist can assess to find this out as if there are any concerns then early advice is really beneficial . Even if she did need some support there's lots of help out there and you might just get abit of reassurance

Can reassure you that you are absolutely not to blame. You are doing everything you can by playing and interacting with your little girl and reading with her.

Does she understand instructions / fetch objects on request eg where's teddy? / point to body parts eg where's your nose?

Does she point things out to you to share her interests?

Does she use gestures etc to get her message across?

Does she babble a range of sounds / try to copy you sometimes?

You could book a free call back with a speech therapist by contacting Ican enquiry line - hopefully will just put your mind at ease or give you some advice in the meantime

ican.org.uk/enquiry-line/

One tip. It can take up to 12 seconds for a child that age to listen, understand, process thier thoughts, and formulate a response.
So if you ask her a simple question, such as "Do you want water or milk?", give her a vert long time to respond.

If you fill in the time with more questions, she won't have time to think about her answer and will eventually give up, as she will probably feel that she can't get word in for all your chatter. That will be demoralising for her.
Good parents often think that by talking lots they are modelling good language and showing their children how to speak. But just remember to also show them that you are listening too.
It's no a magic cure, but a step in the right direction to just give her time to think.

I had this. At the 2 year check they picked up that he had a hearing problem. Glue ear. Pay to go see a private child audiologist for a hearing test. Don’t wait. Do it now. Pay. Get it done. At least then you’ll know. If it’s a hearing issue it’s imperative to get it done ASAP so it can be fixed. Has she had lots of colds? Snotty?

If you're worried get her checked out op. My daughter is 2 with 16 words (ish) and she's under a speech and language therapist and suspected ASD.

Hopefully it's nothing and your daughter is one of those kids who gets to 2.5/3 and starts talking in full sentences. I'm hoping it's the same for my kid.

Don't beat yourself up. If there is an underlying cause to her speech delay it is nothing you have done or could have prevented. Don't give up pursuing getting SALT support for her though. She might be a late talker but it's likely she will need some support if she has no words at 2 so pursue the professional involvement she needs. Don't stress though and don't give yourself a hard time.

You sound like a lovely mum OP. I've got 4 children all much older now and what you've described doesn't sound like anything to worry about to me. Are there two languages in the home? I was told that often children will start talking a bit later if there are but once they do there's no stopping them. Anyway, I really felt for you reading your post and wanted to tell you to put your worry aside and enjoy today.

My ds was a late talker, had speach therapy on and off for years from age of 2. He's now 12 and his only issue is dyslexia. He loves the sound of his own voice now lol. You sound like your doing everything you can for her, it's not your fault. It's just one of these things, every child is different, but I felt exactly the same back then.

You aren’t a bad mother at all- I would though be concerned about a 2 year old who literally says nothing. Does she babble talk in any way- “mama”? “Dada”? If not I would push for a referral- my niece had glue ear for example. Even if she needs some help you aren’t a bad mother- but I would 100% want to see someone if no words at all yet and hopefully she’s just a late speaker. X

You are loving mum concerned about your child's milestones - far from a failure!

They all develop on thier own schedule. It sounds as if your child is understanding - taking part in getting dressed and can hum twinkle twinkle.

There is a book called small talk by Nicola Lathey which gives great tips on communication and how speech and language develops.

Einstein was a late talker. I reckon he was just taking everything in before giving his opinions.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2005/mar/02/familyandrelationships.features11

This is worth a read too OP.

Well apparently I didnt say anything until I was 3! My mum was worried too .When I did start to speak havent shut up since ! Please dont worry .You sound like a really good Mum.Try not to get upset ,you have done nothing wrong and everything right! See how she goes for a while, and if there is a problem some speech therapy will sort it out .My friends DD had a similar thing when little .Now 18 and at Uni!

Speech delays can just be one of those things. But no words at 2 years is a concern. Your next step is to ring the GP and ask for a referral for a hearing test and to SaLT.

Make sure you give her lots of time to reply to you, even if she just replies in babble listen to it carefully and then reply back in words.

I completely understand how you feel, my DS was a very late walker and he was tall so people thought he was even older and I got a few comments of why wasn’t he walking. Some kids get dragged up but they all eventually learn to walk and talk. It’s really difficult not to compare but every child is different at their own pace. I used to stress about being a “perfect” mum but I’ve learnt that being a “good enough” mum is much happier for my and my kids.

Good advice above.
We all worry about our DC but you have to remember that they are themselves and that includes all their strengths and relative weaknesses. Your DD might start talking in full sentences tomorrow or might have glue ear which is treatable or might have a problem and everything between but that is her not you. You aren't responsible for whether she is good or bad at talking ; your only input is to talk to her and sing to her and carry on loving her and those are the things that you are doing.

I didn’t say a word until I was 2.5 and then started talking in full sentences and never shut up again Another one of my siblings didn’t talk until they were well over 2 either. We’re all fine, some babies just talk later.

My DD is happy and healthy and loves to run and play, everybody comments what a happy child she is

This is what matters! Don’t feel like you’ve let her down because you really haven’t. You’ve provided her with a safe and comfortable environment for her to grow up in, and it sounds like she’s thriving and is a happy child. That’s honestly the most important thing.

I put YANU because it is natural and normal to worry about child development, i would be the same too. I would keep trying to encourage words and as you say you can see the Health V when you can. You are NOT a failure as a mother, as mothers we always feel guilt and beat ourselves up, this is not your fault, some children just talk later, she is saving it all up :)