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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick of the attitude of some people towards the disabled?

53 replies

Livingtothefull · 02/04/2021 23:48

I have just started taking my DS (20) out for walks since he came home for Easter. Yesterday (2nd time we have taken him out) we come to a zebra crossing. Nice straight road, built up area, very little traffic. As we start to cross a car brakes sharply to stop, then the driver yells out of the window at us.

After crossing we walk down a side road, same driver turns down the same road and yells at us again; 'You made me f---ing stop, I'm not the one meant to stop you are!' then drives off.

AIBU to be upset by the attitude this displays towards the disabled? This driver was obviously angry at being made to wait for a wheelchair. I do think this is a disablist incident; whenever I am out and about myself I don't get this. There are certain people who evidently see the disabled as getting in their way, I have encountered this attitude many times before.

OP posts:
WisnaeMe · 02/04/2021 23:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GladysTheGroovyMule · 02/04/2021 23:58

I’m sorry you’ve been treated this way by that total shit for brains and that it wasn’t the first time it’s happened. I think that you’re right about how disabled people are treated by society. We (society) really should know better by now. There was a thread earlier where the OP was bemoaning how much of their precious council tax goes on adult social care Hmm it makes me feel uneasy about the world my son who has ASD and ADHD will face as he gets older. He doesn’t “look” disabled but most people realise he has issues as soon as he starts to speak.

I hope you and your son manage to enjoy the rest of your time together over Easter.

ScrumptiousBears · 02/04/2021 23:58

So did you just walk out on the crossing assuming he'd stop?

Original poster
Livingtothefull · 03/04/2021 00:04

You may be right WisnaeMe, maybe it is just coincidence that these incidents almost always happen when I am out and about with DS. It is odd though that I have been out on my own many times and this has never happened. Almost as soon as I start to take my DS out - incident.

I just felt that the driver was angry at being made to wait for a disabled person in a wheelchair who would take longer to cross the road.

My DS is fine, thanks very much for asking.

OP posts:
Original poster
Livingtothefull · 03/04/2021 00:07

No I don't recall that ScrumptiousBears, it was a nice clear road when we started crossing. I don't put DS at risk by doing a King Canute on zebra crossings.

OP posts:
vimtosogood · 03/04/2021 00:08

Bit weird that he was so annoyed at you wasting his that he decided to turn around and waste more of it.

vimtosogood · 03/04/2021 00:10

Bit weird that he was so annoyed at your wasting his time that he decided to turn around and waste more of it.

whatnow41 · 03/04/2021 00:10

I'm disabled and use a wheelchair when I have to, but not all the time. When not using a wheelchair I 'pass' as able bodied and look just fine. It's not a coincidence. I know the difference and how the world sees me/treats me when my disability is visible. I'm sorry you're experiencing this too Thanks

IDreamOfLogCabins · 03/04/2021 00:11

After just having read the council tax / Adult Social Care thread, I'm inclined to agree.

However in real life I find most people are decent. (Except for a couple incidents of vile verbal abuse from groups of teenage boys).

Original poster
Livingtothefull · 03/04/2021 00:16

Thanks whatnow41, I am sorry you are facing the same and agree it is not coincidence or my imagination but that a significant minority of people have a truly vile attitude towards the disabled.

OP posts:
RickiTarr · 03/04/2021 00:23

Yes it’s a thing. On the odd occasions other shoppers have walked directly at me in shops, despite my crutch or wheelchair and then “takes” at me because they chose to get in my way. It’s definitely not something that happened before I was impaired. It’s quite deliberate and very noticeable.

It’s very strange, irrational behaviour, but no different from people who chose to express hatred or harassment to redheads, glasses wearers, the obese etc.

Interesting, too, how keen posters here are to tell you you’re wrong about it. Hmm

I try to just laugh, because to let it get to me would only harm my blood pressure. It is nothing but laughable, really. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sittingonabench · 03/04/2021 00:23

What a ridiculous reaction the man had and completely incorrect which is infuriating! Pedestrians have right of way as soon as they step foot onto the road. Of course most people use crossings but he should have been aware that a pedestrian might cross and cars have to give way. Extra disturbing if the person has mobility issues. What a wanker

greenlynx · 03/04/2021 00:36

This looked for me rather that the driver was a twat in general, it was nothing to do with who was on the crossing. On the way from the shop today we had 3 situations when the drivers were not looking/ keeping distances/ speeding. The speeding car was literally flying in the 30mph zone. There are lots of idiots out there who needs their driving licenses to be removed.
However in general yes, don’t even start me on NT people using disabled parking bays/ sitting on bus seats for disabled people and bus drivers starting moving before a person with additional needs got chance to sit down. And these are just a few tiny examples.
My DD has additional needs.

Nat6999 · 03/04/2021 00:38

Attitudes have definitely changed over the last few years, I'm disabled but to look at me a few years ago you wouldn't have thought anything was wrong with me. I had a couple moaning to each other when I parked in a disabled bay in a car park on my blue badge that I didn't look disabled & one day when out with my son I wet myself & we had to drive to the nearest supermarket to get me some dry clothes, after paying I went & used the disabled toilet to get changed, all the time I was in the toilet someone was rattling the door, when I came out the man went ballistic shouting I shouldn't have been using the toilet as I wasn't disabled, I lost it & shoved the bag of pee soaked clothes in his face & told him to think again.

clarepetal · 03/04/2021 09:44

The man sounds an arse. I hope you are both ok. I'm a driver and would happily wait for you to take as long as you need to cross. Flowers

SandysMam · 03/04/2021 09:50

I think the pandemic has shown this with the constant “othering”. Died of corona at 25?? Shocking! Oh but they were disabled..ahh ok then!!
I don’t think YABU, that man was an arse and I think society still has a long way to go.

Original poster
Livingtothefull · 03/04/2021 09:56

I am sorry you were subjected to that by such an ignorant person NAT6999. The hostility, even sheer hatred, towards the disabled from a minority of people is a thing that has to be experienced to be believed.

In our case DS is very obviously disabled so people don't question it; they get visibly angry though when DS is (as they perceive it) in their way. Or even just in their line of vision.

Thanks for that clarepetal, I should also say that there are many many people who go out of their way to be helpful and supportive of us who make up for the others, it sounds like you are one of them.

OP posts:
CuthbertDibbleandGrubb · 03/04/2021 10:37

Please report any such abuse to the police in future OP, make a note of the registration number.

Pjsandbaileys · 03/04/2021 10:39

Some people are just plain rude and nasty and get a kick out venting their "frustration" on others. He probably seen you as a non threat (woman and son in wheelchair) rather than it being directed at you son, he got to play the big I am shouting and ranting. You can bet he wouldn't have even considered doing it if you were a 6'3" bodybuilding man. In short he was a dick and I hope you and your son are OK x

iklboo · 03/04/2021 10:46

'I'm not meant to stop, you are'. Entitled twat unaware of the Highway Code. Shame you didn't get his reg plate. I hope you & your son are OK now.

Original poster
Livingtothefull · 03/04/2021 10:56

I didn't think of getting his reg number but might consider this if it happens in future. Do you think the police would follow up on this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Livingtothefull · 03/04/2021 10:59

I mean did he actually break the law? This is a genuine question; he did actually stop (albeit with a screech of brakes) and although he was rude I am not sure if this constitutes an offence.

OP posts:
Erkrie · 03/04/2021 11:04

As we start to cross a car brakes sharply to stop, then the driver yells out of the window at us.

How could the road have been clear if a car brakes suddenly as soon as you step out? Maybe the man was shook up because it sounds like you did step out on front of him. He shouldn't have followed you for sure, but I'm not sure this bears the hallmarks of someone who hates disabled people tbh.

Original poster
Livingtothefull · 03/04/2021 11:06

I am a bit disappointed with the vote so far tbh; more than a third of voters think there is nothing wrong with some people's attitudes towards the disabled.

Do they all have first hand experience on which their view is based....or do they assume that because they have not experienced the problem it doesn't exist?

OP posts:
Erkrie · 03/04/2021 11:12

Do they all have first hand experience on which their view is based....or do they assume that because they have not experienced the problem it doesn't exist?

It's not about this. It's about your particular story. Disablism does exist. I'm not sure your story is an example of that.